Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Thursday, September 22, 2016.   

ACTUAL EXCERPTS FROM STUDENT SCIENCE EXAMS: 

Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the organ of the species. 

Benjamin Franklin produced electricity by rubbing cats backwards. 

The theory of evolution was greatly objected to because it made man think.

Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars. 

The process of turning steam back into water again is called conversation. 

The Earth makes one resolution every 24 hours. 

To collect fumes of sulfur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube. 

Algebraical symbols are used when you do not know what you are talking about. 

The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects. 

Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire. 

A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold. 

A triangle which has an angle of 135 degrees is called an obscene triangle. 

When you haven’t got enough iodine in your blood you get a glacier. 

For fractures: to see if the limb is broken, wiggle it gently back and forth. 

To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose. 

For asphyxiation: apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead. 

When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide. 

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!    

 

DAILY QUOTES….   

“A high school student has developed an app that helps teens locate a welcoming group of kids in the lunchroom called ‘Sit With Us’ – or as bullies call it, ‘Victim Finder.'” -Seth Meyers 

“Wal-Mart is working on a self-driving shopping cart that would return itself to the store after you’re done using it. Though the minute that Wal-Mart shopping cart becomes self-aware, it’s going to drive itself to Target and never look back.” -Jimmy Fallon

“In Florida, a drunk half-naked woman crashed her car into a Waffle House. Just a reminder, once again Florida will likely determine who our next president is.” -Conan O’Brien  

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

While waiting in line at a busy airport check-in counter, I noticed a set of rambunctious little boys in front of me. As the line inched along, their mother tried in vain to get them to calm down. 

Finally she reached the counter, where the ticket agent asked her, “Have any of the items you plan to take with you on this flight been out of your immediate control since your arrival at the airport?”

The young mother replied honestly, “The luggage, no; the children, yes.”Emoji  

 

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “I’ll tell you what. We’ll tell Fred that you were doing a great job taking care of his car. But you parked it out back last night, and in the morning it was gone. We report it to the police, D-Day takes care of the wreck, and your brother’s insurance company buys him a new car.”  

ANSWER: Animal House! Otter (Tim Matheson) said this to Flounder (Stephen Furst) after the guys took Flounder’s brother’s car on a “road trip” and put numerous dents in the vehicle. Flounder asked if this plan would work, and Otter responded by saying, “Hey, it’s gotta work better than the truth.” Bluto (John Belushi) then gave Flounder a six-pack along with the advice to “start drinking heavily”.

Thursday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “I can’t accept this; I don’t believe in guns. When my brothers and I would play Cowboys and Indians, I was always the Chinese railroad worker.” 

 

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….

The following ten words can be divided into two groups of five words. The words within each group will share a common characteristic. What are the two groups? Which words belong in those groups?

dam late lice linger per son stern tent under use  

ANSWER:  The two groups are: words that can be prefixed with “ma” to form a new word, words that can be prefixed with “pa” to form a new word.

Group 1: dam, lice, linger, son, under (madam, malice, malinger, mason, maunder)

Group 2: late, per, stern, tent, use (palate, paper, pastern, patent, pause)

 

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….

Each of the sentences below use two words which are synonyms of each other, but here in these sentences, they are not used with the same meaning. Can you find the words ?
 
1. He could not _____ out the _____ which would complete the series in the math teaser.
 
2. A _____ of her long hair was dangerously _____ to the fireplace.
 
3. Alas, we could not pay our respects to the _____ Mr. Bigsby. We were _____ by traffic.
 
4. _____ you open that ____ of beans, please ?
 
5. Life was a _____, after all, for 20 years all he had done was _____ for the oil company.
 
 
 
 
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/      

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.comwww.stlzoo.org 

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