Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Tuesday, September 20, 2016.   

Confucius Jokes….

Man with one chopstick go hungry.

He who put face in fruit drink get punch in the nose.

Time flies like an arrow.  Fruit flies like bananas.

A bird in hand makes hard to blow nose.

Man who sleep in cathouse by day, sleep in doghouse by night.

Man become old when he watch food instead of waitress. 

Man who dream of eating giant mushroom – wake up with no pillow.

War doesn’t determine who’s right.  War determines who’s left.

When called an idiot sometimes is better to be quiet, than open mouth and remove all doubt.

Man who run in front of car get tired.

Man who run behind car get exhausted.

Man who sleeps on road, wakes up feeling run down.

Two wrongs not make right, but two rights make U-turn.

Man who drive like hell, bound to get there!”

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!    

 

DAILY QUOTES….   

“Psychologists now believe that adulthood begins at 25, not 18. They also believe that middle age begins the first time you eat at a Denny’s while sober.” -Conan O’Brien

“According to a recent survey, 15 percent of Americans have admitted to cooking in the nude. Unfortunately, most of them work at Chipotle.” -Seth Meyers

“The post office just can’t get its act together. They announced today they want to raise the price of stamps so they can make an extra $2 billion. That is still better than their original plan – uninvent the Internet.” -Jimmy Fallon 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

Two small county judges both got arrested for speeding on the same day. Rather than call the state Supreme Court for a visiting judge, each agreed to hear the other’s case.

The first judge took the bench while the second stood at the defendant’s table, and admitted his guilt. The sentencing judge immediately suspended both the fine and costs.

They switched places. The second judge admitted that he was speeding, too. Thereupon the first judge immediately fined him $250 and ordered him to pay court costs.

The second judge was furious. “I suspended your fine and costs, but you threw the book at me!” he fumed. The first judge looked at him and replied, “This is the second such case we’ve had in here today. Someone has to get tough about all this speeding!” Emoji 

 

 

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  “Do you have change for a dollar? All I have are these damn Nepalese coins.”

ANSWER: There’s Something About Mary! Patrick Healy (Matt Dillon) said this Mary Jensen (Cameron Diaz) when they were packing their cars at the driving range. Healy had been wiretapping her house and heard her say that she would be interested in a regular guy who drinks beer, plays golf and has been to Nepal. Healy used this as a way to gain her attention and affection. Healy was a true slimebucket, but it was definitely Dillon’s funniest role. “There’s Something About Mary” is a laugh riot from start to finish. 

Tuesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? Man: “You know, blackjack is the only game where a good player has a mathematical advantage over the house.” Woman: “Really? Are you a professional?”  Man: “No. Are you?” 

 

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

Below are five band names and one of each of their songs. However, they have been rephrased and it is your job to figure them out.

1. Blue and yellow in a period after night sings “Avenue containing shattered nighttime fancies”.

2. “Numerically” also, the 21st letter of the alphabet sings “A sensation of dizziness”.

3. Illuminated sight organs sings “A chemical substance that can injure or kill”.

4. Involuntary shutting and opening of the eye #91 doubled sings “Merry-go-round”.

5. The thankful deceased sings “Carton of condensation”. 

ANSWER: 1. Green Day sings “Boulevard of Broken Dreams”.

2. U2 sings “Vertigo”.

3. Bright Eyes sings “Poison”.

4. Blink 182 sings “Carousel”.

5. The Grateful Dead sings “Box of Rain”. 

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….

Diophantus was a Greek mathematician who lived in the third century. He was one of the first mathematicians to use algebraic symbols.

Most of what is known about Diophantus’s life comes from an algebraic riddle from around the early sixth century. The riddle states:

Diophantus’s youth lasted one sixth of his life. He grew a beard after one twelfth more. After one seventh more of his life, he married. 5 years later, he and his wife had a son. The son lived exactly one half as long as his father, and Diophantus died four years after his son. 

How many years did Diophantus live?

 
 
 
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/      

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.comwww.stlzoo.org 

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