Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Monday, September 5, 2016.  

End of Summer Classes for Women at Your Local Adult Learning Center…..

Note that due to the complexity and difficulty level of the subject area, class sizes will be limited to 5 women.

Class 1: Up in Winter, Down in Summer – How to Adjust a Thermostat Step by Step, with Slide Presentation. Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 pm

Class 2: Which Takes More Energy – Putting the Toilet Seat Down, or Moaning About It for 5 Hours? Round Table Discussion. Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3: Is It Possible To Drive Past a Supermarket Without Stopping? – Group Debate. Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 pm for 2 hours.

Class 4: Fundamental Differences Between a Handbag and a Suitcase – Pictures and Explanatory Graphics. Meets Saturdays at 2:00 pm for 3 weeks.

Class 5: Curling Irons – Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Bathroom Cabinet? Examples on Video. Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning At 7:00 pm

Class 6: How to Ask Questions During Commercials, Be Quiet During the Program and Not Talk during the last 5 minutes of a movie! Help Line Support and Support Groups. Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 pm

Class 7: Can a Bath Be Taken Without 14 Different Kinds of Soaps and Shampoos? Open Forum. Monday at 8:00 pm, 2 hours.

Class 8: I Was Wrong and He Was Right! Real Life Testimonials. Tuesdays at 6:00 pm. Location to be determined.

Class 9: How to Parallel Park In Less Than 20 Minutes Without an Insurance Claim. Driving Simulations. Meets 4 weeks, Saturday’s noon, 2 hours.

Class 10: Learning to Live: How to Apply Brakes Without Throwing Passengers Through the Windshield. Tuesdays at 7:00 pm. Location to be determined

Class 11: How to Shop by Yourself. Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 pm.  

Upon completion of ANY of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!    

 

DAILY QUOTES….  

“The CEO of Wendy’s says the election is hurting the chain’s burger sales – people are spending less because they are worried about the future. Let’s be honest, if you’re eating a Wendy’s Baconator, you’re probably not too concerned about the future.” -Jimmy Fallon

“Mylan, the company that produces these EpiPens, have jacked up the price of these pens for less than $100 for a pair, to over $600. That price is enough to send you into shock, but don’t do it because you can’t afford the pen anymore.” -Stephen Colbert 

“It was reported this week that scientists from the Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence or SETI have detected a signal from a distant star, and they think it could be proof of alien life. Scientists say this could be the sign of a highly advanced alien civilization. While the aliens say, ‘We attack at dawn.'” -James Corden  

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

In the British documentary 56 Up, a man shared that he had earned a law degree at Oxford. Then, in his thick English accent, he proudly proclaimed that he was now a “barrister.” 

My 13-year-old daughter wasn’t impressed. “So,” she said, “he spent all that effort getting an Oxford law degree, and now he works at Starbucks?”Emoji 

 

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “Look at him. He’s like a vicious little Chihuahua thing. He’ll kill me the first chance he gets.” 

ANSWER:  Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me! This was said by Scott Evil (Seth Green) when he met Mini-Me (Verne Troyer). Mini-Me did not like Scott right from the start. In fact, Mini-Me tried to press the “Scott Evil” button and destroy him instantly, but he was denied. 

Monday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “This is the worst looking hat I ever saw. What, when you buy a hat like this, I bet you get a free bowl of soup.”

 

Friday’s Quizzler is……….

Hiding within, there can be 28

More or less builds the pearly gate

Holes inside, filled with gold

Silver bridges can these guys hold

Strong and sturdy are these chaps

Clean them up, or else silver caps

What are they? 

ANSWER: Teeth

 

 

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

What expression is hidden here?

Happiness: Sprinting and shouting “Lalalalalala!”

Sadness: Jogging quickly and screaming “Woo yay woo yay”

Elation: Bounding along cackling “Heeeeheeeeheeee”

 
 
 
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! NICE WORK BANKS! EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji                                       
 
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/      

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com.

 

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