Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Friday, September 2, 2016. 

LIFE PONDERING FOR THE WEEKEND..

Why do they call the airport a terminal if flying is supposed to be safe? 

Why is bra singular and panties plural? 

Why isn’t the word, phonetic – spelled the way it sounds? 

Did Adam and Eve have navels? 

Does anyone ever vanish with a trace? 

Why are those “easy open” food packages never easy to open? 

How come when socks come out of the dryer, there’s only one of each? 

Why do gas stations advertise their prices with a 9/10 at the end – does that really help sell more gas? 

Why do restaurants offer appetizers – don’t you already have an appetite if you’re there? 

What happened to the other 56 varieties of Heinz 57 sauce? 

Why do some moist towelette packages come with instructions that read, “Open package and use” – what else would you do with them? 

Why do some people feel the need to say, “Know what I’m saying?” after everything they say? 

How did James Bond know if his martini was shaken and not stirred? 

Why do people who sing the loudest tend to be the ones who are the most off key? Why do shampoo instructions read, “Rinse and repeat” – do they think we missed our head the first time? 

If one person is a size 52 and the other is a size 2 can one size really fit all? 

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great WEEKEND people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!    

 

DAILY QUOTES….  

 “When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.” –Mark Twain (Truly!)

“Never eat more than you can lift.” –Miss Piggy 

“Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.” –Benjamin Franklin 

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

“You Know It’s Your Last Day At Work When……”

You hand a bank teller an envelope, and when she asks, “What’s this?”, you realize you just dropped the company’s deposit in a mailbox.

A woman comes into the store, you turn to the other salesman and say, “I waited on the last fat ugly old lady. This one’s your turn”. Your boss is standing behind you. It’s his wife.

While your boss is at lunch, you sneak in and look at some confidential information on his computer. You spill coffee on the keyboard. It shorts out.

You return from a week’s vacation to find that you had scheduled *this* week as vacation, not last week.

You take a “sick” day. The next morning the boss asks you, “So, how was the fishing on Rock Creek yesterday?”.

You wake up hung over. You have a black eye and barked knuckles. You’re in jail. Last night was the company Christmas party. EmojiEmoji 

 

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “Hey, Red Riding Hood, wanna be eaten by the Big Bad Wolf?”

ANSWER:  The Hollywood Knights! This was said by Newbomb Turk (Robert Wuhl) to a cute girl dressed in a Red Riding Hood costume for Halloween. The young lady responded by flipping him the bird and stating the line that accompanies it. Wuhl was hilarious in this 1980 classic. His rendition of “Volare” will live in infamy. “Heavens, Nevans!”

Friday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???  “Look at him. He’s like a vicious little Chihuahua thing. He’ll kill me the first chance he gets.” 

 

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….

In this teaser you have two tasks. First, you need to fill in the correct blank letter of each word. Second, when you have done this, each letter then needs to be transferred to the numbered blanks in order to discover the keyword.

1. _ AINT

2. TIME _

3. B _ AST

4. MI _ ER

5. ST _ LL

6. BRI _ E

7. PLAN _

8. _ IFTY

9. RE _ AP

10. DIAR _

1. _ 2. _ 3. _ 4. _ 5. _ 6. _ 7. _ 8._ 9. _ 10. _ 

ANSWER: 1. p AINT

2. TIME r

3. B e AST

4. MI s ER

5. ST i LL

6. BRI d E

7. PLAN e

8. n IFTY

9. RE c AP

10. DIAR y

Keyword: PRESIDENCY  

 

 

Friday’s Quizzler is……….

Hiding within, there can be 28

More or less builds the pearly gate

Holes inside, filled with gold

Silver bridges can these guys hold

Strong and sturdy are these chaps

Clean them up, or else silver caps

What are they?

 
 
 
 
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/      

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com.

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