Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

13620987_818773138224416_6017518701429342876_n

WELCOME to Tuesday, August 30, 2016.  

What Profs Really Mean…..

This needs some minor revision. = I never actually got around to reading this.

My office hours are by appointment only. = I like to get out of here early.

Ten percent of your grade is based on class participation = I’ll be fudging your grades.

This won’t be on the test. = Nap time!

Bring the text to class. = I don’t have a clue how to lecture–we’ll just kill time with group read-alongs.

Talk to the department secretary. = Get lost.

Talk to me in my office after class. = Get out of my face.

The tests will all be multiple-choice. = I take questions directly from the study guide and 

have grad students do all my grading.

Don’t come in late during my lecture. = I have the attention span of a fruit fly.

Save your questions until the end. = Fruit-fly attention span

The final will be comprehensive. = I’ll expect you to recapitulate in two hours everything I couldn’t fully cover myself in 15 weeks.

Everyone will prepare in-class oral presentations. = This course is outside 

my specialty–I’ll just bluff it and let YOU teach.

There are two TAs available to help you. = I can’t be bothered.

This year I’ll be scaling the grades. = I just passed tenure review.

Let’s break up into quiet discussion groups. = I have a hangover.

Let’s have class outdoors today! = I had beans for lunch.

You won’t be able to sell back the text to the bookstore. = My contract wasn’t picked up.

Please note the last day to withdraw. = The midterm’s gonna suck.

he answer to number 4 is “b,” and just skip number 17. = I only got around to making up the test last night.

The second list is optional reading. = I have a rich fantasy life.

I haven’t had a chance to make up the syllabus for this course yet. = The idiot department chair stuck me with teaching this course at the last possible minute.

Well, it was on the syllabus. = I’ll hold you responsible for this even though I forgot about it myself.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!    

 

DAILY QUOTES….  

“A man has one hundred dollars and you leave him with two dollars, that’s subtraction” — Mae West

“A man in love is like a clipped coupon — it’s time to cash in” — Mae West

“Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache” — Mae West

“A nickel ain’t worth a dime anymore” — Yogi Berra

“There is nothing wrong with a woman welcoming all men’s 

advances as long as they are in cash” — Zsa Zsa Gabor

“This would be a much better world if more married couples were as deeply in love as they are in debt” — Earl Wilson  

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

There was this guy and he had a girlfriend called Lorraine who was very pretty and he liked her a lot.

One day he went to work to find that a new girl had started. Her name was Clearly and she was absolutely gorgeous. He became quite besotted with her and after a while it became obvious that she was interested in him too.

But this guy was a loyal man and he wouldn’t get involved with Clearly while he was still going out with Lorraine.

He decided that there was nothing for it but to break up with her and get it on with the new girl.

He planned several times to tell Lorraine but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. One day they went for a walk along the river bank when Lorraine slipped and fell in to the river. The current carried her off and she drowned.

The guy stopped for a moment by the river and then ran off smiling and singing: “I can see Clearly now Lorraine has gone”Emoji 

 

 

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “Randy lay there like a slug. It was his only defense.”  

ANSWER: A Christmas Story! This was said by the narrator when Ralphie (Peter Billingsley), his younger brother Randy (Ian Petrella), and their friends were being accosted by the bully Scott Farkus (Zack Ward), and his toadie Grover Dill (Yano Anaya). Randy fell to the ground and remained still, so as not to attract the attention of the kid with the yellow eyes and the kid whose lip curled over his green teeth. 

Tuesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Fruit of me loins!? I haven’t got fruit in me loins. Lice, yes – and proud of ’em – but no fruit.”

 

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

What saying is shown below?

Fair ice cream

Impartial pudding

Honorable jelly

Righteous cake 

ANSWER:  Just desserts. The adjectives for each of the desserts listed are all synonyms for “just”. 

 

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….

Yup, he’s back with more!!! Oxy, after finding that his first teaser had such great success, decided to find some more oxymorons and come up with another brain teaser!

Now, your task is the same as last time:

Can you figure out which well known oxymorons these words are?

Ex) Initial facsimile = original copy

1) discovered lost

2) bigger part

3) sugary sour

4) sad humor

5) solitary in company

 
 
 
 
 
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/      

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s