WELCOME to Tuesday, August 16, 2016.
Why does Hawaiian pizza also contain Canadian bacon?
Grape Nuts cereal. No grapes – no nuts. Huh?
What’s the difference between regular ketchup and fancy ketchup?
Do Dutch people always split the bill?
If you use Miracle Whip on Wonder Bread, do you have to use Heavenly Ham?
Is there ever a day that mattresses aren’t on sale?
They make bulletproof vests, why not bulletproof pants?
Why are oriental rug stores always going out of business?
Is there any difference between partly cloudy and partly sunny?
If it only takes one match to start a forest fire, why on earth does it take me a whole box of matches and a can of lighter fluid to light my grill?
When they ship those styrofoam peanuts, what do they pack them in?
How do you know when pickles or sour cream has gone bad?
How does one know when their bagpipes need tuning?
Allstate Insurance has a disclaimer that reads: ‘not available in all states’. What?
If Donkey Kong’s main character is a monkey, why isn’t it called Monkey Kong?
Why does the word lisp have an “s” in it?
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
“For a lot of children, the party known as summer is over today. Don’t worry, kids. School will end eventually and then you’ll get to go to a different kind of school called work, and it only ends when you get old and die.” -Jimmy Kimmel
“Pope Francis is now telling married couples to have children, because only having pets could lead to anger or bitterness in old age. As opposed to having kids, which leads to anger AND bitterness in old age.” -Jimmy Fallon
“Happy birthday to President Obama who just turned 55! He made a wish and blew out the candles, but then when he opened his eyes, he was still president.” -Seth Meyers
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
A man goes to consult a specialist about his medical problem. After the visit the man asks, “How much do I owe you?”
“My fee is five hundred dollars,” replies the physician.
“Five hundred dollars? That’s impossible. No one charges that much!”
“In your case,” the doctor replies, “I suppose I could adjust my fee to three hundred.”
“Three hundred dollars? For one visit? Ridiculous.”
“Well, then, could you afford two hundred?”
“Who has that kind of money?”
“Look, replies the doctor,” growing irritated, “Just give me a hundred and get out of my office, okay?”
“I can give you fifty,” says the man. “Take it or leave it.”
“I don’t understand you,” says the doctor. “Why did you come to the most expensive doctor in New York if you have no money?”
“Listen, Doctor,” says the patient, “When it comes to my health, nothing is too expensive!”
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘Because I want… to. I’ve wanted to ever since I saw you that day in the elevator. I know you don’t believe me, but I can prove it to you. You can’t believe what you see. But you can believe… what you feel. I’ve been thinking about you all day.”
ANSWER: Bound! Violet (Jennifer Tilly) starts to seduce Corky (Gina Gershon), so she can eventually talk her into helping her escape her mob marriage. I thought Gershon was incredible in this film
Tuesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘You see us as you want to see us: in the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions.
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
Below are five movie titles. However, they have been rephrased, and it is your job to figure them out.
Note: The capitalization in the following phrases is the same as it would be in the actual title. Good Luck!
1. Realm of the Land of angels and saints
2. The Ruler over the Hoops and circlets
3. Dignity and Bias
4. Vacation in Italy’s capital
5. Artist and scientist Leonardo’s Cipher
ANSWER: 1. Kingdom of Heaven, 2. The Lord of the Rings, 3. Pride and Prejudice, 4. Roman Holiday 5. The Da Vinci Code
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
What do these words have in common?
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/