Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Monday, August 15, 2016.  

Ponderings…… 

1. Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?

2. Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?

3. How do I set my laser printer on stun?

4. How is it possible to have a civil war?

5. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

6. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

7. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

8. If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

9. If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?

10. If you’re born again, do you have two belly-buttons?

11. If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?

12. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

13. Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot at them?

14. Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?

15. What happens when none of your bees wax?

16. If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn’t the whole airplane made out of the stuff?

17. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

18. If most car accidents occur within five miles of home, why doesn’t everyone just move 10 miles away?

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!    

 

DAILY QUOTES….  

“A Whole Foods store in New York will start offering customers cocktails while they shop. It’s part of Whole Foods’ new slogan, ‘You’d have to be drunk to pay these prices.'” -Conan O’Brien

“A guy in New York is selling the world’s largest video game collection, which includes 11,000 games. He doesn’t really want to sell it, but he needs some way to pay for the divorce.” -Jimmy Fallon

“A Colorado man unsuccessfully tried to break into a University of Colorado ATM by spraying it with acid and waiting for it to eat the protective covering away. He was caught when authorities examined the three hours of security footage of his face.” -Seth MeyersEmojiEmoji

Emoji

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

My dog sleeps about 20 hours a day. He has his food prepared for him. 

He can eat whenever he wants. 

His meals are provided at no cost to him. 

He visits the Doctor once a year for his check-up, and again during the year if any medical needs arise. 

For this he pays nothing, and nothing is required of him.

He lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than he needs, but he is not required to do any upkeep. 

He makes no contribution to the running or maintenance of the house.

If he makes a mess, someone else cleans it up. 

He has his choice of luxurious places to sleep. He receives these accommodations absolutely free. 

He is living like a King, and has absolutely no expenses what- soever.

All of his costs are picked up by others who go out, work hard, and earn a living every day.

I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head… 

I think my dog might be in Congress! Emoji

 

 

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘Bacon tastes gooood. Pork chops taste gooood.’ 

ANSWER: Pulp Fiction! Vincent (John Travolta) liked pig products, but Jules (Samuel L. Jackson) wouldn’t eat them because pigs were supposedly dirty animals.   

Monday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘Because I want… to. I’ve wanted to ever since I saw you that day in the elevator. I know you don’t believe me, but I can prove it to you. You can’t believe what you see. But you can believe… what you feel. I’ve been thinking about you all day.’

 

Friday’s Quizzler is……….

What costs nothing

but is worth everything,

weighs nothing, but can last a lifetime,

that one person can’t own,

but two or more can share? 

ANSWER:  Friendship 

 

 

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

Below are five movie titles. However, they have been rephrased, and it is your job to figure them out.

Note: The capitalization in the following phrases is the same as it would be in the actual title. Good Luck!

1. Realm of the Land of angels and saints

2. The Ruler over the Hoops and circlets

3. Dignity and Bias

4. Vacation in Italy’s capital

5. Artist and scientist Leonardo’s Cipher

 
 
 
 
 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/   

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com.

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