Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Wednesday, August 10, 2016.       

Ponderings…….. 

When you choke a smurf, what color does it turn? 

Does fuzzy logic tickle? 

Do blind eskimoes heave seeing-eye sled dogs? 

Do they have reserved parking for non-handicap people at the Special Olympics? 

Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one? 

How come wrong numbers are never busy? 

Do radioactve cats have 18 half-lives? 

If you shoot a mime, should you use a silencer? 

Why call it “take” a dump, when you leave something behind? 

What was the best thing before sliced bread? 

Why call then hot water heaters if the water is already hot? 

If you throw a cat out a car window does it become kitty litter? 

If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from? 

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex in the box? 

When a cow laughs does milk come up its nose? 

Why do they put braille on the number pads of drive-through bank machines? 

How did a fool and his money GET together? 

If nothing sticks to Teflon, how do they stick Teflon on the pan? 

How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign? 

If it’s tourist season, why can’t we shoot them? 

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!    

 

DAILY QUOTES….   

All the things I really like are either immoral, illegal or fattening. ~ Alexander Woollcott

I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.” ~ Rodney Dangerfield

Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.” ~ Spike Milligan

Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere.” ~ Mae West 

Here’s to alcohol: the source of, and answer to, all of life’s problems.” ~ Homer Simpson

Mr. Right is coming. But he’s in Africa and he’s walking.” ~ Oprah Winfrey

Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.” ~ Benjamin Franklin  

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

He was an inventor of note. He created a big shoe with a phone in the heel. Now, he thought, he could use a phone whenever he wanted. He made several more so that he could have several shoes with phones in the house. One day, an emergency came up and he needed a phone bad. Would you believe it, he couldn’t find a single phone boot.   

 

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘Where we’re going, we won’t need eyes to see.’ 

ANSWER: Event Horizon! Sam Neill’s character said this in the Paul Anderson-directed sci-fi movie. Laurence Fishburne costarred.  

Wednesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???  ‘What the eyes see and the ears hear, the mind believes.’

 

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….

Can you rank the following series of words in the proper order?

admission, cook, governor, league, message, mustard, pepper, punishment  

ANSWER: message, punishment, pepper, governor, cook, league, mustard, admission 

The reverse order is also acceptable.

Explanation:

Each of the words can be preceded by a military rank to form a phrase. 

(private) message, 

(corporal) punishment, 

(sergeant) pepper, 

(lieutenant) governor, 

(captain) cook, 

(major) league, 

(colonel) mustard, 

(general) admission  

 

 

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….

The cost of making only the maker knows, 

Valueless if bought, but sometimes traded. 

A poor man may give one as easily as a king. 

When one is broken pain and deceit are assured. 

What am I?

 
 
 
 
 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/   

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com.

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