WELCOME to Wednesday, August 3, 2016.
If you are asked to join a parade, don’t march behind the elephants.
If you are coasting, you’re going downhill.
If you are feeling good, don’t worry. You’ll get over it.
If you are given two contradictory orders, obey them both.
If you are not the lead dog, the scenery never changes.
If you are running for a short line, it suddenly becomes a long line.
If you are worried about being crazy, don’t be overly concerned. If you were, you would think you were sane.
If you can smile when things go wrong, you must have someone to blame.
If you cannot convince them, confuse them. – Harry S. Truman
If you cannot dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with lies.
If you cannot fix it, feature it.
If you cannot get your work done in a 24-hour day, then work nights!
If you cannot measure output, then you measure input.
If you cannot hope for order, withdraw with style from the chaos.
If you consult enough experts, you can confirm any opinion.
If you did what you always did, you’ll get what you always got.
If you do a job too well, you will get stuck with it.
If you do something right once, someone will ask you to do it again.
If you do not care where you are, then you aren’t lost.
If you do not change direction, you are likely to end up where you are headed.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Wednesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
“The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.” –Sam Levinson
“This recipe is certainly silly. It says to separate two eggs, but it doesn’t say how far to separate them.” — Gracie Allen
“I’ve been on a constant diet for the last two decades. I’ve lost a total of 789 pounds. By all accounts, I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.” — Erma Bombeck
“I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster.” — Joe E. Lewis
“I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead — not sick, not wounded — dead.” — Woody Allen
“Food is an important part of a balanced diet.” — Fran Lebowitz
“Health food makes me sick.” — Calvin Trillin
“Watermelon — it’s a good fruit. You eat, you drink, you wash your face.” — Enrico Caruso
“Old people shouldn’t eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get.” — Robert Orben
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
A Grandmother was surprised by her 7 year old grandson one morning when he had made her coffee.
She drank what was the worst cup of coffee in her life. When she got to the bottom there were three of those little green army men in the cup. She said, “Honey, what are the army men doing in my coffee?”
Her grandson said, “Grandma, it says on TV-‘The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!'”
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘There are some things though, I know for certain – always throw spilled salt over your left shoulder, keep rosemary by your garden gate and fall in love whenever you can.’
ANSWER: Practical Magic! Sandra Bullock played Sally and Nicole Kidman was Gillian.
Wednesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘I remember red.’
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
Find the correct words that fit with the following words:
Example: Air PORT Wine
1. Birth _ _ _ Light
2. Knock _ _ _ Line
3. Rock _ _ _ _ _ Bar
ANSWER: 1. DAY, 2. OUT, 3. CANDY
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
In this teaser, I have given you 4 words. Beside each word are a series of letter groupings. Your task is to find the 8-letter answer to the word on the left by choosing one letter from each of the letter groups to the right of each clue.
Statuette: fro evi gse rpu lor nai ngd rep
Fro evI Gse rpU loR naI Ngd rEp = FIGURINE
1. Spine: btc har com bak bol tro and ent
2. Private: phr eai lrd oms gop nep anl wld
3. Proclaim: abc ran uon mou umk ens sch tec
4. Canine guard: cwt ahr ort cul ghi dgh hio trg
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/