Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Friday, July 22, 2016.  

Ten Technical Terms About Computers And What They Mean To Farmers 

Log on: when you want to make the homestead warmer.

Log off: Timberrrrrrrrrrrr.

Mega Hertz: when you not careful getting the firewood.

Lap top: where the cat sleeps.

Hard drive: manoeuvring thought those rocky fields on the northern range when there is snow in the ground.

Windows: what to shut when it’s cold outside.

Byte: what mosquitoes do.

Modem: what I did to the hay fields.

Keyboard: where the keys hang.

Mouse: critters that eat the grain in the barn.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!    

 

DAILY QUOTES….   

“A kleptomaniac is a person who helps himself because he can’t help himself.” –Henry Morgan

“The radical of one century is the conservative of the next. The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out the conservative adopts them.” –Mark Twain

“To see what is in front of one’s nose needs a constant struggle.” –George Orwell  

 
 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

 Once, an engineer, a physicist and a safety officer all applied for the same job.

The Managing Director interviewed all three, and thought all were excellent. He had to think of some way to find the best person. So he told them all to come back the next day and tell him the exact height of the building. The one who was closest would get the job.

The physicist went to the top of the building, and dropped iron balls to the ground, and had his friend timed the balls. He did this several times.

The engineer got out a sextant, and computed ratios of a yardstick to the building.

The next day, the manager asks all three of them to tell how tall the building is.

’75 feet, 2.8 inches,’ says the physicist.

’76 feet, 4.1 inches,’ says the engineer.

’75 feet, 8.4 inches,’ says the safety officer.

‘My Goodness, said the MD, ‘the safety officer got it exactly correct. How did you manage that?’

‘Well’, said the safety officer, ‘I went down to the planning department and looked up the height in the building records.’Emoji 

 

 

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “You might recognize this song, as performed by Jefferson Airplane in a little rockumentary called “Gimme Shelter”, about the Rolling Stones and their nightmare at Altamont. That night, the Oakland chapter of the Hell’s Angels had their way. Tonight, it’s my turn.” 

ANSWER:  The Cable Guy! The Cable Guy, aka Chip Douglas, (Jim Carrey) said this at the party just before he was about to take his turn at Karaoke. He actually did a pretty cool rendition of the Airplane’s “Somebody to Love”, using a type of throat-warbling to make him sound something like Grace Slick. 

Friday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Now, history has certainly shown that even the most intuitive criminal minds can be wrong from time to time. But, if I have been mistaken – if the lieutenant is indeed a woman – then she is suffering from the worst case of hemorrhoids I have ever seen!”

 

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….

BARD

BARN
BARE
 

ANSWER:  end up behind bars.  The word “END” is spelled in an upward direction behind three occurrences of the word “BAR”.

 

 

Friday’s Quizzler is……….

Following are groups of three words. Can you figure out the common link within each group? 

Example: Hurricane, camera, needle (answer: eyes)

1: Barber, Rooster, Beehive

2: Bowling Alley, Tailor, Wrestling Match

3: Telephone, Deck of Cards, Car Trunk

4: Fishing Rod, Actor, Checkout Counter

5: Watermelon, Tennis Tournament, Idea

                                                                

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/   

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com.

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