Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Tuesday, July 12, 2016.   

You Are Probably Ready to Leave If….

It takes two tries to get up from the couch.

Your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.

You and your teeth don’t sleep together.

You try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you aren’t wearing any.

You step off a curb and look down one more time to make sure the street is still there.

Getting “lucky” means you remember where you left your car in the car park.

Everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt; doesn’t work.

You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there.

You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don’t even remember being on top of it.

You have more hair in your ears and nose than on your head.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!    

 

DAILY QUOTES….   

“A gossip is one who talks to you about others, a bore is one who talks to you about himself; and a brilliant conversationalist is one who talks to you about yourself.” -Lisa Kirk 

“Whenever I dwell for any length of time on my own short-comings, they gradually begin to seem mild, harmless, rather engaging little things, not at all like the staring defects in other people’s characters.” –Margaret Halsey 

“Since childhood is a time when kids prepare to be grown ups, I think it makes a lot of sense to completely traumatize your children. Gets ’em ready for the real world” –George Carlin  

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

Three elderly men, Eddie, Jenkin and Martin men go to the doctor’s for their memory test.  It’s a miracle they remembered the appointment!  Anyway, the doctor begins by asking Eddie, “What is five times five?”

“191,” is his reply.

The doctor rolls his eyes and looks up at the ceiling, and says to Jenkin, “It’s your turn. What is five times five?”

“Wednesday,” replies Jenkin man.

The doctor shakes his head sadly, then asks the third man, “Okay Martin it’s your turn. What’s five times five?”

“Twenty five,” says Martin.

“That’s great!” says the doctor. “How did you get your answer?”

“Easy,” says Martin, “just subtract 191 from Wednesday.”Emoji 

 

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘You want me to produce your war?    

ANSWER: Wag The Dog! Spoken by Stanley Motss (Dustin Hoffman) to Conrad Bream (Robert De Niro).  

Tuesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love, and be loved in return.’ 

 

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

What do these words have in common?

Swan

Cannon

Can

Pencil

Belly  

ANSWER: They are all the first words of types of dives into the water.

Swan Dive

Cannon Ball

Can Opener

Pencil Dive

Belly Flop 

 

 

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….

Unscramble the words below, then take the letters from each word as instructed to form another word that is the answer to this teaser:

LIUQA Take letters 1 & 2

PDIET Take letters 1,2 & 4

ETRSO Take letters 1 & 4

DONU Take letters 1 & 4

Unscramble the letters you collected… what do you get?

                              

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/   

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com.

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