WELCOME to Friday, July 8, 2016.
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
When someone asks you, “A penny for your thoughts,” and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It’s just stale bread to begin with.
When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car is not called a racist?
Why are wise man and a wise guy opposites?
Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?
Why isn’t 11 pronounced onety one?
“I am” is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that “I do” is the longest sentence?
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn’t it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, and drycleaners depressed?
Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as “4’s”?
Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars in the universe you will believe them, but if they tell you a wall has wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure?
If people from Poland are called “Poles,” why aren’t people from Holland called “Holes?”
Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
Just think how much deeper the ocean would be if sponges didn’t live there.
If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
“Two thieves stole $16,000 worth of iPhones from a New York Apple store by dressing as Apple ‘Geniuses.’ Police are on the lookout for two ‘Actual Geniuses.'” -Conan O’Brien
“A European perfume company has released a series of ‘Star Wars’ themed scents called Empire, Jedi, and Amidala. It’s the perfect cologne for what is almost certainly your first date.” -Seth Meyers
“The primaries being over reminds me what my brother used to say when I was a kid: ‘I’m going to keep punching you in the face but it will feel so good when it’s over.'” -Stephen Colbert
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
The supermarket had a sale on boneless chicken breasts and I intended to stock up. At the store, however, I was disappointed to find only a few skimpy pre-packaged portions of the poultry, so I complained to the butcher.
“Don’t worry,” she said, “I’ll pack some more trays and have them ready for you by the time you finish shopping.”
Several aisles later, I heard the lady butcher’s voice boom over the public-address system: “Will the gentleman who was looking for bigger breasts please meet me at the back of the store.”
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘There is nothing between us. There has never been anything between us. Just air.’
ANSWER: Singin’ In The Rain! Spoken by Don Lockwood (Gene Kelly) to Lina Lamont (Jean Hagen).
Friday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘By the authority invested in me by Kaiser Wilhelm II, I pronounce you husband and wife. Proceed with the execution.’
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
Below are definitions of words (with the length of the word in parentheses), followed by a clue for a broken version of the word. For example:
PONDERING (8)…Monarch after dieting.
Would result in the word “THINKING”, which could be broken into “THIN KING”.
Can you decipher the five words below?
1. Certain Evening (9)…Tiny chess piece
2. Deed Subjects (10)…Cravats that are suitable
3. Ne’er-do-well (11)…Onion performing hip-hop music
4. Hawaiian person, eg. (8)…Confessions of a scandalmonger
5. Buddhist belief (13)…Flower adorning a horse’s bridle
ANSWER: 1. WEEKNIGHT…WEE KNIGHT
2. PROPERTIES…PROPER TIES
3. RAPSCALLION…RAP SCALLION
4. ISLANDER…I SLANDER
5. REINCARNATION…REIN CARNATION
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
There are so many words. If you take the letters found in the word VALENTINES, using the clues below, can you figure out the words that can be made?
1. A number between 8 and 10
2. A person owned by another person
3. An indigenous person
4. To express anger, or a heating duct opening
5. A person who stands watch and/or is watching
6. Necessary to existence or well-being of something
7. A type of beverage served in a pub
8. Agreeably tolerant or permissive
9. Lacking noise
10. Foreign Language
11. Goes away, or items that fall from trees and need raking
12. Opposite of odd
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/