WELCOME to Wednesday, June 29, 2016.
Here’s the story…..
An elderly woman was returning home from a Thursday mid-week service at her local church. As she unlocked her door, an intruder startled her.
She caught the man in the very act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled,
‘STOP! Acts 2:38!’
The burglar stopped in his tracks.
The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done.
As the officer handcuffed the man to take him to gaol, he asked the burglar, ‘Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was quote a scripture to you.’
‘Scripture?’ replied the burglar. ‘I thought the lady had an axe and two 38’s!’
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
“In Virginia recently, a computer crash wiped out a decade’s worth of U.S. military data. However, this morning, the Chinese government called and said no problem, we backed it up.” -Conan O’Brien
“Kim Kardashian appears nude on the current cover of ‘GQ,’ with the headline ‘Kim as you’ve never seen her.’ Which I can only assume means in a library?” -Jimmy Fallon
“A company has created a line of non-alcoholic wines for cats containing catnip, water, and organic beet juice for owners who want to drink with their pets. Said the cats, “Yeah, I’d love to, but I actually have a thing tonight.'” -Seth Meyers
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
A blind man was describing his favorite sport, parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him: “I am placed in the door and told when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me, and out I go.”
“But how do you know when you are going to land?” he was asked.
“I have a very keen sense of smell and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground” he answered.
“But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?” he was again asked.
The man quickly answered. “Oh, the dog’s leash goes slack.”
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “Your mother puts license plates in your underwear? How do you sit?”
ANSWER: Real Genius! Chris Knight (Val Kilmer) says this to Mitch (Gabe Jarret). This is one of Val’s few turns in a comedic role. Val Kilmer can also be seen in a comedic role in the 1984 film “Top Secret”.
Wednesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “My little brother paid a buck to see your underwear.”
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
I have 7 letters.
Letters 1-2-6-3-5-4-7 mean the compactness of something.
Letters 7-2-4-5 mean a legendary large, hairy creature that is said to inhabit the Himalayas.
Letters 7-2-3 mean something that is said to show approval, which you wouldn’t be saying if you were trying to 1-2-6-7 something.
Letters 4-5-2-1 mean that everything is equal.
The whole word means a predetermined course of events.
YETI (also known as Abominable Snowman)
YES and DENY
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
The bottom heats,
The top cools,
And little blobs
Swim in my pools
I can be different colours,
And be a source of light,
A bedroom accessory,
I light up the night!
What am I?
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! NICE WORK BANKS!
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/