Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Monday, June 27, 2016.    

Here’s the story…

A group of women were at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with your husband. The women were asked, “How many of you love your husband?” All the women raised their hands.

Then they were asked, “When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?”

Some women answered today, a few yesterday, and some couldn’t remember.

The women were then told to take out their cell phones and text their husband: “I love you, sweetheart.”

The women were then told to exchange phones with another person, and to read aloud the text message they received, in response.

Here are some of the replies:

1. Who the hell is this?

2. Eh, mother of my children, are you sick or what?

3. Yeah, and I love you too. What’s up with you?

4. What now? Did you wreck the car again?

5. I don’t understand what you mean?

6. What the hell did you do now?

7. You’re kidding, right?

8. Don’t beat about the bush; just tell me how much you need?

9. Am I dreaming?

10. If you don’t tell me who this message is actually for, someone will die.

11. I thought we agreed you wouldn’t drink during the day. (my favorite)

12. Your mother is coming to stay with us, isn’t she?

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!    

 

DAILY QUOTES….   

“Yale University’s being pushed to modify a poetry course because students have complained that the content is too white. Students objected specifically to a poem called ‘Ode to a Lost Prius in the Whole Foods Parking Lot.'” -Conan O’Brien

“Authorities are warning people to avoid swimming in some New Jersey rivers because of increased numbers of so-called clinging jellyfish. Though if you’re swimming in New Jersey rivers, you’re probably not big on warnings.” -Seth Meyers 

“This was a little controversial: Pope Francis recently said that the majority of modern Catholic marriages are worthless because couples don’t always mean it when they say they’ll love each other forever. And that’s the last time Pope Francis was ever asked to give a best man speech.” -Jimmy Fallon

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

A guy from Brooklyn was in Hong Kong. While passing through a Jewish neighborhood he was surprised to see a synagogue. He went in and sure enough, he saw a Chinese rabbi and a Chinese congregation. The service was touching.

As the service ended, the rabbi stood at the door greeting his congregants. When our Brooklyn friend came up, the Chinese rabbi said….”You’re a Jew?”

“Yes, I’m Jewish,” replied the Brooklynite.

“Funny,” said the Chinese rabbi. “You don’t look it.”Emoji 

 

 

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “If I’m not engaged by the time I’m twenty I’m gonna kill myself.” 

ANSWER: Shag! Page Hannah is credited with this quote. She portrayed Luanne Clatterback the snooty daughter of a senator from South Carolina in this 1989 romantic drama. Page also had a small role in “Gremlins 2: The New Batch” (1990).  

Monday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Hey, I like that hat, man. They sell men’s clothes where you got that?”

 

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….

The following sentences have two blanks that can be filled with two words that are anagrams of each other. Please find those words.

1. The _____ on the water was giving the fisherman a headache. “Oh, well”, he thought, “maybe another _____ will help,” as he reached for his cooler.

2. As the two lovers sat quietly staring into _____, they were both glad that they had brought their _____ on this chilly night.

3. It is not that Officer Smith _____ this part of his job, it was just that there was no easy way to tell someone about a _____ in the family.  

ANSWER: 1. glare, lager  2. space, capes  3. hated, death  

 

 

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

When I went to the store, I purchased four items. The following shows the cost of three of the items:

$1.50

$3.00

$4.00 

The line to the checkout was pretty long, so to quench my boredom I started playing with my pocket calculator while waiting.

I found out, to my surprise, that the four prices of the four items I purchased added to the same number as I got when I multiplied the four prices together.

What was the price of the fourth item?

 

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/   

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com.

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