WELCOME to Wednesday, June 1, 2016.
If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model. I’ve got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish, and my paint job is getting a little dull. But that’s not the worst of it.
My headlights are out of focus, and it’s especially hard to see things up close.
My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and bump
into things even in the best of weather.
My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins. It takes me hours to reach my
maximum speed. My fuel rate burns inefficiently.
But here’s the very worst of it:
Almost every time I sneeze, cough or laugh, either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
“The Centers for Disease Control reports that 80 percent of public swimming pools they investigated have health and safety violations. 80 percent! The study concluded with ‘enjoy your Memorial Day weekend.'” -Conan O’Brien
“A study by the Pew Research Center determined that more millennials between the ages of 18 and 34 are living with their parents than at any other point in history. Millennials were happy to take the poll, while their parents were proud of them for finishing the poll.” -James Corden
“It’s been reported that the head of security for the TSA has been officially removed from his position. That’s right, he was told to turn in his badge, his uniform, his shoes, his belt, his keys, bottles over 4 ounces, his laptop, and any coins in his pockets.” -Jimmy Fallon
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
I asked my wife, ‘Where do you want to go for our anniversary?’
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
‘Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time.’ she said.
So I suggested, ‘How about the kitchen?’
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, ‘I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 6.4 seconds.’
I bought her a weighing scales.
A woman was looking in the bedroom mirror.
She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, ‘I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.’
The husband replies, ‘Your eyesight’s absolutely perfect.’
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “I have your car towed all the way to your house and all you’ve got for me is light beer.”
Answer: Back to the Future! This was said by the rude Biff Tannen who did not have any tact. Thomas F. Wilson portrayed Biff and various ancestors of Biff in all three of the “BTTF” movies.
Wednesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “So what would you little maniacs like to do first?”
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
Five words that contain MB as a letter-pair have had all of their other letters removed and placed into a pool. Put those letters back in their proper places. What are the words?
-MB–, –MB-, —MB, —MB–, —MB—
Pool: C, D, E, E, E, I, I, J, L, L, N, O, O, O, R, R, S, T, U, U
ANSWER: IMBED, JUMBO, CLIMB, SLUMBER, TROMBONE
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
Though my gray beginnings are not so pretty,
I grow quite well into my beauty.
Alabaster white or black as night,
My grace is known world wide.
I may make my home in the chilly Arctic,
I’m also known well down under,
From North America to South America I may be known to trumpet.
As a female I may Pen my name,
While the males may prefer to pick at a Cob.
But near or far my beauty is known by lore and by myth.
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/