Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

10341639_10152436378976314_2416032127089218291_n

WELCOME to Thursday, June 30, 2016.  

Here’s the story…. 

A professor stood before his class of twenty senior organic biology students, about to hand out the final exam.

“I want to say that it’s been a pleasure teaching you this semester. I know you’ve all worked extremely hard and many of you are off to medical school after summer. So that no one gets their GPA messed up because they might have been celebrating a bit too much this week, anyone who would like to opt out of the final exam today will receive a ‘B’ for the test.”

There was much rejoicing in the class as students got up, walked to the front of the class, and took the professor up on his offer. As the last taker left the room, the professor looked out over the handful of remaining students and asked, “Anyone else? This is your last chance.”

One final student rose up and opted out of the final.

The professor closed the door and took attendance of those students remaining. “I’m glad to see you believe in yourselves,” he said. “You all get ‘A’s.”

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!    

 

DAILY QUOTES….   

“The UK officially voted to leave the European Union. It caused the British pound to hit a 31-year low. You could tell Brits were struggling. Today Queen Elizabeth was wearing one of those cardboard crowns from Burger King.” -Jimmy Fallon

“In Jerusalem, renovation work is beginning on Jesus’s burial tomb. It’s being listed as ‘occupied by previous owner for only three days!'” -Conan O’Brien

“A man in Minneapolis, Minnesota, is suing the TSA claiming that overly long airport security lines caused him to miss a flight. Seems like a strange move until you realize there’s no jury in the world that will side with the TSA.” -James Corden

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

The new Supermarket near our house has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain. 

When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and witness the scent of fresh hay. 

When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying. 

The veggie department features the smell of fresh buttered corn. 

I don’t buy toilet paper there any more. Emoji

 

 

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “My little brother paid a buck to see your underwear.” 

ANSWER: Sixteen Candles! Samantha (Molly Ringwald) is mortified to hear this from her best friend Randy. Another favorite quote of mine in the film that leads up to this is when Sam says “I can’t believe I gave my panties to a geek”. 

Thursday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “All I need is a watermelon and two jelly doughnuts.”

 

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….

The bottom heats,

The top cools,

And little blobs

Swim in my pools

I can be different colours,

And be a source of light,

A bedroom accessory,

I light up the night!

What am I?  

ANSWER: A lava lamp. The hint referred to the fact that a volcano has lava in it.  

 

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….

Six words that contain YO as a letter-pair have had all of their other letters removed and placed into a pool. Put those letters back in their proper places. What are the words?

YO—, YO—-, -YO—, –YO–, —YO-, —-YO

Pool: A, B, B, C, C, D, D, D, E, E, E, E, I, L, M, M, N, N, N, N, P, R, R

 

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! NICE WORK BANKS! 

EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji                                  

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/   

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com.

Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

generationy

WELCOME to Wednesday, June 29, 2016.  

Here’s the story…..  

An elderly woman was returning home from a Thursday mid-week service at her local church.  As she unlocked her door, an intruder startled her.

She caught the man in the very act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled,

‘STOP! Acts 2:38!’

The burglar stopped in his tracks.

The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done.

As the officer handcuffed the man to take him to gaol, he asked the burglar, ‘Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was quote a scripture to you.’

‘Scripture?’ replied the burglar. ‘I thought the lady had an axe and two 38’s!’

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!    

 

DAILY QUOTES….   

“In Virginia recently, a computer crash wiped out a decade’s worth of U.S. military data. However, this morning, the Chinese government called and said no problem, we backed it up.” -Conan O’Brien

“Kim Kardashian appears nude on the current cover of ‘GQ,’ with the headline ‘Kim as you’ve never seen her.’ Which I can only assume means in a library?” -Jimmy Fallon

“A company has created a line of non-alcoholic wines for cats containing catnip, water, and organic beet juice for owners who want to drink with their pets. Said the cats, “Yeah, I’d love to, but I actually have a thing tonight.'” -Seth Meyers   

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

A blind man was describing his favorite sport, parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him: “I am placed in the door and told when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me, and out I go.” 

“But how do you know when you are going to land?” he was asked. 

“I have a very keen sense of smell and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground” he answered. 

“But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?” he was again asked. 

The man quickly answered. “Oh, the dog’s leash goes slack.” Emoji

 

 

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “Your mother puts license plates in your underwear? How do you sit?”

ANSWER: Real Genius! Chris Knight (Val Kilmer) says this to Mitch (Gabe Jarret). This is one of Val’s few turns in a comedic role. Val Kilmer can also be seen in a comedic role in the 1984 film “Top Secret”.  

Wednesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “My little brother paid a buck to see your underwear.”

 

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….

I have 7 letters.

1-2-3-4-5-6-7

Letters 1-2-6-3-5-4-7 mean the compactness of something.

Letters 7-2-4-5 mean a legendary large, hairy creature that is said to inhabit the Himalayas.

Letters 7-2-3 mean something that is said to show approval, which you wouldn’t be saying if you were trying to 1-2-6-7 something.

Letters 4-5-2-1 mean that everything is equal.

The whole word means a predetermined course of events.  

ANSWER: DESTINY

DENSITY

YETI (also known as Abominable Snowman)

YES and DENY

TIED 

 

 

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….

The bottom heats,

The top cools,

And little blobs

Swim in my pools

I can be different colours,

And be a source of light,

A bedroom accessory,

I light up the night!

What am I?

 

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! NICE WORK BANKS! 

EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji                                  

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/   

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com.

Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

wok_this_way

WELCOME to Tuesday, June 28, 2016.  

Hilarious Warning Labels…………..  

  1. Do not use house paint on face. Seen on TV in a Visa commercial that depicts an expecting couple looking for paint at a hardware store.
  2. Do not drive cars in ocean. Seen in a car commercial which shows a car in the ocean.
  3. Always drive on roads. Not on people. Taken from a car commercial which shows a vehicle ‘body-surfing’ at a concert.
  4. Take care: new non-slip surface. A sign in front of a newly renovated ramp that led to the entrance of a building.
  5. Do not sit under coconut trees. A sign on a coconut palm in a car park.
  6. These rows reserved for parents with children.  A sign in a church.
  7. All cups leaving this store, rather full or empty, must be paid for.  A sign in a Cumberland Farms in Hillsboro, New Hampshire.
  8. Malfunction: Too less water. A notice left on a coffee machine.
  9. Prescriptions cannot be filled by phone. On a form in a clinic.
  10. You could be a winner!  No purchase necessary.  Details inside.  On a bag of Fritos.
  11. Fits one head. On a hotel-provided shower cap box.
  12. Payment is due by the due date. On a credit card statement.
  13. No small children. On a Laundromat triple washer.
  14. Toilet Plunger – Caution: Do not use near power lines.
  15. Dremel Electric Rotary Tool – This product not intended for use as a dental drill.
  16. Stridex Foaming Face Wash – May contain foam.
  17. Earplugs – These ear plugs are nontoxic, but may interfere with breathing if caught in windpipe.
  18. Pine Mountain Fire Logs – Caution: Risk of fire.
  19. Air Conditioner – Caution: Avoid dropping air conditioners out of windows.
  20. Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish.  Found on a bottle of shampoo for dogs.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!    

 

DAILY QUOTES….   

 “Oscar winner Helen Mirren confirmed that she will be appearing in the eighth ‘Fast and Furious’ film. She’ll be playing a respected actress who needs the money.” -Conan O’Brien

“The temperature hit 112 in Beverly Hills yesterday. That’s dangerous. Experts say the best thing you can do in heat like this is take a screen shot of the weather app and post it to Facebook. That way if you die, you go out with some likes.” -Jimmy Kimmel

“Democrats held a big sit-in on the House floor to protest Congress’ refusal to vote on gun control. Or in other words, Democrats were tired of Congress not getting anything done, so they refused to get anything done until someone got something done.” -Jimmy Fallon

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

One woman was talking to her friend, “You should listen to my neighbor,” she says. “She is always bad-mouthing her poor husband behind his back. I think that’s so rude. Look at me! My husband is fat, lazy and cheap; but have you ever heard me say a bad word about him?” Emoji

 

 

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “Hey, I like that hat, man. They sell men’s clothes where you got that?” 

ANSWER: Footloose! Ren (Kevin Bacon) says this to Willard (Christopher Penn) on his first day at his new school. Willard laughed at it and thought he was funny so they became friends. 

Tuesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Your mother puts license plates in your underwear? How do you sit?”

 

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

When I went to the store, I purchased four items. The following shows the cost of three of the items:

$1.50

$3.00

$4.00 

The line to the checkout was pretty long, so to quench my boredom I started playing with my pocket calculator while waiting.

I found out, to my surprise, that the four prices of the four items I purchased added to the same number as I got when I multiplied the four prices together.

What was the price of the fourth item?  

ANSWER: The three prices add to 1.50 + 3.00 + 4.00 = $8.50.

The three prices multiply to 1.50 x 3.00 x 4.00 = $18.00.

You might be able to see that adding another $0.50 will take the total to $9.00, and multiplying by another $0.50 will take the product to $9.00 also, but the answer can also be found using algebra. Let’s call the unknown price P:

1.50 + 3.00 + 4.00 + P = 1.50 x 3.00 x 4.00 x P

8.50 + P = 18.00 x P

8.50 = 18.00 x P – P

8.50 = 17.00 x P

8.50/17.00 = P

P = 0.50. 

 

 

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….

I have 7 letters.

1-2-3-4-5-6-7

Letters 1-2-6-3-5-4-7 mean the compactness of something.

Letters 7-2-4-5 mean a legendary large, hairy creature that is said to inhabit the Himalayas.

Letters 7-2-3 mean something that is said to show approval, which you wouldn’t be saying if you were trying to 1-2-6-7 something.

Letters 4-5-2-1 mean that everything is equal.

The whole word means a predetermined course of events. 

 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/   

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com.

Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

funny-pictures-of-old-ladies.jpg

WELCOME to Monday, June 27, 2016.    

Here’s the story…

A group of women were at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with your husband. The women were asked, “How many of you love your husband?” All the women raised their hands.

Then they were asked, “When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?”

Some women answered today, a few yesterday, and some couldn’t remember.

The women were then told to take out their cell phones and text their husband: “I love you, sweetheart.”

The women were then told to exchange phones with another person, and to read aloud the text message they received, in response.

Here are some of the replies:

1. Who the hell is this?

2. Eh, mother of my children, are you sick or what?

3. Yeah, and I love you too. What’s up with you?

4. What now? Did you wreck the car again?

5. I don’t understand what you mean?

6. What the hell did you do now?

7. You’re kidding, right?

8. Don’t beat about the bush; just tell me how much you need?

9. Am I dreaming?

10. If you don’t tell me who this message is actually for, someone will die.

11. I thought we agreed you wouldn’t drink during the day. (my favorite)

12. Your mother is coming to stay with us, isn’t she?

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!    

 

DAILY QUOTES….   

“Yale University’s being pushed to modify a poetry course because students have complained that the content is too white. Students objected specifically to a poem called ‘Ode to a Lost Prius in the Whole Foods Parking Lot.'” -Conan O’Brien

“Authorities are warning people to avoid swimming in some New Jersey rivers because of increased numbers of so-called clinging jellyfish. Though if you’re swimming in New Jersey rivers, you’re probably not big on warnings.” -Seth Meyers 

“This was a little controversial: Pope Francis recently said that the majority of modern Catholic marriages are worthless because couples don’t always mean it when they say they’ll love each other forever. And that’s the last time Pope Francis was ever asked to give a best man speech.” -Jimmy Fallon

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

A guy from Brooklyn was in Hong Kong. While passing through a Jewish neighborhood he was surprised to see a synagogue. He went in and sure enough, he saw a Chinese rabbi and a Chinese congregation. The service was touching.

As the service ended, the rabbi stood at the door greeting his congregants. When our Brooklyn friend came up, the Chinese rabbi said….”You’re a Jew?”

“Yes, I’m Jewish,” replied the Brooklynite.

“Funny,” said the Chinese rabbi. “You don’t look it.”Emoji 

 

 

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “If I’m not engaged by the time I’m twenty I’m gonna kill myself.” 

ANSWER: Shag! Page Hannah is credited with this quote. She portrayed Luanne Clatterback the snooty daughter of a senator from South Carolina in this 1989 romantic drama. Page also had a small role in “Gremlins 2: The New Batch” (1990).  

Monday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Hey, I like that hat, man. They sell men’s clothes where you got that?”

 

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….

The following sentences have two blanks that can be filled with two words that are anagrams of each other. Please find those words.

1. The _____ on the water was giving the fisherman a headache. “Oh, well”, he thought, “maybe another _____ will help,” as he reached for his cooler.

2. As the two lovers sat quietly staring into _____, they were both glad that they had brought their _____ on this chilly night.

3. It is not that Officer Smith _____ this part of his job, it was just that there was no easy way to tell someone about a _____ in the family.  

ANSWER: 1. glare, lager  2. space, capes  3. hated, death  

 

 

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

When I went to the store, I purchased four items. The following shows the cost of three of the items:

$1.50

$3.00

$4.00 

The line to the checkout was pretty long, so to quench my boredom I started playing with my pocket calculator while waiting.

I found out, to my surprise, that the four prices of the four items I purchased added to the same number as I got when I multiplied the four prices together.

What was the price of the fourth item?

 

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/   

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com.

Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

punny_animals_03

WELCOME to Thursday, June 16, 2016.   

Latest from the Church Pews News….. 

Tonight’s sermon: ‘What is hell?’ Come early and listen to our choir practice.

This afternoon, there will be a meeting in the south and north ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

Tuesday, at 4pm, there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk come early.

Thursday, at 5pm, there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All ladies wishing to be Little Mothers please meet with the vicar in his office.

This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Richards to come forward and lay an egg at the altar.

The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement on Friday afternoon.

The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of Roderick James Hillman, the sin of Revd. and Mrs. Hillman.

For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

‘Help blow up and decorate the church with balloons on Easter morning. 

Meet at 7:30 am to help. Won’t take long!’

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!    

 

DAILY QUOTES….   

“A British tech company has debuted new technology that lets clothing store mannequins talk about the outfit they are displaying. Said the inventor, ‘The idea came to me in a nightmare.'” -Seth Meyers

“Scientists have discovered a species of fish that surrounds itself with uglier fish in order to look more attractive. However, scientists could not identify which sorority it belongs to.” -Jimmy Fallon

“Researchers are developing a stay-sober pill that will prevent you from getting drunk off of alcohol. It’s perfect for the drinker who wants all the calories of alcohol but none of the fun.” -Conan O’Brien  

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

 A pretty young blonde stood at the bank cashier’s window and smiled. “I’d like to cash this check, please,” she said, handing it over.

The teller examined the check and said: “Could you identify yourself, Miss?”

For a moment the lovely girl’s brow creased over, then with a bright look she fumbled in her handbag and producing a mirror, glanced in it and with relief said, “Yes! It’s me, all right!” 

The clerk said, “No Ma’am, you misunderstood me. We require a photo identification.”

The girl searched her bag again and found a picture with a group of people. “This is a recent family photo,” she explained. “That’s me, third from the left.”Emoji 

 

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “I’d rather be with someone for the wrong reasons then be alone for the right.” 

ANSWER:  Some Kind of Wonderful! Miss Amanda Jones played by Lea Thompson said this quote in this 1987 teen drama. It is your typical boy loves girl from the same side of the tracks, but girl loves boy from the other side of the tracks. The movie also starred Eric Stoltz, Mary Stuart Masterson, and Craig Sheffer.

Thursday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “If I’m not engaged by the time I’m twenty I’m gonna kill myself.”

 

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….

And now for more mystery quotes in the style of the Vowel-less knights…

1. dn’t knw wh m grndfthr ws; m mch mr cncrnd t knw wht hs grndsn wll b.

2. t’s rnng cts nd dgs t thr!

3. ‘ll gt thrgh, cm hll r hgh wtr.  

ANSWER: 1. I don’t know who my grandfather was; I am much more concerned to know what his grandson will be.

Bonus: Abraham Lincoln

2. It’s raining cats and dogs out there!

Bonus: Because a very heavy rain on an uninsulated roof sounds like heavy objects are hitting it.

3. I’ll get through, come hell or high water.

Bonus: Cattle ranchers, driving herds to market.  

 

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….

The following sentences have two blanks that can be filled with two words that are anagrams of each other. Please find those words.

1. The _____ on the water was giving the fisherman a headache. “Oh, well”, he thought, “maybe another _____ will help,” as he reached for his cooler.

2. As the two lovers sat quietly staring into _____, they were both glad that they had brought their _____ on this chilly night.

3. It is not that Officer Smith _____ this part of his job, it was just that there was no easy way to tell someone about a _____ in the family.

 

TODAY’S QUIZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/   

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com.

Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

6-74693-mm_babymeme15-1406927579

WELCOME to Wednesday, June 15, 2016.   

Did You Know?  

 In a recent poll held in the USA, American men and women were asked if they would marry the same person if they had it to do all over again. 

80% of the men responded that they would marry the same woman. 

Interestingly, only 50% of the women responded that they would marry the same man. Oh dear!

Gamophobia is the fear of marriage.

‘When women hold off from marrying men, we call it independence.  When men hold off from marrying women, we call it fear of commitment.’ – Warren Farrell (American Psychologist)

Men who never get carried away should be.  Malcolm Forbes

The only thing worse than a man you can’t control is a man you can.  Margo Kaufman

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!    

 

DAILY QUOTES….   

 “A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.” –Bob Hope 

“Inspiration does exist, but it must find you working.” –Pablo Picasso 

“Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome.” –Booker T. Washington 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

At a wedding ceremony at which Father Brian Hamilton was officiating, he was seen to raise his hand in order to give the final blessing at the end of the service.

Louise, the bride, totally misunderstood this gesture and surprised the vicar with a high-five.

Not wanting to exclude Mark, the groom, Father Brian also offered him a high-five.

Father Brian was eventually able to give the blessing, this time with the laughter of the guests ringing in his ears.Emoji 

 

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “I never had any friends later on like those I had when I was twelve. Jesus, does anyone?” 

ANSWER: Stand by Me! This should stand out if you have seen this film because it is the last line in the film. Richard Dreyfuss played the older Gordie in this film with the younger one being portrayed by Wil Wheaton. This 1986 tear jerker also starred Corey Feldman, Jerry O’Connell, and the late River Phoenix.  

Wednesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “I’d rather be with someone for the wrong reasons then be alone for the right.”

 

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….

Alice came across a lion and a unicorn in a forest of forgetfulness. Those two are strange beings. The lion lies every Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday and the other days he speaks the truth. The unicorn lies on Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays, however the other days of the week he speaks the truth.

Lion: Yesterday I was lying.

Unicorn: So was I.

On which day did they say that?  

ANSWER: As there is no day when both of the beings would be lying, at least one of them must have spoken the truth. They both speak the truth only on Sunday. However, the Lion would then be lying in his statement, so it couldn’t be said on Sunday. So exactly one of them lied.

If the Unicorn was honest, then it would have to be Sunday – but previously we proved this wrong. Thus only the Lion spoke the truth when he met Alice on Thursday and spoke with the Unicorn about Wednesday. 

 

 

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….

And now for more mystery quotes in the style of the Vowel-less knights…

1. dn’t knw wh m grndfthr ws; m mch mr cncrnd t knw wht hs grndsn wll b.

2. t’s rnng cts nd dgs t thr!

3. ‘ll gt thrgh, cm hll r hgh wtr.

 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/   

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com.

Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

oldwomanwithbinoculars

WELCOME to Tuesday, June 14, 2016.  

A FEW SIMPLE RULES FOR HAPPY LIVING:

Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop. 

Avoid arguments with women about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink. 

For high blood pressure sufferers – simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure on your veins. Remember to use a timer. 

A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button. 

If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. You’ll be afraid to cough. 

You only need two tools in life – WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn’t move and it should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn’t move and it does, use the duct tape. 

If you can’t fix it with a hammer, you’ve got an electrical problem. 

Daily thought: Some people are like Slinkies…not really good for much but they bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!    

 

DAILY QUOTES….   

“A clothing company is going to release a $99 wedding dress. The $99 wedding dress is the perfect way to tell your man, ‘I do, I guess.'” -Conan O’Brien

“A judge in New Jersey ruled that women can keep their husbands and boyfriends out of the delivery room while they are in labor. When asked if they’d mind leaving the room, the husbands and boyfriends were already gone.” -Jimmy Fallon

“A scientist and a chef teamed up to test whether or not lobsters can feel pain. Apparently, the hardest part is getting a lobster to sit still long enough to watch ‘The Notebook.'” -Seth Meyers  

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

A young city boy visiting a dude ranch wanted to be appear macho, so he went out walking with one of the hired hands.

As they were walking through the barnyard, the visitor tried to begin a conversation, “Say, isn’t that fine-looking bunch of cows over there.”

The hired hand replied, “Not ‘bunch,’ it’s ‘herd.'”

“Heard what?”

“Herd of cows.”

“Sure, I’ve heard of cows!” finished the city boy excitedly, “there’s a big bunch of ’em right over there.”  Emoji

 

 

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “My mother is in there crying and I hope your happy.” 

ANSWER: Secret Admirer! Michael who is portrayed by C. Thomas Howell says this to the mailman, when he believes that his mother is upset with, because he is late. This is a tale of a love letter that continually ends up in the wrong hands. Yet another movie from 1985 that starred Kelly Preston and Lori Loughlin.  

Tuesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “I never had any friends later on like those I had when I was twelve. Jesus, does anyone?”

 

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

In each sentence below, the name of a fruit is hidden. Each of these fruits end with the word ‘berry’. You won’t find the word ‘berry’ itself hidden there of course, but try to find the missing part of each fruit to give it its full name. 

1. He looked blue in the face from too much exposure to the freezing cold outside.

2. Boys, enter at your own risk!

3. We have a beautiful farm out in the countryside and we own a few goats, duck and one goose.

4. She got cranky when people pointed out her mistake.

5. The children are scared of his raspy voice, and stay well away from his house.

6. After a hard day’s work at the farm, the horse gratefully collapsed on the straw heap.

7. Too late! The cake had turned into a black charred mass because everyone forgot about it!  

ANSWER:  1. He looked BLUE in the face from too much exposure to the freezing cold outside. – Blueberry

2. BOYS, ENter at your own risk! – Boysenberry

3. We have a beautiful farm out in the countryside and we own a few goats, duck and one GOOSE. – Gooseberry

4. She got CRANky when people pointed out her mistake. – Cranberry

5. The children are scared of his RASPy voice, and stay well away from his house. – Raspberry

6. After a hard day’s work at the farm, the horse gratefully collapsed on the STRAW heap. – Strawberry

7. Too late! The cake had turned into a BLACK charred mass because everyone forgot about it! – Blackberry

Enjoy your berry feast! 

 

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….

Alice came across a lion and a unicorn in a forest of forgetfulness. Those two are strange beings. The lion lies every Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday and the other days he speaks the truth. The unicorn lies on Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays, however the other days of the week he speaks the truth.

Lion: Yesterday I was lying.

Unicorn: So was I.

On which day did they say that?

 

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS KIM HILLYARD AND MS ANDREA L. BANKS. SUPER SOLVING WORK LADIES.  EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/   

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com.