Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Tuesday, May 24, 2016.   

HERE’S THE STORY…

A chain of stores that sells husbands has just opened in a town near you.  The idea is that a single woman may visit the store an choose her husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!

There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch …  You may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building! So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a spouse.

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 – These men have jobs and love the Lord. 

The second floor sign reads:

Floor 2 – These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids. 

The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 – These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.

“Wow,” she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. 

She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:

Floor 4 These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead good looking and help with the housework.

“Oh, mercy me!” she exclaims, “I can hardly stand it!” Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:

Floor 5 These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 6: You are visitor 5,3018 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.

Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!     

 

DAILY QUOTES….    

“Happy Birthday to legendary boxer Sugar Ray Leonard, who turned 60 years old yesterday! You can tell he’s getting older by his new name – Splenda Ray Leonard.” -Jimmy Fallon

“This week a California man recorded his wife giving birth, and accidentally live streamed it to the world on Facebook. I’ve heard of people on Facebook oversharing, but ovary sharing? ” -James Corden

“Over the weekend, a man broke the world record for ‘Donkey Kong,’ making it through the entire game using up just one life. That’s right – his own.” -Conan O’Brien  

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 

A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the zoo. Knowing that he could hop pretty high, the zoo officials put up an 8-foot fence. The next morning, however, the kangaroo was out again, idly roaming around the zoo.

The zoo officials raised the height of the fence to ten feet. Again, however, the next morning the kangaroo was again roaming about the zoo. This kept on, night after night, until the fence was 20 feet high.

Finally, the camel in the next enclosure asked the kangaroo, “How high do you think they’ll go?”

The kangaroo replied, “Who knows? Maybe 50 feet. Unless somebody starts locking the gate at night.” Emoji  

 

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “It’s a tough world and these kids nearly got ‘munsoned’, but they’re back.” 

Answer:  Kingpin! Ernie McCracken (Bill Murray) said this on a public service announcement which was broadcast on TV during the bowling tournament. “Big Ern”, as he liked to be called, was a member of an organization that provided “big brothers” for young boys without fathers. McCracken vowed to sponsor a child in every city in which he bowled; that was, if the kids had young, good-looking, single mothers. The term ‘munsoned’ grew out of the main character’s name. Roy Munson (Woody Harrelson) was told by his father when he was young that someday the name ‘Munson’ would be synonymous with ‘champion’. Roy became a drunken loser, and the term ‘munson’ instead became synonymous with ‘failure’. A truly unforgettable (and hilarious) exercise in irony. “Big Ern” also had another great quote when he told a diner waitress, “Doll, do me a favor. Wash off that perfume before coming back to this table. Thanks.” Very, very funny movie.  

Tuesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Velcro. Next to the Walkman and Tab it is the coolest invention of the 20th Century!”

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

Let’s get ready for challenge.

I think you know where I am.

Because, as you know, I hold lots of knowledge.

Really, I can lend a helping hand.

Although since people most often come for

Riveting good stories and tales,

You, my friend, can find knowledge in me.

Whether it be history, science, or Braille.

I cannot be held in your hand, you see.

I’m quite a bit larger than that.

So come right in, and let’s begin.

Put on your thinking cap!  

ANSWER: A library. (Also, the first letter of the first few lines spell out “library”) 

 

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….

John, Paul, George, and Ringo all enter a race, but there is nobody at the finish line to judge the ending. When the judge finally shows up to award the prize for coming in first, these are the statements the four of them make:

John: I was neither first nor last.

Paul: I did not finish last.

George: I won the race!

Ringo: I came in last.

The judge starts to hand George the prize, when Yoko, who was watching the race, says, “Exactly one of these four is lying.”

To whom should the judge grant the prize?

 

 

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER AWARD GOES TO MR. ANDY ZARUBA! GREAT JOB ANDY!  EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji 

 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  Emoji EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com.

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