Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Friday, May 20, 2016.   

Academic Jargon……

‘CORRECT WITHIN AN ORDER OF MAGNITUDE’ …

Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

‘ACCORDING TO STATISTICAL ANALYSIS’ …

Rumour has it.

‘A STATISTICALLY-ORIENTED PROJECTION OF THE SIGNIFICANCE

OF THESE FINDINGS’ …

A really wild guess.

‘A CAREFUL ANALYSIS OF OBTAINABLE DATA’ …

Three pages of notes were obliterated when I knocked over a beer glass.

‘IT IS CLEAR THAT MUCH ADDITIONAL WORK WILL BE REQUIRED BEFORE A COMPLETE UNDERSTANDING OF THIS PHENOMENON OCCURS’ …

I don’t understand it….and I never will.

‘AFTER ADDITIONAL STUDY BY MY COLLEAGUES’ …

They don’t understand it either.

‘A HIGHLY SIGNIFICANT AREA FOR EXPLORATORY STUDY’ …

A totally useless topic selected by my committee.

‘IT IS HOPED THAT THIS STUDY WILL STIMULATE FURTHER INVESTIGATION IN THIS FIELD’ …

I am pleased to feed you this rubbish.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!     

 

DAILY QUOTES….    

The intelligent man finds almost everything ridiculous, the sensible man hardly anything.  Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

I think that God in creating Man somewhat overestimated his ability.  Oscar Wilde

‘At the age of eleven or thereabouts women acquire a poise and an ability to handle difficult situations which a man, if he is lucky, manages to achieve somewhere in the later seventies.’ PG Wodehouse

Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the victims he intends to eat until he eats them. Samuel Butler

I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. Zsa Zsa Gabor

‘The man who lets himself be bored is even more contemptible than the bore.’  Samuel Butler

A stupid man’s report of what a clever man says can never be accurate, because he unconsciously translates what he hears into something he can understand.  Bertrand Russell  

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 

A New Yorker called and asked, ‘Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to who?’

I said, ‘No, why do you ask?’ She replied, ‘Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said (FAT), and I’m overweight, I think that is very rude.

‘After putting her on hold for a minute while I ‘looked into it’ (I was actually laughing) I came back and explained the city code for Fresno, CA is (FAT), and that the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.

I thought under my breath, a good job she wasn’t going to Show Low airport in Arizona (SOW).Emoji 

 

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “He’s nothing; don’t worry about him. It’s The Blimp next to him…The Blimp! When he puts on that mask, he’ll blow your darn doors off!”  

Answer:  The Cannonball Run! Jamie Blake (Dean Martin) said this to his partner, Morris Fenderbaum (Sammy Davis, Jr.) before the start of the race when they were sizing up their competition. The Blimp was Victor Prinzim, aka Captain Chaos, (Dom Deluise) and his partner was J.J. McClure (Burt Reynolds). Victor “always wanted to be Captain USA.” 

Friday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Over? Did you say, ‘Over’? Nothing is over until we say it is. Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell, no. And it ain’t over now. ‘Cause when the going get tough, the tough get going. Who’s with me? Let’s go!”

 

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….

What does this mean?

tree ri_ge tree  

ANSWER: Partridge in a pear tree 

 

Friday’s Quizzler is……….

In the following code, each symbol stands for one of five letters.

+ stands for I, J, G, A, or M

* stands for N, B, P, Q, or W

= stands for R, U, C, X, or T

& stands for H, E, K, Z, or Y

? stands for O, L, F, H, or V

The five letter code word, *?+=&, can be translated into two English words that are opposites. What are the two words?

 
 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  Emoji EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com.

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