WELCOME to Tuesday, May 17, 2016.
Here’s the story…….
Eddie and his wife June are shopping in their local supermarket. The husband picks up a case of Heineken and puts it in their cart.
‘What do you think you’re doing?’ asks June.
‘They’re on sale, only $15 for 24 cans Eddie replies.
‘Put them back, we can’t afford them’ demands the wife, and so they carry
‘What do you think you’re doing?’ asks Eddie.
‘It’s my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,’ replies the wife.
Her husband retorts: ‘So does 24 cans of Heineken and it’s half the price.’
Eddie never knew what hit him.
The next thing he heard on the supermarket PA system was: ‘Cleanup on aisle 19, we have a husband down.’
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
“Employees at a Domino’s Pizza saved a customer’s life by checking on him after they didn’t hear from him, because he’s ordered a pizza every day for 10 years. No word on what was wrong with him, but I’m guessing it had something to do with ordering a pizza every day for 10 years.” -Jimmy Fallon
“A federal judge ruled yesterday that California’s version of the death penalty is unconstitutional. Apparently the difference is California’s version has avocado on it.” -Seth Meyers
“Budweiser announced that this summer they will rename their beer ‘America.’ So starting in June, you’re not an alcoholic – you’re a patriot.” -Conan O’Brien
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
Curious when I found two black-and-white negatives in a drawer, I had them made into prints. I was pleasantly surprised to see that they were of a younger, slimmer me, taken on one of my first dates with my husband.
When I showed him the photos, his face lit up. “Wow, look at that!” he said. “It’s my old Plymouth!”
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “Instead of a guard dog, they’ve got this bloody great big Bengal tiger. I managed to take out the tiger with a can of mace. But the shopkeeper and his son, that’s a different story altogether; I had to beat them to death with their own shoes.”
Answer: Wayne’s World 2! Del Preston (Ralph Brown) told this story to the other roadies while training them for Waynestock. It was his favorite memory of being on tour as a roadie (and probably his only memory). It happened “in Sri Lanka (formerly Ceylon) at about 3:00 in the morning”, with the help of Keith Moon and David Crosby, while they were “looking for 1,000 brown M&M’s to fill a brandy glass, or Ozzy wouldn’t go on stage that night”. Preston actually told this story (or bits and pieces of it) several times during the movie.
Tuesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Last night, Darth Vader came down from the planet Vulcan, and told me that if I didn’t take Lorraine out that he’d melt my brain.”
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
I live above a star, and yet I never burn,
I have eleven neighbors, and yet none of them turn,
I am visited in sequence, first, last or in between,
PRS (& sometimes Q) are my initials,
Now, tell me what I mean.
ANSWER: The ”7” on the telephone keypad
(new ones have the letter Q with the PRS)
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
The following are colloquialisms/idioms written in their literal form. Try to find all four.
Example: A Panthera Pardus is incapable of altering its texture. (A leopard can’t change its spots)
1. Revert to the first quadrilateral of equal sides and angles.
2. One suffering from Macular Degeneration guiding one with less than 1/10 of normal vision.
3. Restrain your multiple Equus caballus.
4. The writing utensil containing small amounts of ink is more puissant than the iron hand-held weapon.
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/