Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Friday, May 13, 2016.   

Hilarious Sayings……

On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the Escape key.

I don’t have a solution, but I certainly admire the problem.  – Ashleigh Brilliant

Love is like the measles; we all have to go through it.  – Jerome K. Jerome

Pay no attention to what the critics say; no statue has ever been erected to a critic. – Jean Sibelius

Everyone has a photographic memory.  Some just don’t have film.

Is life worth living?  It all depends on the liver. – William James

If you dig a hole for someone else, you’ll fall into it. – Hungarian proverb 

Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.

There are only two kinds of people who are really fascinating: people who know absolutely everything, and people who know absolutely nothing.

Life is far too important to be taken seriously.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!     

 

DAILY QUOTES….    

I liked your opera.  Perhaps I will set it to music.  Mozart

I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.  Groucho Marx

A pat on the back is only a few centimetres from a kick in the butt.

Tell me what you need, and I’ll tell you how to get along without it.

Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination. Oscar Wilde

Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue.

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. 

Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

Politeness, n. The most acceptable hypocrisy.  Ambrose Bierce   

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 

A ventriloquist is telling Irish jokes in Davy Byrne’s pub in Grafton Street, Dublin, when, O’Leary, an irate Irishman stands up shouting, ‘You’re making out we’re all dumb and stupid. I oughtta punch you in the nose.’

‘I’m sorry sir, I………..’

‘Not you,’ says O’Leary, ‘I’m talking to that little fella on your knee.’Emoji  

 

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “Try an association, such as: Let’s say the average person uses ten percent of his brain. How much do YOU use…one and a half percent. The rest is filled with malted hops and bong resin.”  

Answer: Demolition Man! The evil Simon Phoenix (Wesley Snipes) says this when he sees all the mass murderers and serial killers who were cryogenically frozen. He wanted to thaw out all the greatest villians in world history to help him take over the planet. Billed as a sci-fi, action flick, “Demolition Man” is hilarious from start to finish. Sly Stallone and Sandra Bullock are great together.  

Friday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Try an association, such as: Let’s say the average person uses ten percent of his brain. How much do YOU use…one and a half percent. The rest is filled with malted hops and bong resin.” 

 

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….

Inspector Ixolite of the Yard was investigating a murder at Nottonmye Manor.

It was a difficult case, and Ixolite was completely stumped until he noticed a message sent to him by the killer cunningly hidden in a newspaper advertisement selling Car Licence Plates.

Inspector Ixolite thought about it for a while, and when he had solved the puzzle, immediately arrested the guilty man.

Q1) How did Ixolite know the advert was a clue for him?

Q2) Solve the code and tell me who Ixolite arrested.

This is the newspaper advert (Car licence plates for sale) that Inspector Ixolite saw.

Plates For Sale;

[W 05 NWO] 

[H 13 HSR ] 

[O 05 EBM] 

[D 08 UNE] 

[U 10 HTY] 

[N 04 BRE] 

[N 16 TTE] 

[I 26 LHC ] 

[T 10 AEE] 

[I 26 CNA] 

[X 22 VDA] 

ANSWER: 1)The first bit is easy, as the first letter of each plate spells WHODUNNIT IX

(A challenge to our Inspector.)

2)The second bit is a little trickier, but I gave you the solution.

If you read the last three letters in each plate from the bottom up and right to left you get

ADVANCE EACH LETTER BY THE NUMBER SHOWN, so advance W by 5 to get B, 

H by 13 to get U and so on until you spell BUTLER DID IT. 

 

Friday’s Quizzler is……….

A spoonerism is a pair of words that can have their initial sounds switched to form new words. The pairs need only sound the same, not necessarily be spelled the same (power saw & sour paw, horse cart & coarse heart). There may sometimes be one or two connecting words (kick the stone & stick the cone, king of the rats & ring of the cats). Given the following definitions, what are the spoonerisms?

1) spoiled Neanderthal child & courageous cougar

2) child of a sorceress & liquid in a trench

3) milk and cheese & fops who are imaginary beings with magical powers

4) fondle feathers & Amsterdam

 
 
 
 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  Emoji EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com.

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