WELCOME to Tuesday, May 10, 2016.
Paraprosdokians are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or
phrase is surprising or unexpected, frequently humorous.
1. Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on my list.
3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right–only who is left.
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
9. I didn’t say it was your fault; I said I was blaming you.
10. In filling out an application, where it says, ‘In case of emergency, Notify:’ I put ‘DOCTOR.’
11. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head
and a beer gut and still think they are sexy.
12. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
13. I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not so sure.
14. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
15. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
16. You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
17. I’m supposed to respect my elders, but it’s getting harder and harder for me to find one now.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do,
don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
“A couple in Michigan is being sued for $2 million after they burned down their apartment complex while trying to cook a squirrel with a blowtorch. I’m not an accountant, but it SOUNDS like they might not have $2 million.” -Seth Meyers
“Kate Middleton revealed yesterday that her children have a pet hamster named Marvin. Well, technically, its full name is Marvin, Duke of the Running Wheel.” -Jimmy Fallon
“Today is National Teacher Appreciation Day. It’s a special day when we Americans show our gratitude to teachers in any form but money.” -Conan O’Brien
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
At the company water cooler, I bragged about my children’s world travels: one son was teaching in Bolivia, another was working in southern Italy, and my daughter was completing a year-long research project in India.
One co-worker’s quip, however, stopped me short. “What is it about you,” he asked, “that makes your kids want to get so far away from you?”
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “Mama says alligators are ornery because they got all them teeth and no toothbrush.”
Answer: The Waterboy! Bobby Boucher (Adam Sandler) stood up in class and said this to his college professor after he asked the class why alligators are so mean. The professor (aka Colonel Sanders) said that his Mama was wrong; this resulted in the professor being bandaged and splinted after Bobby gave him a flying tackle. Bobby realized later that Mama was wrong, and that it was the workings of the alligator’s “MEDULLA OBLONGATA” that made him so ornery. What a movie!
Tuesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “I know; we could have the police send over one of their sketch artists, and Ms. Balbricker could give a description.”
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
A spoonerism is a pair of words that can have their initial sounds switched to form new words. The pairs need only sound the same, not necessarily be spelled the same (power saw & sour paw, horse cart & coarse heart). There may sometimes be one or two connecting words (kick the stone & stick the cone, king of the rats & ring of the cats). Given the following definitions, what are the spoonerisms?
1) no-cost fish lures & honey shipment
2) leaping legumes & colliding dungarees
3) crustacean movement & criminal sunscreen
4) baseball term & seasonal pig
ANSWER: 1) free bait & bee freight
2) jumping beans & bumping jeans
3) lobster motion & mobster lotion
4) ball four & fall boar
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
What drink does this represent?
180 degree arc
360 degree arc
180 degree arc
180 degree arc
360 degree arc
90 degree lines
THE QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! GREAT WORK BANKS!
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/