Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

humans-not-land-feet

WELCOME to Friday, May 6, 2016.  

Witticisms…….

Once you’ve seen one shopping center, you’ve seen a mall.

Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.

A man’s home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

Dijon vu – the same mustard as before.

Shotgun wedding – a case of wife or death.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

You feel stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.

When two egotists meet, it’s an I for an I.

What’s the definition of a will? (It’s a dead give-away.)

In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.

The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

Acupuncture is a jab well done.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Mothers Day weekend people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!     

 

DAILY QUOTES….    

In Ireland the inevitable never happens and the unexpected constantly occurs. John Pentland Mahaffy

Work is the curse of the drinking classes.  Oscar Wilde

A man travels the world in search of what he needs and returns home to find it.  George Moore

Alcohol is a very necessary article.  It enables Parliament to do things at eleven at night 

that no sane person would do at eleven in the morning.  George Bernard Shaw

These things I warmly wish for you: Someone to love, some work to do, A bit o’ sun, a bit o’ cheer, And a guardian angel always near.  Irish Blessing  

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 

 A Waterford wife, Pauline, was keeping a close eye on her new neighbors.

‘They seem perfectly devoted to each other,’ she opined to husband, Ryan. ‘He kisses her every time he goes out and even blows kisses to her from the window. Why don’t you do that?’

‘But, I hardly know the woman,’ was Ryan’s reply. Emoji 

 

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “Hats for bats. Keep bats warm. Gracias.” 

Answer: Major League! Pedro Cerrano (Dennis Haysbert) said after grabbing a furry golf club cover from the golfbag of third baseman, Roger Dorn (Corbin Bernsen). Cerrano placed the cover on his bat and wandered off. Dorn thought it best not to start anything with the very large Mr. Cerrano, and he let him take the cover. “Major League” is one of the classic comedies of all time.  

Friday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???   “And that’s the only thing I need is this! I don’t need this or this, just this ashtray. And this paddle game; the ashtray and the paddle game, and that’s all I need…and this remote control. The ashtray and the paddle game and the remote control, and that’s all I need…and these matches. The ashtray and these matches and the remote control and the paddle ball…and this lamp.” 

 

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….

Emperor Akbar once ruled over India. He was a wise and intelligent ruler, and he had in his court the Nine Gems, his nine advisors, who were each known for a particular skill. One of these Gems was Birbal, known for his wit and wisdom. The story below is one of the examples of his wit. Do you have it in you to find out the answer?

There was once a blacksmith who used to make spears and shields. He came to Emperor Akbar’s court and claimed – “Your Majesty, nobody can make shields and spears like mine. My shields are so strong that nothing can pierce them and my spears are so sharp that there is nothing they cannot pierce.”

On hearing this statement, Birbal immediately said, “You lie and I can prove that you are lying.” What did he find wrong with the man’s statement?  

ANSWER: Birbal told the man – “I can prove you wrong. Let’s do a simple test.”  The man, supremely confident, agreed. Birbal said smilingly – “OK, hold up one of your shields and I will pierce it with one of your spears.” 

The man realized he had been outwitted because both his statements could never be true at the same time. Only one of his statements would hold true under any situation. Shamed to silence, he quietly left the court. 

 

Friday’s Quizzler is……….

The following are colloquialisms/idioms written in their literal form. Try to find all four.

Example: A Panthera Pardus is incapable of altering its texture. (A leopard can’t change its spots)

1. A colorless crystalline carbon existing within an uncouth environment.

2. Descending in the manner of the order of Diptera.

3. A late pop singer has departed from the premises. 

4. To be delivered by metallic object that brings forth a great ringing noise.

  

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  Emoji EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com.

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