Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Monday, May 2, 2016.   

Ponderings for Monday……….  

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? 

When someone asks you, “A penny for your thoughts,” and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny? 

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It’s just stale bread to begin with. 

When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say? 

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car is not called a racist? 

Why are wise man and a wise guy opposites? 

Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things? 

If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible? 

“I am” is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that “I do” is the longest sentence?

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn’t it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, and drycleaners depressed? 

Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as “4’s”? 

Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars in the universe you will believe them, but if they tell you a wall has wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure? 

If people from Poland are called “Poles,” why aren’t people from Holland called “Holes?” 

Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts. 

If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation? 

Just think how much deeper the ocean would be if sponges didn’t live there. 

If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose? 

Why isn’t 11 pronounced onety one?

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!     

 

DAILY QUOTES….    

“There is a new trend in U.K. corporate policy where employees are being given paid time off so that they can acclimate a new pet to their home. They’re calling it ‘pawternity’ leave. Paid time off for pets should not be a thing. Here is how that discussion should go: ‘Excuse me, boss, I want to get a new dog, but I need a week off to bond with the animal.’ And your boss goes, ‘Oh, OK, cool. You’re fired.'” -James Corden

“A new Swiss airplane called Solar Impulse 2 crossed the Pacific Ocean this weekend using only solar energy. Said the pilot right before takeoff, ‘Wait, Solar Impulse 2?'” -Seth Meyers

“A teacher in Arkansas is in trouble for giving alcohol to underage students. But to be fair, just because you’re in fifth grade in Arkansas, it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re under 21.” -Conan O’Brien 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 

A supposedly true story out of San Francisco (but who knows): 

A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch & wrote “this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag.” While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller’s window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo.

After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn’t the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. 

Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, “OK” and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.Emoji 

 

 

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘I lost my gun today when I left you and I’m the laughingstock of a lot of people. I wanted to tell you. I wanted you to know and it’s on my mind. And it makes me look like a fool. And I feel like a fool. And you asked that we should say things — that we should say what we’re thinking and not lie about things. Well, I can tell you that, this, that I lost my gun today — and I am not a good cop. And I’m looked down at. And I know that. And I’m scared that once you find that out you may not like me.’ 

Answer: Magnolia! Jim (John C. Reilly) reveals to Claudia (Melora Walters) the secret he’s ashamed of. She in turn thanks him for sharing himself. This follows their mutual resolve to tell one another everything that other people are afraid to share. 

 

Monday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???  ‘Me? I’m scared of everything! I’m scared of what I saw, I’m scared of what I did, of who I am, and most of all I’m scared of walking out of this room and never feeling the rest of my whole life the way I feel when I’m with you!’

 

 

Friday’s Quizzler is……….

Can you figure out the well-known expression which is represented below?

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ANSWER:  Safety in numbers

 

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

Find out what the animals are! (for example, “To run away or escape” could be a “flea”)

1. hair-control foam

2. very exposed

3. tellin’ falsities

4. a lamenting cry

5. a dull person

6. a precious or loved one

7. first you get a parking ticket, then you get this

8. these make up a chain

 

 

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. KIM HILLYARD! NICE SOLVING JOB KIM! 

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LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUEDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  Emoji EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com.

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