Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Monday, April 18, 2016.     

Insights………….. 

The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.

I have yet to find anybody who can give me a clear & compelling reason why we put the clocks forward every spring.

There is a very fine line between ‘hobby’ and ‘mental illness.’

There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal 

about your birthday. That time is age 11.

If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be ‘meetings.’

You should not confuse your career with your life 

(i.e., never confuse having a career with having a life!).

A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.

You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests you think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her.

When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command.  Very often, that individual is crazy.  (Your friends love you, anyway!)

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!     

 

DAILY QUOTES….    

“According to a recent survey, 12 percent of Americans say that it’s fine to cheat a little on your taxes. While the other 88 percent know not to talk to a guy with a clipboard asking them if they cheat on their taxes.” -Jimmy Fallon

“The IRS has introduced new technology allowing you to pay your taxes at a 7-Eleven. So just imagine: You can now declare your earnings from 2015 while eating a hot dog from 2005.” -Conan O’Brien

“The only fun thing about filing your tax return is getting a refund. About 80 percent of taxpayers get money back, which is a weird thing to be happy about. That means you’ve been overpaying all year long. It’s like if someone broke into your house and the police recovered the stuff and brought it back and you said, ‘Oh, presents.'” -Jimmy Kimmel

 

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 

As one of relatively few female airline pilots, I’ve often been mistaken for a flight attendant, ticket agent or even a snack-bar employee. Occasionally people will see me in uniform and ask if I’m a “real” pilot. Still others congratulate me for making it in a male-dominated field. 

One day, I was in the restroom before a flight. I was at the sink, brushing my teeth, when a woman walked through the door and looked over at me. “My sister would be so proud of you!” she remarked. I figured her sister must be in the airline business, so I smiled and asked why. 

Replied the woman, “She’s a dentist.”Emoji 

 

 

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘When you love someone, you’ve gotta trust them. There’s no other way. You’ve got to give them the key to everything that’s yours. Otherwise, what’s the point? And, for a while, I believed that’s the kind of love I had.’ 

Answer: Casino! Ace (Robert De Niro) explains his relationship with Ginger (Sharon Stone). Stone won a Golden Globe and was Oscar-nominated for this role. 

 

Monday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘Love gives you wings. It makes you fly. I don’t even call it love. I call it Geronimo. When you’re in love, you’ll jump right from the top of the Empire State and you won’t care, screaming “Geronimo” the whole way down. I love her so bad, I just… whoa, she wrecks me. I’d die for her.’

 

 

Friday’s Quizzler is……….

Sam the journalist has landed a job somewhere. The problem is, he doesn’t know where. All he knows is that it is in one of 6 cities lined up in a row in northern Canada: Eh Land, Hockeyville, Curling Town, Snowburg, New France, and Canada City. However his employer has left clues.

1. Curling Town is 2 cities away from the job’s location.

2. Hockeyville is 3 cities away from Snowburg.

3. Snowburg is on the right end.

4. New France is not the location.

5. Eh Land is 3 cities from Curling Town.

6. Canada City is 4 cities away from Snowburg.

7. Eh Land is next to the location and another place that isn’t the location.

Sam is lazy, so he is paying you to find out where he is working. 

ANSWER: Order: Curling Town, Canada City, Hockeyville, Eh Land, New France, Snowburg.

Location: Hockeyville  (Sorry though, no money) 

 

 

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

Without changing the order of the letters, place the four letter words on the dashes to form eight letter words. All the words will not be used.

Veto, Lent, Rake, Hilt, Clam, Abut, Tile

1. __ um__ __ i __ y

2. Pro __ __ __ i __

3. __ err __ b __ __

4. __ __ xa __ i __ n

5. Ove __ t __ __ __

 

 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  Emoji EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com.

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