Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Monday, April 11, 2016.   

Differences between men and women………..

1. NAMES 

If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara. 

If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy. 

2. EATING OUT 

When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in a $20, even though it’s only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. When the women get their bill, out come the pocket calculators. 

3. MONEY 

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. 

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need, but it’s on sale. 

4. BATHROOMS 

A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott. 

The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items. 

5. ARGUMENTS 

A woman has the last word in any argument. 

ANYTHING and I mean ANYTHING a man says after that… is the beginning of a new argument. 

6.CATS 

Women love cats. 

Men say they love cats, but when women aren’t looking, men kick cats. Emoji

7. DRESSING UP 

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. 

A man will dress up for weddings and funerals. 

8. FUTURE 

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. 

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. 

9. SUCCESS 

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. 

A successful woman is one who can find such a man. 

10. MARRIAGE 

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t. 

A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, and she does. 

 

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a GREAT Monday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!     

 

DAILY QUOTES….    

“Spanish Prime Minister Mariano Rajoy wants to reduce Spain’s three-hour siesta to one hour. They’re just going to have a lunch break like everybody else. Instead of going home for their nap, they’d sleep at their desk like the rest of us.” -Stephen Colbert

“A California woman has turned her home into a sanctuary for 1,000 cats. She’s applied for both tax and man exempt status.” -Conan O’Brien

“Disneyland Paris is temporarily shutting down its haunted house after an employee was found dead inside the attraction. But those last few customers really got their money’s worth.” -Seth Meyers 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 

Mothers come in all shapes and sizes. For example, an Italian Mother might chastise her offspring for not eating by saying, “Eat your dinner, or I’ll kill you.” 

A Jewish Mother on the other hand would say, “Eat your dinner, or I’ll kill myself.”  Really……..  

 

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘Women. Nice ones, the most frigid of the race, it doesn’t matter in the end. Inside they’re all the same meat and gristle and hatred just simmering.’ 

Answer: In the Company of Men! Aaron Eckart’s character said this line in Neil LaBute’s delectably misogynistic film. He and a coworker decide to each seduce a deaf woman working at their office, just for the sport of it. Another quote that pretty much sums up the attitude of the character is ‘Never trust anything that can bleed for a week and not die.’ 

Monday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? Donnie Smith: ‘I’m sick and I’m in love.’

Thurston Howell: ‘You seem the sort of person who confuses the two.’

Donnie Smith: ‘That’s right. That’s the first time you’ve been right. I confuse the two and I don’t care.’

 

Friday’s Quizzler is……….

Art is to be appreciated from afar, rarely touched, and certainly never altered from the artist’s original vision. One would never pencil in eyebrows on the Mona Lisa or dare to bolt mannequin arms to the Venus de Milo.

Yet, despite all this, there is a well-known piece of art that has been blatantly defaced. What is even stranger is that the offending defacer, though he meant to do his nasty work, did not WANT to. His identity was known, yet he was never arrested and never punished. Quite the opposite, his defacement was encouraged by the highest of powers in his day.

What is the piece of art?  

ANSWER: The work in question is Michelangelo’s “Last Judgment” in the Sistine Chapel. The fresco depicts the Earth, Heaven, and Hell. The figures are of various saints, all bearing the instruments of their deaths.

These figures, each and every one, is entirely nude. Or at least they WERE. Michelangelo originally painted every figure completely naked, saying that in the end times the fresco represents, there would be no secrets, nothing would be unknown.

These nude figures caused quite a stir even before the final masterpiece was revealed. Many called it shocking and obscene, but it wasn’t until 23 years later that anything was done. Pope Pius IV brought in Daniele da Volterra, one of Michelangelo’s students, against his will to cover up the objectionable parts with painted cloths.

Some of the cloths have since been professionally removed, but the debate over the decency of the painting continues to this day. 

 

 

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

There are seven parts to this riddle,

Each is part of a greater whole.

You see most of these,

Everyday as you please:

First is what I did to a book yesterday,

Second mixes with apples.

Third is a shout, then “ouch” you say,

Fourth shares the sound of mean.

Fifth is what the wind had done,

The sixth is often skipped.

The last and final can be called by two names,

If roses are this, then which is the blue one?

 

 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  Emoji

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com.

 

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