WELCOME to Friday, April 29, 2016.
Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
Why isn’t phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
You know how most packages say “Open here”. What is the protocol if the package says, “Open somewhere else”?
Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can’t they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
Why is it that when you transport something by car, it’s called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it’s called cargo?
How did a fool and his money get together?
Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?
Why is it that when you’re driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?
If it’s tourist season, why can’t we shoot them?
Why is abbreviation such a long word?
What do they use to ship styrofoam?
Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read. – Groucho Marx
Coffee isn’t my cup of tea. – Samuel Goldwyn
I’m an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house. – Zsa Zsa Gabor
I’m always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can’t understand is, if they don’t know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is? – Paul Merton
At my age I do what Mark Twain did. I get my daily paper, look at the obituaries page and if I’m not there I carry on as usual. – Patrick Moore
Operator! Give me the number for 911. – Homer Simpson
I have met a lot of hardboiled eggs in my time, but you’re twenty minutes. – Oscar Wilde
Rarely is the question asked: is our children learning? – George W Bush
I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said ‘Are you going to help?’ I said, ‘No, Six should be enough.’ – Les Dawson
My formula for success is rise early, work late, and strike oil. – Paul Getty
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, there were two evil friars living outside this small village. The friars had tried unsuccessfully to overtake and capture the town, but finally this time, they believed they had hit upon a foolproof scheme that would allow them to rule the village. They had, through mad scientist experiments in their floral shop, come up with a plant that would devour the townspeople one by one until none were left. They set forth to put their plan into action by planting the man-eating plants so they encircled the village.
As the plants rapidly grew, they began devouring everything living in their path. The townspeople grew frightened; who or what would save them from their eminent doom? Finally, the town’s elder remember Hugh, a woodcutter who lived on the outskirts of town. Frantically, the townspeople penned a desperate plea for help, tied it to the leg of a pigeon, and directed the bird toward Hugh’s cabin.
Meanwhile, outside of town, Hugh had received the note from the townspeople, and realizing they were in grave danger, set forth to do what he needed to do. He honed his mightiest axe to razor-sharpness, grabbed his hat, and off he went.
Chopping his way through the dense vines, he single-handedly destroyed the carnivorous plants one by one, until all were destroyed. Then he set out to rid the village of the evil friars, chasing them out of town. The town was saved!!! The people rejoiced and knighted Hugh for his brave and timely efforts to save the village!!!
And the moral of the story is: Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘Fear. And therein lies the problem. None of you has anything left to fear anymore. You rest comfortably in seats of inscrutable power, hiding behind your false idol, far from judgment, lives shrouded in secrecy even from one another. But not from God.’
Answer: Dogma! Bartleby (Ben Affleck) details the problem with humanity in modern times.
Friday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘I lost my gun today when I left you and I’m the laughingstock of a lot of people. I wanted to tell you. I wanted you to know and it’s on my mind. And it makes me look like a fool. And I feel like a fool. And you asked that we should say things — that we should say what we’re thinking and not lie about things. Well, I can tell you that, this, that I lost my gun today — and I am not a good cop. And I’m looked down at. And I know that. And I’m scared that once you find that out you may not like me.’
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
Fred and his wife, Nikita, were having a conversation about words while on a road trip.
Fred said, “I am thinking of a devilishly tricky word that has five consonants in a row.”
Nikita countered with, “That’s a good one, but people are lining up to find a word with five vowels in a row.”
What words were Fred and Nikita thinking of?
ANSWER: Fred was thinking of witchcraft and Nikita was thinking of queueing. While having a good chuckle over their cleverness, Nikita missed the turn off for Wheeling and they wasted an hour getting back on the right road.
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
Can you figure out the well-known expression which is represented below?
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/