Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Thursday, March 31, 2016.   

People Say the Strangest Things:

These phrases were culled from the small ad columns of local newspapers in the UK and the USA.  Hidden message, when you think You’ve finished with your paper, check the small ads……

Semi-annual after-Christmas sale. 

We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $10.00.

Auto repair service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you’ll never go anywhere again.

Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else.

Tattoos done while you wait.

Buy your new bedroom suite from us, and we will stand behind it for six months.

Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.

For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.

Wanted: Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.

Wanted: Mother’s helper – peasant working conditions.Is there chicken in your vegetarian gumbo?

Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.

Amana washer $100. Owned by clean bachelor who seldom washed.

No matter what your topcoat is made of, this miracle spray will make it really repellent.

Is there chicken in your vegetarian gumbo?

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Thursday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget 

to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!     

 

DAILY QUOTES….    

“A new study suggests that marriage is more beneficial for men than women. The results of the study were shouted at me through a locked bedroom door.” -Seth Meyers 

“Scientists believe the first modern Europeans mated with Neanderthals. This is the oldest evidence yet of beer goggles.” -Conan O’Brien

“For the first time ever, scientists have created artificial life. The hope is that it can revolutionize healthcare, generate clean energy, become super-intelligent, take over the world, make us all its slaves, etc.” -Jimmy Kimmel  

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 

 A priest had the weight of the world on his shoulders and was showing the effects. The church sent him to a psychiatrist, who ordered him to take a week off. So the priest left his religious paraphernalia behind him and went to a neighboring city. He got himself a nice room and went to the hotel bar to relax with a couple stiff drinks. 

A waitress in a short skirt and low-cut uniform came over and asked, “What’ll it be, Father?”

The priest felt to see if he was still wearing his collar by mistake, but he had none on.

“How did you know I’m a priest?” he asked.

The waitress said, “I’m Sister Mary Margaret. We go to the same psychiatrist!”Emoji

 

 

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘She’ll only break your heart, it’s a fact. And even though I warn you, even though I guarantee you that the girl will only hurt you terribly, you’ll still pursue her. Ain’t love grand?’  

Answer: Great Expectations! Anne Bancroft’s Ms. Dinsmoor warns Finn (Ethan Hawke) of the heartbreak to come. But how could he resist Gwenyth Paltrow’s Estella? 

Thursday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘I’m, like, 98% excited, and maybe 2% scared. Or maybe it’s backwards. Maybe I’m 98% scared, and, like, 2% excited. But that’s what makes it so great – I’m so confused!’

 

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….

A spoonerism is a pair of words that can have their initial sounds switched to form new words. The pairs need only sound the same, not necessarily be spelled the same (power saw & sour paw, horse cart & coarse heart). There may sometimes be one or two connecting words (kick the stone & stick the cone, king of the rats & ring of the cats). Given the following definitions, what are the spoonerisms?

1) canine fur & porcine challenge

2) rock toss & to pack up royal furniture

3) arsonist’s desire & to battle a fibber

4) underground amphibian & bar rules

ANSWER: 1) dog hair & hog dare  2) throw a stone & stow a throne  3) light a fire & fight a liar  4) cavern toad & tavern code 

 

 

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….

Seven letters are we,

Four different words we make.

Guess us or be ridiculed;

Your reputation’s at stake. 

The first has pictures,

Paintings and such.

The second causes sneezing,

From ragweed or dust.

The third is an adverb, 

It’s hard to explain

It’s the same as immensely

But it’s much more plain.

If you can act like a king,

this word you will sing. 

These clues are sparse

This riddle may be tough.

But if you are smart

Then it will be enough.

 
  

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  Emoji

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com.

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