WELCOME to Thursday, March 24, 2016.
Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.
We’ll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.
The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
A bicycle can’t stand alone, it is two tired.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
A backward poet writes inverse.
In a democracy it’s your vote that counts; in feudalism, it’s your Count that votes.
The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
If you don’t pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I’ll show you A-flat miner.
When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.
You are stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.
Local Area Network in Australia : The LAN down under.
He broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thurday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget
to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
“Starbucks announced today that they are introducing a new Caramelized Honey Frappuccino to their menu. And then your dentist announced he’s buying a new boat.” -Seth Meyers
“Yesterday, President Obama arrived in Cuba, a formerly hostile territory. Tomorrow, he returns to Washington, a currently hostile territory.” -Conan O’Brien
“According to a new study, the larger the age difference between married couples, the more likely they are to get a divorce. Or as gold-diggers call that, ‘the point.'” -Jimmy Fallon
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
This guy comes home from work one day to find his dog with the neighbor’s pet rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit is very dead and the guy panics. He thinks the neighbors are going to hate him forever, so he takes the dirty, chewed-up rabbit into the house, gives it a bath, blow-dries its fur, and puts the rabbit back into the cage on the neighbor’s back porch, hoping that they will think it died of natural causes.
A few days later, the neighbor is outside and asks the guy, “Did you hear that Fluffy died?”
The guy stumbles around and says, “No.. umm.. no.. I didn’t. what happened?”
The neighbor replies, “We just found him dead in his cage one day, but the weird thing is that the day after the kids buried him in the backyard we went outside and someone had dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage. There are some real sick people out there!”
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘I’m a god. I’m not ‘the’ God. I’m ‘a’ god.’
Answer: Groundhog Day is a 1993 film about a weather man doomed to repeat the same day over and over again.
Thursday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘Multiply your anger by about a hundred, Kate, that’s how much he thinks he loves you.’
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
If you like solving puzzles, periodically,
Then this may suit your particular body chemistry.
One is partly controversial but makes hard teeth with just a trace,
Two is notoriously poisonous and sometimes seen with old lace.
Three made the Hindenburg rise and fall disastrously from the sky,
Four is most essential, without Thyroxin you would surely die.
Five is up in the air and to life it is very dear.
Six is like your favourite pub, a lot to do with atmosphere.
Put us all together and we wield economic power,
A magazine? ; a dress ? ; a trend? ; I change by the hour.
What am I?
ANSWER: One : Fluorine in Fluoride prevents tooth decay.(F)
Two: Arsenic is poisonous (1944 Cary Grant movie “Arsenic and Old Lace” (As)
Three: Airship Hindenburg was filled with Hydrogen (H).
Four: Iodine is required by the thyroid gland for production of thyroxin. (I)
Five: oxygen required by most living organisms (O).
Six: Nitrogen makes up 80% of our atmosphere. (N)
F As H I O N
Fashion dictates spending patterns.
A Fashion Magazine.
A Fashion(able) dress.
Fashion is a trend.
I am “FASHION”.
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
Inside each set of the following words, there are a pair of smaller words. By putting & between them, lo & behold, you’ll make a familiar phrase. For example, “Thighbone/Swallowtail” conceals “High & Low.”
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! NICE WORK BANKS!
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/