WELCOME to Thursday, March 10, 2016.
BACHELOR: A nice guy who has cheated some nice girl out of her alimony.
BRIDE: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
COMPROMISE: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way.
DIPLOMAT: A man who can convince his wife she would look fat in a fur coat.
GENTLEMAN: A husband who steadies the stepladder so that his wife will not fall while she paints the ceiling.
HOUSEWORK: What the wife does that nobody notices until she doesn’t do it.
HUSBAND: A man who gives up privileges he never realized he had.
JOINT CHECKING ACCOUNT: A handy little device which permits the wife to beat the husband to the draw.
LOVE: An obsessive delusion that is cured by marriage.
MOTHER-IN-LAW: A woman who destroys her son-in-law’s peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
MRS.: A job title involving heavy duties, light earnings, and no recognition.
SPOUSE: Someone who will stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn’t have had if you’d stayed single in the first place.
WIFE: A mate who is forever complaining about not having anything to wear at the very same time that she complains about not having enough room in the closet.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
“The NYPD has announced they will no longer arrest people for petty crimes like littering, public drinking, and urination. Which means one thing — Times Square is back, baby!” -Stephen Colbert
“A recent study suggests that it is harder to concentrate in the winter. Said researchers, ‘For example, this study was supposed to be about traffic accidents.'” -Seth Meyers
“Colin Powell said recently that the Republican candidates are playing ‘junior high school tricks on one another.’ Powell then excused himself to take a call from someone looking for Dick Hertz.” -Conan O’Brien
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
Caller: ‘Hi, can you connect me with Jack?’
Operator: ‘I’m sorry, sir, I don’t understand who you are talking about.’
Caller: ‘On page 1, section 5, of your user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?’
Operator: ‘I think it means the telephone plug on the wall.
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘Or in your case, a whole loaf of toast.’
Answer: Spaced Invaders! One of the aliens threatening to turn one of the mothers into toast. The mother thought they were kids in Halloween costumes.
Thursday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? (whispers to self) ‘Come and get me. Come and get me.’
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
Art is to be appreciated from afar, rarely touched, and certainly never altered from the artist’s original vision. One would never pencil in eyebrows on the Mona Lisa or dare to bolt mannequin arms to the Venus de Milo.
ANSWER: The work in question is Michelangelo’s “Last Judgment” in the Sistine Chapel. The fresco depicts the Earth, Heaven, and Hell. The figures are of various saints, all bearing the instruments of their deaths.
These figures, each and every one, is entirely nude. Or at least they WERE. Michelangelo originally painted every figure completely naked, saying that in the end times the fresco represents, there would be no secrets, nothing would be unknown.
These nude figures caused quite a stir even before the final masterpiece was revealed. Many called it shocking and obscene, but it wasn’t until 23 years later that anything was done. Pope Pius IV brought in Daniele da Volterra, one of Michelangelo’s students, against his will to cover up the objectionable parts with painted cloths.
Some of the cloths have since been professionally removed, but the debate over the decency of the painting continues to this day.
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
There are seven parts to this riddle,
Each is part of a greater whole.
You see most of these,
Everyday as you please:
First is what I did to a book yesterday,
Second mixes with apples.
Third is a shout, then “ouch” you say,
Fourth shares the sound of mean.
Fifth is what the wind had done,
The sixth is often skipped.
The last and final can be called by two names,
If roses are this, then which is the blue one?
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/