WELCOME to Wednesday, March 9, 2016.
1. What flies through the jungle singing opera?
The parrots of Penzance.
2. ‘Did you hear about the dog who went to a flea circus?’
‘No, what happened?’
‘He stole the show.’
3. A cannibal caught a missionary in the jungle. He said to him, ‘What’s the best way to eat you? Boiled or roasted?’
The missionary said, ‘To tell you the truth, I’m a friar.’
4. How did Quasimodo know the end was near? He had a hunch.
5. My brother came running in and said, ‘Mum, there’s a man outside with a broken arm called Brian.’
My mum said, ‘That’s a funny name for a broken arm.’
6. My mum was in hospital, and the doctor said, ‘Listen, I want you to drink a Guinness after your bath every day.’
My mum said, ‘If I drink my bath I won’t have room for a Guinness.’
7. My brother said, ‘I want a job as a human cannonball.’ I said, ‘I’ll bet you get fired.’
8. What did they call prehistoric sailing disasters? Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
9. Give me a sentence with the word “analyze” in it. My sister Anna lies in bed until nine o’clock.
10. What did they award the man that invented the door knocker? The No-bell Prize.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
“I have learned that to be with those I like is enough.” –Walt Whitman
“Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens.” –Jimi Hendrix
“I am patient with stupidity but not with those who are proud of it.” –Edith Sitwell
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
Bobby, nine, opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, and looked at the old pages as he turned them. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible, and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between the pages.
‘Hey, Mum, look what I’ve found!’ Bobby called out. ‘What have you got there, dear?’ his mother asked. Astonishment written all over his face, he answered: ‘I think it’s Adam’s suit!’
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘Help! Help! I’m being repressed!’
Answer: Monty Python and the Holy Grail! Dennis, the commoner, being attacked by Arthur after
criticizing the office of King.
Wednesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘Or in your case, a whole loaf of toast.’
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
In the following list, the words are out of order (the correct order is NOT alphabetical). Can you figure out the pattern and put them in the proper order?
ANSWER: The words, when combined with the placement letter, form new words.
A. Corn (Acorn)
B. Leaf (Belief)
C. Saw (See-Saw)
D. Part (Depart)
E. Mitt (Emit)
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
Art is to be appreciated from afar, rarely touched, and certainly never altered from the artist’s original vision. One would never pencil in eyebrows on the Mona Lisa or dare to bolt mannequin arms to the Venus de Milo.
Yet, despite all this, there is a well-known piece of art that has been blatantly defaced. What is even stranger is that the offending defacer, though he meant to do his nasty work, did not WANT to. His identity was known, yet he was never arrested and never punished. Quite the opposite, his defacement was encouraged by the highest of powers in his day.
What is the piece of art?
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/