WELCOME to Tuesday, March 8, 2016.
Ten Funny Things About Marriage….
The woman always makes the rules
These rules are subject to change without notice
No man can possibly know all the rules
The woman is never wrong
If it appears the woman is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding
caused by something the man did or said
The man must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding
The woman can change her mind at any time
The man must never change his mind without the proper consent of the woman
The man must read the mind of the woman at all times
At all times, what is important is what the woman meant, not what she said.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
“The Defense Department is inviting hackers to test its cyber security in a new program called ‘Hack the Pentagon.’ Which will be followed by another new program called ‘OK, Please Stop Hacking Us. It’s Not Funny Anymore.'” -Jimmy Fallon
“Almost five years after Fukushima, a study found Japanese seafood is now ‘mostly free’ of radiation. The study also found that the seafood at Long John Silver’s is ‘mostly free’ of fish.” -Conan O’Brien
“According to a recent survey, 15 percent of Americans have admitted to cooking in the nude. Unfortunately, most of them work at Chipotle.” -Seth Meyers
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
A man received the following text from his neighbor: I am so sorry Bob. I’ve been riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I have been tapping your wife, day and night when you’re not around. In fact, more than you. I’m not getting any at home, but that’s no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won’t happen again.
The man, anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and shot his wife.
A few moments later, a second text came in: Stupid spellcheck, I meant “WIFI”, not “wife”.
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘The stones are…in me.’‘
Answer: The Fifth Element! Just before the Diva dies, she tells Dallas where the ancient stones are hidden.
Tuesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘Help! Help! I’m being repressed!’
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
It doesn’t hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time. This little test should help you get started.
During a visit to a mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criteria is that defines if a patient should be institutionalized.
“Well,” said the Director, “we fill up a bathtub. Then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient and ask the patient to empty the bathtub.”
Okay, here’s your test:
1. Would you use the spoon?
2. Would you use the teacup?
3. Would you use the bucket?
“Oh, I understand,” said the visitor. “A normal person would choose the bucket, as it is larger than the spoon.”
What was the director’s response?
ANSWER: “No,” answered the Director. “A normal person would pull the plug.”
So, how did *YOU* do?
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
In the following list, the words are out of order (the correct order is NOT alphabetical). Can you figure out the pattern and put them in the proper order?
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! GREAT JOB BANKS!
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/