Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Monday, March 7, 2016. 

Grumpy Old Men with Their Children….

Two men were standing on a street corner, discussing the merits of their teenage sons. “Do you know,” remarked the first one, “My son is so thick. I don’t think they teach the kids anything useful at school these days.”

“Well,” replied the other gentleman, “He can’t be as bad as mine!”

The discussion continued at length, when suddenly they espied both of the boys coming towards them.

“Listen,” said the first man, “I’ll prove to you that my son is thicker than yours.” “Come here Algie!” The lad duly obeyed his father and asked why he had called him over. “Here’s 20 dollars” replied the father, ” Go and buy your mother a new fridge from the electrical store!”

The second parent likewise called his son over. “Jasper,” he said ” here’s 5 dollars. Go home on the bus and see if I’m there!” Both boys departed together and met up around the corner. Algie beckoned Jasper to him and whispered in his ear “My dad’s really stupid, Jasper,” he said, “he has given me 20 dollars to buy my mum a new fridge from the electrical store, and it’s Wednesday – early closing day!”

“That’s nothing!” replied Jasper, “my old man’s worse than that. He gave me 5 dollars to get on the bus and go home to see if he’s there. He could have phoned up himself for 50 cents!”

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!     

 

DAILY QUOTES….    

“In New Hampshire, legislators are trying to pass a law that would make public breastfeeding a crime. However, the bill is being opposed by a strong coalition called ‘Creepy Dudes United.'” -Conan O’Brien

“Engineers at Boston Dynamics have unveiled a humanoid robot that can withstand getting pushed in the chest with a hockey stick without falling over. Which is definitely the most Boston way to test a robot.” -Seth Meyers

“You know how in high school sometimes the students will vote for the weirdest kid in class to be prom king as a joke, and then so many people get in on the joke, the kid actually becomes prom king? Well, anyway, Donald Trump won Super Tuesday.” -Jimmy Kimmel 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 

There was a bit of confusion in the store this morning.  When I was ready to pay for my products, the check-out assistant said to me, ‘Strip down facing me.’  Making a mental note to complain to my Member of Parliament about excessive security running amok, I did just as she had instructed.  When the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally subsided, I found out that she was referring to my debit card. I have been asked to shop elsewhere in the future.   

 

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘Am I too late for Alexander’s panic attack? I guess not.’ 

Answer: Galaxy Quest! Right at the beginning, when Jason (Tim Allen) shows up late for the Galaxy Quest Conference. 

Friday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘The stones are…in me.’

 

Friday’s Quizzler is……….

oLr

elteltelteltelt
elteltelteltelt

elteltelteltelt 

ANSWER:  Eleanor Roosevelt

‘L’ in ‘or’ 

rows of ‘elt’ 

 

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

It doesn’t hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time. This little test should help you get started.

During a visit to a mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criteria is that defines if a patient should be institutionalized.

“Well,” said the Director, “we fill up a bathtub. Then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient and ask the patient to empty the bathtub.”

Okay, here’s your test:
1. Would you use the spoon?
2. Would you use the teacup?
3. Would you use the bucket?

“Oh, I understand,” said the visitor. “A normal person would choose the bucket, as it is larger than the spoon.”
What was the director’s response?

                                                

 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com.

 

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