Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Thursday, March 31, 2016.   

People Say the Strangest Things:

These phrases were culled from the small ad columns of local newspapers in the UK and the USA.  Hidden message, when you think You’ve finished with your paper, check the small ads……

Semi-annual after-Christmas sale. 

We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $10.00.

Auto repair service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you’ll never go anywhere again.

Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else.

Tattoos done while you wait.

Buy your new bedroom suite from us, and we will stand behind it for six months.

Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.

For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.

Wanted: Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.

Wanted: Mother’s helper – peasant working conditions.Is there chicken in your vegetarian gumbo?

Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.

Amana washer $100. Owned by clean bachelor who seldom washed.

No matter what your topcoat is made of, this miracle spray will make it really repellent.

Is there chicken in your vegetarian gumbo?

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Thursday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget 

to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!     

 

DAILY QUOTES….    

“A new study suggests that marriage is more beneficial for men than women. The results of the study were shouted at me through a locked bedroom door.” -Seth Meyers 

“Scientists believe the first modern Europeans mated with Neanderthals. This is the oldest evidence yet of beer goggles.” -Conan O’Brien

“For the first time ever, scientists have created artificial life. The hope is that it can revolutionize healthcare, generate clean energy, become super-intelligent, take over the world, make us all its slaves, etc.” -Jimmy Kimmel  

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 

 A priest had the weight of the world on his shoulders and was showing the effects. The church sent him to a psychiatrist, who ordered him to take a week off. So the priest left his religious paraphernalia behind him and went to a neighboring city. He got himself a nice room and went to the hotel bar to relax with a couple stiff drinks. 

A waitress in a short skirt and low-cut uniform came over and asked, “What’ll it be, Father?”

The priest felt to see if he was still wearing his collar by mistake, but he had none on.

“How did you know I’m a priest?” he asked.

The waitress said, “I’m Sister Mary Margaret. We go to the same psychiatrist!”Emoji

 

 

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘She’ll only break your heart, it’s a fact. And even though I warn you, even though I guarantee you that the girl will only hurt you terribly, you’ll still pursue her. Ain’t love grand?’  

Answer: Great Expectations! Anne Bancroft’s Ms. Dinsmoor warns Finn (Ethan Hawke) of the heartbreak to come. But how could he resist Gwenyth Paltrow’s Estella? 

Thursday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘I’m, like, 98% excited, and maybe 2% scared. Or maybe it’s backwards. Maybe I’m 98% scared, and, like, 2% excited. But that’s what makes it so great – I’m so confused!’

 

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….

A spoonerism is a pair of words that can have their initial sounds switched to form new words. The pairs need only sound the same, not necessarily be spelled the same (power saw & sour paw, horse cart & coarse heart). There may sometimes be one or two connecting words (kick the stone & stick the cone, king of the rats & ring of the cats). Given the following definitions, what are the spoonerisms?

1) canine fur & porcine challenge

2) rock toss & to pack up royal furniture

3) arsonist’s desire & to battle a fibber

4) underground amphibian & bar rules

ANSWER: 1) dog hair & hog dare  2) throw a stone & stow a throne  3) light a fire & fight a liar  4) cavern toad & tavern code 

 

 

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….

Seven letters are we,

Four different words we make.

Guess us or be ridiculed;

Your reputation’s at stake. 

The first has pictures,

Paintings and such.

The second causes sneezing,

From ragweed or dust.

The third is an adverb, 

It’s hard to explain

It’s the same as immensely

But it’s much more plain.

If you can act like a king,

this word you will sing. 

These clues are sparse

This riddle may be tough.

But if you are smart

Then it will be enough.

 
  

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  Emoji

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com.

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Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Wednesday, March 30, 2016.   

The Funny Wisdom’s of Life……

The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity. But not in that order – Brian Pickrell

Never miss an opportunity to make others happy, even if you have to leave them alone in order to do it – Author unknown

He has a face like a Saint – A Saint Bernard – Unknown

I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don’t know the answer – Douglas Adams Sometimes we have to let go

The empty vessel makes the greatest sound – William Shakespeare

Silence and smile are two powerful words.  Smile is the way to solve many problems and Silence is the way to avoid many problems – Anon

Knowledge talks, wisdom listens

There cannot be a crisis next week.  My schedule is already full – Henry Kissinger

He could start a row in an empty house – Sir Alex Ferguson on footballer Dennis Wise

I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure – Clarence Darrow

He has all the virtues I dislike, and none of the vices I admire – Winston Churchill

I used to be indecisive, now I’m not so sure – W.C. Fields

In the book of life, the answers aren’t in the back – Charlie Brown

To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone – Reba McEntire

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway – Anon

Mistakes are painful when they happen, but years later a collection of mistakes called Experience leads us to success

A wise man listens to advice – Proverbs 12:15

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget 

to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!     

 

DAILY QUOTES….    

 “Happiness makes up in height for what it lacks in length.” –Robert Frost 

“It doesn’t make a difference what temperature a room is, it’s always room temperature.” –Steven Wright 

“No one is useless in this world who lightens the burdens of another.” –Charles Dickens 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 

Police Officer Bryant found a perfect hiding place for watching for speeding motorists. One day, the officer was amazed when everyone was under the speed limit, so Bryant investigated and found the problem.  10 year old Dennis was standing on the side of the road with a huge hand painted sign which said “Radar Trap Ahead.” A little more investigative work led the officer to the boy’s accomplice, another boy about 100 yards beyond the radar trap with a sign reading “Tips” and a bucket at his feet, full of change.   

 

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? Mathilda: ‘Leon, I think I’m falling in love with you. It’s the first time for me, you know?’

Leon: ‘How do you know it’s love if you’ve never been in love before?’

Mathilda: ‘Cause I feel it.’

Leon: ‘Where?’

Mathilda: ‘In my stomach. It’s all warm. I always had a knot there and now, . . . it’s gone.’

Leon: ‘Mathilda, I’m glad you don’t have a stomach ache any more. I don’t think it means anything.’ 

Answer: Leon! Mathilda (Natalie Portman) divulges her growing affection to Leon (Jean Reno) and he dismisses them. Some scenes important to it were cut from American versions (and yes, the American version is entitled ‘The Professional’).  

Wednesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘She’ll only break your heart, it’s a fact. And even though I warn you, even though I guarantee you that the girl will only hurt you terribly, you’ll still pursue her. Ain’t love grand?’

 

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….

We are brave sailors always riding the sea
We are less than one hundred but as tough as can be
We sleep in three bunkers on top of each other
Our numbers double from one bunker to another
We dance in joy all through the night
In groups of fives under the moonlight
Last night twelve of us were swallowed by waves
Leaving alive more than two third of the braves
Still we continue the journey refusing to fail
So tell me how many of us are left to sail? 

ANSWER: 58 sailors are left.  1. From line 2: Total number of sailors is <100.  2. From lines 3 & 4: Let number of sailors sleeping in bunker 1 be X, then number of sailors sleeping in bunker 2 is 2X and in bunker 3 is 4X, i.e. Total number of sailors = X+2X+4X = 7X and thus it is a multiple of 7.  3. From line 6: dancing in groups of fives means the total number is a product of 5.  4. From lines 7 & 8: 12 of the sailors drowned in the sea, leaving more than two third of the sailors alive, so the total number is > 36 (3 * 12).  Summing up all the above given information, the total number of sailors is <100 and >36, it divides by 7 and 5, which adds up to the total number of 70 sailors.  Since 12 of the 70 sailors died in the sea, there are 58 sailors left to continue the journey. 

 

 

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….

A spoonerism is a pair of words that can have their initial sounds switched to form new words. The pairs need only sound the same, not necessarily be spelled the same (power saw & sour paw, horse cart & coarse heart). There may sometimes be one or two connecting words (kick the stone & stick the cone, king of the rats & ring of the cats). Given the following definitions, what are the spoonerisms?

1) canine fur & porcine challenge

2) rock toss & to pack up royal furniture

3) arsonist’s desire & to battle a fibber

4) underground amphibian & bar rules

 
  

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  Emoji

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com.

Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Tuesday, March 29, 2016.  

Can You Believe It?

At Work: 

An actual tip from page 21 of the Health & Safety Handbook for Employees: ‘Blink your eyelids periodically to lubricate your eyes’.

At Play:  Blind car driver

My daughter went to a local McDonalds and ordered a burger.  She asked the individual behind the counter for ‘minimal lettuce’.  He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.

On the Road

The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it is safe to cross the road.  I was crossing with a friend of mine when she asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.  I explained that it signals to blind people when the light is red. She responded, appalled, ‘What on earth are blind people doing driving?’

On Holiday: 

I was at London airport one Thursday, checking in at the gate, when the airport employee asked, ‘Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?’ I answered, ‘If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?’ He smiled and nodded knowingly, ‘That’s why we ask.’

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!     

 

DAILY QUOTES….    

“A researcher found that blonde women are slightly smarter than brunettes. The researcher said it’s not true, but that line tends to work on blonde women at a bar.” -Conan O’Brien

“There’s a new study that says giving your child too much praise can harm them later. If you’re too hard on your kids, they grow up with no self-confidence, but if you praise them too much, they grow up to be narcissists. What do these little monsters want from us?” -Jimmy Kimmel

“A woman held hostage by her boyfriend in Florida managed to escape this week after she convinced him to let her order a pizza using Pizza Hut’s app and wrote ‘911 hostage help’ in the comment section. But really aren’t all Pizza Hut orders a cry for help? ” -Seth Meyers 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 

My wife and I were going through a rough patch financially, but we kept ourselves sane by repeating, “As long as we have each other, we don’t need anything else.”  But when the television in our bedroom broke and we couldn’t afford to repair or replace it, my wife lost it. “That’s just great!” she shouted. “Now there’s no entertainment in our bedroom at all!”Emoji 

 

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘We all see what we want to see. Coffey looks and he sees Russians. He sees hate and fear. You have to look with better eyes than that.’ 

Answer:  The Abyss! Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio’s character says this when tensions rise between the civilian divers and Navy SEALS trying to recover an American nuclear submarine in James Cameron’s wonderful sci-fi flick.

Tuesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? Mathilda: ‘Leon, I think I’m falling in love with you. It’s the first time for me, you know?’

Leon: ‘How do you know it’s love if you’ve never been in love before?’

Mathilda: ‘Cause I feel it.’

Leon: ‘Where?’

Mathilda: ‘In my stomach. It’s all warm. I always had a knot there and now, . . . it’s gone.’

Leon: ‘Mathilda, I’m glad you don’t have a stomach ache any more. I don’t think it means anything.’

 

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

Inside each set of the following words, there are a pair of smaller words. By putting & between them, lo & behold, you’ll make a familiar phrase. For example, “Thighbone/Swallowtail” conceals “High & Low.”

1. Skyrocketing/Trolleyman 

2. Thermometer/Apoplexy 

3. Delaware/Bordering 

4. Surprised/Trashiness 

5. Throughout/Stumblebum 

 

ANSWER: 1. Rock & Roll  2. Mom & Pop   3. Law & Order   4. Rise & Shine   5. Rough & Tumble 

 

 

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….

We are brave sailors always riding the sea
We are less than one hundred but as tough as can be
We sleep in three bunkers on top of each other
Our numbers double from one bunker to another
We dance in joy all through the night
In groups of fives under the moonlight
Last night twelve of us were swallowed by waves
Leaving alive more than two third of the braves
Still we continue the journey refusing to fail
So tell me how many of us are left to sail?

 
 

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! GREAT WORK BANKS! 

EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji                                            

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  Emoji

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com.

Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Monday, March 28, 2016.    

Actual High School Geography Answers…..

Q: Name the four seasons.

A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.

A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed?

A: Certain areas of the dessert are cultivated by irritation.  Then the sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: What is a planet?

A: A body of earth surrounded by sky.Schoolboy howler Geography Jokes

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?

A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in the fight.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!     

 

DAILY QUOTES….    

“A new study came out that says drinking more beer could lower women’s risk of a heart attack by 30 percent. The study was conducted by the Institute of Things to Tell That Hot Woman at a Party.” -Conan O’Brien

“Researchers have studied a fish in Thailand and found that it has developed bones on its pelvis that can allow it to walk — and sing.” -Seth Meyers

“A new study found that women with natural blonde hair had a higher average IQ score than brunettes and redheads. So, for you natural blondes out there, a higher IQ means you’re smarter. ” -Jimmy Fallon 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 

A Baptist pastor was presenting a children’s sermon. During the sermon, he asked the children if they knew what the resurrection was.

Now, asking questions during children’s sermons is crucial, but at the same time, asking children questions in front of a congregation can also be very dangerous. Having asked the children if they knew the meaning of the resurrection, a little boy raised his hand…

The pastor called on him and the little boy said, “I’m not sure, but I know that if you have a resurrection that lasts more than four hours you are supposed to call the doctor.” Emoji 

 

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘I may go back to hating you. It was more fun.’ 

Answer: North by Northwest! Roger Thornhill (Cary Grant) says this to Eve Kendall (Eva Marie Saint), frustrated by the compiling deceptions. 

Monday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘We all see what we want to see. Coffey looks and he sees Russians. He sees hate and fear. You have to look with better eyes than that.’

 

Friday’s Quizzler is……….

Someone has stolen Beethoven’s Wig and has put it in one of four locked boxes. The boxes are numbered from 1,2,3,4 in that order. There are four different keys that each has their own color. Use the clues below to figure out which key goes in which box and to find the box where Beethoven’s wig is being kept. 

1. The green key goes to the third or fourth box

2. The wig is to the left of the fourth box

3. The wig is to the right of the first box

4. The yellow key is to the left of the wig

5. The blue key is to the right of the yellow key and to the left of the green key

6. The red key goes to the first box   

ANSWER: The wig is in the third box

The red key goes to the first box

The yellow key goes to the second box

The blue key goes to the third box

The green key goes to the fourth box 

 

 

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

Inside each set of the following words, there are a pair of smaller words. By putting & between them, lo & behold, you’ll make a familiar phrase. For example, “Thighbone/Swallowtail” conceals “High & Low.”

1. Skyrocketing/Trolleyman 

2. Thermometer/Apoplexy 

3. Delaware/Bordering 

4. Surprised/Trashiness 

5. Throughout/Stumblebum

 
 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  Emoji

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com.

Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Friday, March 25, 2016.    

Unexpected Knowledge Gained From the Movies….

A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.

All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.

Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments. 

When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom still still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.

Once applied, lipstick will never rub off-even while scuba diving.

The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.

Large, loft-style apartments in New York City (or Paris) are well within the price range of most people-whether they are employed or not.

All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets that reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.

If staying in a haunted house, women will investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.

Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don’t worry which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.

It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts-your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.

A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their archenemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers, and man-eating sharks, which will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.

You’re very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German or Russian officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German or 

Russian accent will do.

If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.

All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they’re going to go off.

If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you meet will know all the steps.

When they are alone, all foreign military officers prefer to speak to each other in English.

Hollywood is a place where they’ll pay you a thousand dollars for a kiss and fifty cents for your soul. 

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Easter weekend people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!     

 

DAILY QUOTES….    

“This week in New York, police arrested a man who tried to steal 43 sticks of underarm deodorant from a drugstore. The man is being described as ‘not European.'” -Conan O’Brien

“Alex Trebek has broken a world record for game-show hosts, after hosting 6,829 shows in his career. When asked how he’s made it through so many shows, Trebek said, ‘What is Scotch?'” -Jimmy Fallon

“A 10-year-old boy in New York set a new world record for his age group after running a mile in 5 minutes and 1 second. He was able to set the record after he accidentally made eye contact with a girl.” -Seth Meyers 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 

 If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it will always be yours. If it doesn’t come back, it was never yours to begin with. 

But, if it just sits in your living room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your telephone, takes your money, and doesn’t appear to realize that you had set it free….you either married it or gave birth to it.Emoji 

 

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘Multiply your anger by about a hundred, Kate, that’s how much he thinks he loves you.’ 

Answer: Kiss the Girls! Morgan Freeman’s character explains to Ashley Judd’s Kate the mindset of the killer they’re searching for. This movie might have been good if they hadn’t put Cary Elwes’ name third in the opening credits. What was essentially a bit role as a low-level cop obviously didn’t garner such billing, so it was more than obvious he was the killer and not the least bit surprising when the movie ultimately ‘surprised’ us with that information. 

Friday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘I may go back to hating you. It was more fun.’

 

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….

 Inside each set of the following words, there are a pair of smaller words. By putting & between them, lo & behold, you’ll make a familiar phrase. For example, “Thighbone/Swallowtail” conceals “High & Low.”

1. Gulliver/Clearness

2. Tragicomedy/Pentagon

3. Chinchilla/Magdalene

4. Terrestrial/Ecoterrorist

5. Thundershower/Intellectual

 

ANSWER: 1. Live & Learn  2. Come & Go  3. Hill & Dale  4. Trial & Error  5. Show & Tell   

 

Friday’s Quizzler is……….

Someone has stolen Beethoven’s Wig and has put it in one of four locked boxes. The boxes are numbered from 1,2,3,4 in that order. There are four different keys that each has their own color. Use the clues below to figure out which key goes in which box and to find the box where Beethoven’s wig is being kept. 

1. The green key goes to the third or fourth box

2. The wig is to the left of the fourth box

3. The wig is to the right of the first box

4. The yellow key is to the left of the wig

5. The blue key is to the right of the yellow key and to the left of the green key

6. The red key goes to the first box

 
 
 

 

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS & MS. KIM HILLYARD! NICE WORK LADIES! 

EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji           

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  Emoji

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com.

Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

Hilarious-Sayings

WELCOME to Thursday, March 24, 2016.    

Clever Phrases…….. 

Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.

We’ll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?  He’s all right now.

The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.

The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

A bicycle can’t stand alone, it is two tired.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

A backward poet writes inverse.

In a democracy it’s your vote that counts; in feudalism, it’s your Count that votes.

The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

If you don’t pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I’ll show you A-flat miner.

When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.

You are stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.

Local Area Network in Australia : The LAN down under.

He broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thurday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget 

to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!     

 

DAILY QUOTES….    

“Starbucks announced today that they are introducing a new Caramelized Honey Frappuccino to their menu. And then your dentist announced he’s buying a new boat.” -Seth Meyers

“Yesterday, President Obama arrived in Cuba, a formerly hostile territory. Tomorrow, he returns to Washington, a currently hostile territory.” -Conan O’Brien

“According to a new study, the larger the age difference between married couples, the more likely they are to get a divorce. Or as gold-diggers call that, ‘the point.'” -Jimmy Fallon

 

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 

This guy comes home from work one day to find his dog with the neighbor’s pet rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit is very dead and the guy panics. He thinks the neighbors are going to hate him forever, so he takes the dirty, chewed-up rabbit into the house, gives it a bath, blow-dries its fur, and puts the rabbit back into the cage on the neighbor’s back porch, hoping that they will think it died of natural causes. 

A few days later, the neighbor is outside and asks the guy, “Did you hear that Fluffy died?” 

The guy stumbles around and says, “No.. umm.. no.. I didn’t. what happened?” 

The neighbor replies, “We just found him dead in his cage one day, but the weird thing is that the day after the kids buried him in the backyard we went outside and someone had dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage. There are some real sick people out there!”  

 

 

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘I’m a god. I’m not ‘the’ God. I’m ‘a’ god.’ 

Answer: Groundhog Day is a 1993 film about a weather man doomed to repeat the same day over and over again.

Thursday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘Multiply your anger by about a hundred, Kate, that’s how much he thinks he loves you.’

 

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

If you like solving puzzles, periodically,

Then this may suit your particular body chemistry.
One is partly controversial but makes hard teeth with just a trace,
Two is notoriously poisonous and sometimes seen with old lace.
Three made the Hindenburg rise and fall disastrously from the sky,
Four is most essential, without Thyroxin you would surely die.
Five is up in the air and to life it is very dear.
Six is like your favourite pub, a lot to do with atmosphere.
Put us all together and we wield economic power,
A magazine? ; a dress ? ; a trend? ; I change by the hour.

What am I?

 

ANSWER:  One : Fluorine in Fluoride prevents tooth decay.(F)

Two: Arsenic is poisonous (1944 Cary Grant movie “Arsenic and Old Lace” (As)

Three: Airship Hindenburg was filled with Hydrogen (H).

Four: Iodine is required by the thyroid gland for production of thyroxin. (I)

Five: oxygen required by most living organisms (O).

Six: Nitrogen makes up 80% of our atmosphere. (N)

F As H I O N

Fashion dictates spending patterns.

A Fashion Magazine.

A Fashion(able) dress.

Fashion is a trend.

I am “FASHION”.

 

 

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….

Inside each set of the following words, there are a pair of smaller words. By putting & between them, lo & behold, you’ll make a familiar phrase. For example, “Thighbone/Swallowtail” conceals “High & Low.”

1. Gulliver/Clearness

2. Tragicomedy/Pentagon

3. Chinchilla/Magdalene

4. Terrestrial/Ecoterrorist

5. Thundershower/Intellectual

 
 

 

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! NICE WORK BANKS! 

EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji           

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  Emoji

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com.

Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

Hipster-of-everything

WELCOME to Monday, March 21, 2016.   

A Dozen Gentle ‘Thoughts for Today’ as We Grow Older……..

Ageing: eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

The easiest way to find something that’s lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

If at first you don’t succeed, shouldn’t you try doing it like your wife told you?

A penny saved is a government oversight.

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

He who hesitates is almost certainly right.

Did you ever notice? The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are ‘XL’.

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

The sole purpose of a child’s middle name is so he can tell when he’s really in trouble.

There’s always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don’t hurt..

The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today, it’s called golf.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!     

 

DAILY QUOTES….    

“According to the Annual World Happiness Report, the United States is the 13th happiest country in the world. You know what the happiest country in the world is? Denmark. Danish people are the happiest. Of course they’re happy, they have a pastry named after them.” -Jimmy Kimmel

“Amazon’s got this new voice-activated home assistant gadget called the Echo. You just talk to the Echo, and it tells you the weather or sports scores or controls the lighting or climate in your house. Now, the Echo is always listening, but it only activates when you say its name: Alexa. It’s a pretty name, much prettier than the earlier name, the privacy-destroyer spy-mic 5000.” -Stephen Colbert

“In last night’s Democratic debate, Hillary Clinton said that several times a day, she speaks to God. But never for under $100,000.” -Conan O’Brien 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 

A father and son went fishing one day. After a couple hours in the boat, the boy suddenly became curious about the world around him.

He asked his father, “How does this boat float?”

The father thought for a moment, then replied, “Don’t rightly know, son.”

The boy returned to his contemplation, then turned back to his father, “How do fish breathe underwater?”

Once again the father replied, “Don’t rightly know, son.”

A little later the boy asked his father, “Why is the sky blue?”

Again, the father replied. “Don’t rightly know, son.”

Worried he was going to annoy his father, he says, “Dad, do you mind my asking you all of these questions?”

“Of course not, son. If you don’t ask questions, you’ll never learn anything!”  

 

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ”He gave Jenny… the huggies!’ 

Answer: The muppets take manhattan! Miss Piggy confronts Kermit in the park after she sees him hugging 

his friend Jenny.  

Monday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘I’m a god. I’m not ‘the’ God. I’m ‘a’ god.’

 

Friday’s Quizzler is……….

Without changing the order of the letters, place the four letter words on the dashes to form eight letter words. All the words will not be used.

Veto, Lent, Rake, Hilt, Clam, Abut, Tile

1. __ um__ __ i __ y

2. Pro __ __ __ i __

3. __ err __ b __ __

4. __ __ xa __ i __ n

5. Ove __ t __ __ __ 

 

ANSWER: 1. Humility – hilt

2. Proclaim – clam

3. Terrible – tile

4. Vexation – veto

5. Overtake – rake  

 

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

If you like solving puzzles, periodically,

Then this may suit your particular body chemistry.
One is partly controversial but makes hard teeth with just a trace,
Two is notoriously poisonous and sometimes seen with old lace.
Three made the Hindenburg rise and fall disastrously from the sky,
Four is most essential, without Thyroxin you would surely die.
Five is up in the air and to life it is very dear.
Six is like your favourite pub, a lot to do with atmosphere.
Put us all together and we wield economic power,
A magazine? ; a dress ? ; a trend? ; I change by the hour.
What am I?

 
 

 

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! NICE WORK BANKS! 

EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji           

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  Emoji

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com.