Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Monday, February 22, 2016.   

On The Job Wisdom…

1. If you do a good job and work hard, you may get a job with a better company someday.

2. The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.

3. Sure, you may not like working here, but we pay your rent.

4. Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings — they did it by killing all those who opposed them.

5. A person who smiles in the face of adversity probably has a scapegoat.

6. If at first you don’t succeed–try management.

7. Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.

8. Never quit until you have another job.

9. Hang in there: Retirement is only 30 years away!

10. Go the extra mile–It makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker.

11. Pride, commitment, teamwork–words we use to get you to work for free.

12. Work: It isn’t just for sleeping anymore.

13. There are two kinds of people in life: people who like their jobs, and people who don’t work here anymore. 

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!     

 

DAILY QUOTES….    

 “A cellist in Oregon was arrested after police found over 100 pounds of marijuana in his car trunk. Thankfully, when they pulled him over, he didn’t resort to violins.” -Seth Meyers

“Valentine’s Day: the day women all around the world wait eagerly to discover the new and wonderful ways their husbands and boyfriends will disappoint them.” -Jimmy Kimmel 

“Two hundred cows recently died in a field in Wisconsin. Nobody knows the cause of death, but they suspect boredom.” -Conan O’Brien

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

Two older, successful businessmen met at a resort. One who had recently retired was describing his life, “I get up late in the morning, have a light breakfast and then I lie down on my veranda for a few hours and relax. 

In the afternoon I go inside for lunch, have a great salad, fruits and cold fish, then I spend the rest of the afternoon boating or playing golf or tennis… 

When it starts to get dark I have a great dinner with the finest wines. I smoke a Cuban cigar. Then I go lie on my veranda again.” 

The other gentleman acknowledges that this is a life to be envied. Later he reported the conversation to his wife. She asked, “What’s his wife’s name?” 

Her husband said, “I’m not sure, but I think it’s Veranda.” (Dork!) 

 

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  “I don’t know nuthin’ ’bout birthin’ no babies!”

Answer:  Gone With The Wind! Prissy (Butterfly McQueen) says this when Melanie goes into labor, 

and they can not get her to a hospital. 

Monday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “You’re getting wet right?”

 

Friday’s Quizzler is……….

Justin Case and Auntie Bellum are fellow con artists who deliver coded messages to each other to communicate. Recently Auntie Bellum was put in jail for stealing a rare and expensive diamond. Only a few days after this, Justin Case sent her a friendly letter asking her how she was. On the inside of the envelope of the letter, he hid a code. Yesterday, Auntie Bellum escaped and left the envelope and the letter inside the jail cell. The police did some research and found the code on the inside of the envelope, but they haven’t been able to crack it. Could you help the police find out what the message is?

This is the code:

llwatchawtfeclocklnisksundialcirbetimersool 


ANSWER: The message was “loose bricks in left wall.” The message was put backward with words related to time in between.

This is how the message looks when separated:

ll watch awtfe clock lnisk sundial cirbe timer sool

If you take out watch, clock, sundial, and timer, this is what is left:

llawtfelniskcirbesool

Look at this backwards and this is what you have:

loose bricks in left wall

Auntie Bellum took out the bricks and escaped in the night. Then, she put the bricks back where they were. 

 

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

Inside each set of the following words, there are a pair of smaller words. By putting & between them, lo & behold, you’ll make a familiar phrase. For example, “Thighbone/Swallowtail” conceals “High & Low.”

1. Gulliver/Clearness

2. Tragicomedy/Pentagon

3. Chinchilla/Magdalene

4. Terrestrial/Ecoterrorist

5. Thundershower/Intellectual

 

 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com.

 

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