Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Monday, February 29, 2016.   

Random Puns………… 

1. Why do abcdefghijklmopqrstuvwxy & z hate hanging out with the letter n? Because n always has to be the center of attention.

2. The time traveler was still hungry after his last bite, so he went back four seconds.

3. What do you call an unpredictable, out of control photographer? A loose Canon.

4. Deeply exhaling indicates a negative mood – at least that’s what sighentists say.

5. You can tell if your gold chain is fake by leaving the room and listening to see if it talks crap about you to other jewelry.

6. Did you hear about the sensitive burglar? He takes things personally.

7. What’s a moth’s life motto? Always look on the bright side.

8. Did the disappointed smoker get everything he wanted for Christmas? Clothes but no cigar.

9. What do auditioning for an acting role and playing sports have in common? If you break a leg, you get cast.

10. Fill out job applications in crayon and if you don’t get hired just blame it on your color.

11. Taking things literally can lead to confusion, but at the end of the day, 11:59.

12. What did Lil Jon do when the hardware store employee tried to sell him a lightbulb? Turned down 4 Watt.

13. What do you call the sound a dog makes when it’s choking on a piece of its owner’s jewelry? A diamond in the ruff.

14. Accidentally broke my Irish friend’s Pixar movie. He wasn’t amused, but he did say “You cracked me Up.”

15. The smell of a deli can make you crave a sandwich subconsciously.

16. Who loves organic orange soda? Kale loves organic orange soda.

17. What do you call the heavy breathing someone makes while trying to hold their downward facing dog pose? Yoga pants.

18. How do you make a digital school bus? With special effects.

19. Someone gave me the wrong directions to a massage parlor — it rubbed me the wrong way.

20. What do you call crystal clear urine? 1080pee.

21. How do you impress a baker when you’re taking his daughter on a date? Bring her flours.

22. A stinky man walks into a bar. Unfortunately it isn’t of soap.

23. Why did the yogurt go to the art exhibit? Because it was cultured.

24. My vacuum broke in the middle of cleaning and I can’t tell if the situation sucks or not.

25. Shout “out” to baseball players who get three strikes.

26. I hate change but I also hate change, so if the US gets rid of pennies & nickels I’m not sure how I’ll feel.

27. My body is like a dictionary filled with blank pages: thick and no definition.

28. “Do you know why I pulled you over?” – A fashion Police officer to his zipperless sweatshirt.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!     

 

DAILY QUOTES….    

“Researchers say much of Florida could be underwater by the end of the century. On the bright side, they say it could happen much sooner.” -Conan O’Brien

“Starbucks has unveiled a new rewards system. Previously, you needed only 12 rewards ‘Stars’ to get a free drink; you now need 125. This has made Starbucks customers very angry. I mean, this is all so frustrating. If only there was some way for people to make their own coffee, at home.” -James Corden

“Hasbro announced they are making a new version of Monopoly to appeal to a younger generation. That means it won’t come with any cash, so you’ll have to borrow some from your parents’ Monopoly set.” -Jimmy Fallon 

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 

My 10-year-old daughter has decided she is an environmentalist. So she talked me into participating in an aggressive recycling effort with her. 

Last week she and I took what proved to be 134 pounds of cardboard boxes to the recycling center and earned $1.34. Counting gas and ice cream, we turned a profit of -$7.85. 

We’re going to use generally accepted accounting principles and see if we can apply this amount to our taxable income.  

 

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 Freeze. I said freeze.”  

Answer: Renaissance Man! The troops say this as they get in to position for the Sergeant or for the final exam with Mr. Rago. The Sergeant is played by Gregory Hines and Bill Rago is played by Danny DeVito. 

Monday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???  “Strawberries are red!” 

 

Friday’s Quizzler is……….

We are brave sailors always riding the sea

We are less than one hundred but as tough as can be

We sleep in three bunkers on top of each other

Our numbers double from one bunker to another

We dance in joy all through the night

In groups of fives under the moonlight

Last night twelve of us were swallowed by waves

Leaving alive more than two third of the braves

Still we continue the journey refusing to fail

So tell me how many of us are left to sail?

ANSWER: 58 sailors are left.

1. From line 2: Total number of sailors is <100.

2. From lines 3 & 4: Let number of sailors sleeping in bunker 1 be X, then number of sailors sleeping in bunker 2 is 2X and in bunker 3 is 4X, 

i.e. Total number of sailors = X+2X+4X = 7X and thus it is a multiple of 7.

3. From line 6: dancing in groups of fives means the total number is a product of 5.

4. From lines 7 & 8: 12 of the sailors drowned in the sea, leaving more than two third of the sailors alive, so the total number is > 36 (3 * 12).

Summing up all the above given information, the total number of sailors is <100 and >36, it divides by 7 and 5, which adds up to the total number of 70 sailors.

Since 12 of the 70 sailors died in the sea, there are 58 sailors left to continue the journey. 

 

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

 A spoonerism is a pair of words that can have their initial sounds switched to form new words. The pairs need only sound the same, not necessarily be spelled the same (power saw & sour paw, horse cart & coarse heart). There may sometimes be one or two connecting words (kick the stone & stick the cone, king of the rats & ring of the cats). Given the following definitions, what are the spoonerisms?

1) canine fur & porcine challenge

2) rock toss & to pack up royal furniture

3) arsonist’s desire & to battle a fibber

4) underground amphibian & bar rules

                                                

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com.

 

Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Friday, February 26, 2016.   

Body Puns..

1. I really wanted a camouflage shirt, but I couldn’t find one. 

2. Jill broke her finger today, but on the other hand she was completely fine. 

3. I try wearing tight jeans, but I can never pull it off. 

4. I don’t think I need a spine. It’s holding me back.  

5. I planned to find my watch today, but I didn’t have the time. 

6. You want to clone yourself? Now wouldn’t that be just like you! 

7. As the shoe said to the hat, ‘You go on ahead, and I’ll follow on foot’.  

8. Contacts are easy to lose, so keep your eyes on them. 

9. The crowd at the Cannibal’s party grew silent when he announced he would be serving finger foods. 

10. The ankle was an arch enemy of the heel because the heel had a sole that could 

neither toe the line nor keep instep.

11. A handlebar mustache may look ridiculous, but symmetrical eyelashes are even cilia. 

12. I tinted my hair today. It was the highlight of my day.

13. I always believed my body was a prison for me. I was right, in biology I learnt they were made of cells. 

14. I almost got my haircut then I thought I’d mullet over first. 

15. A no-fly zone prohibits zippers. 

16. Learning to walk in high heels will keep you on your toes. 

17. The testimony at the barbershop is mostly hair-say. 

18. Mooning is lunacy. 

19. I don’t know why my eyeglass lenses were steamed up. I was mystified. 

20. Masks have no face value!

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!     

 

DAILY QUOTES….    

“A new study has found that specially trained pigeons can have up to an 85 percent accuracy rate of detecting breast cancer in humans. Which means that 15 percent of the time it’s just a pigeon staring at your breasts.” -Seth Meyers

“There is a new website that allows parents to rent toys instead of buying them for Christmas. The website is perfect for parents who aren’t sure that they love their child.” -Conan O’Brien  

“I’d rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I hate.” –George Burns 

“Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and fall from the trees.” –David Letterman 

“Listening, not imitation, may be the sincerest form of flattery.” 

–Dr. Joyce Brothers 

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

A fifth generation farmer has determined that his son will be the first in their family to go to college. So he and the wife save every penny for years and when the big day comes for junior to leave for school, the old man is the proudest he’s ever been.

After the first semester junior comes home for Christmas break and the old man sits him down for a talk. “Well, boy, you been at school for three months now, I want you to tell me some of that fancy book learnin’.”

So junior says, “My favorite class is math, pa. Just last week we learned a new formula…Pi r squared.”

At hearing this the old man screws up his eyes and smacks his forehead, “Dog gone-it! I spent all that money on schooling and all you can tell me is Pi r squared? Why everybody knows pie are round…CORNBREAD are squared!”  

 

 

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “Your mama’s so dumb she got hit by a parked car.” 

Answer: Sister Act 2! Sister Mary Clarence (Whoopi) shows the music class up with little jab at Frank-ay. 

Friday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 Freeze. I said freeze.” 

 

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….

Inside each set of the following words, there are a pair of smaller words. By putting & between them, lo & behold, you’ll make a familiar phrase. For example, “Thighbone/Swallowtail” conceals “High & Low.”

1. Skyrocketing/Trolleyman 

2. Thermometer/Apoplexy 

3. Delaware/Bordering 

4. Surprised/Trashiness 

5. Throughout/Stumblebum  


ANSWER: 1. Rock & Roll  2. Mom & Pop   3. Law & Order   4. Rise & Shine   5. Rough & Tumble 

 

Friday’s Quizzler is……….

We are brave sailors always riding the sea

We are less than one hundred but as tough as can be

We sleep in three bunkers on top of each other

Our numbers double from one bunker to another

We dance in joy all through the night

In groups of fives under the moonlight

Last night twelve of us were swallowed by waves

Leaving alive more than two third of the braves

Still we continue the journey refusing to fail

So tell me how many of us are left to sail?

                                                  

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com.

 

Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Thursday, February 25, 2016.  

Amazing, but True (weird) Facts…………..

– Polar bears can eat as many as 86 penguins in a single sitting. 

– In the weightlessness of space a frozen pea will explode if it comes in contact with Pepsi. 

– Smearing a small amount of dog feces on an insect bite will relieve the itching and swelling. 

– The Boeing 747 is capable of flying upside-down if it weren’t for the fact that the wings would shear off when trying to roll it over. 

– The trucking company Elvis Presley worked at as a young man was owned by Frank Sinatra. 

– SCUBA divers cannot pass gas at depths of 33 feet or below. 

– Human saliva has a boiling point three times that of regular water. 

– The Venezuelan brown bat can detect and dodge individual raindrops in mid-flight, arriving safely back at his cave completely dry. 

– Never hold your nose and cover your mouth when sneezing, as it can blow out your eyeballs. 

– Every Labrador retriever dreams about bananas. 

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!     

 

DAILY QUOTES….    

 “Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.”  –Phyllis Diller 

“I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.”  –W. C. Fields 

“Laughter is an instant vacation.” –Milton Berle 

“We may go to the moon, but that’s not very far. The greatest distance 

we have to cover still lies within us.” –Charles de Gaulle 

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

An elephant was drinking out of a river one day, when he spotted a turtle asleep on a log. So, he ambled on over and kicked it clear across the river.

“What did you do that for?” Asked a passing giraffe.

“Because I recognized it as the same turtle that took a nip out of my trunk 53 years ago.”

“Wow, what a memory” commented the giraffe.

“Yes,” said the elephant, “turtle recall”.

 

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “I will bust you!”

Answer: Ready To Rumble! Near the end of the movie Gordie (David Arquette) becomes the tag team partner of Jimmy “The King.” Jimmy rechristens Gordie “The Law” because he is a state trooper. This is his catch-phrase. 

Thursday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Your mama’s so dumb she got hit by a parked car.”

 

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….

 Someone has stolen Beethoven’s Wig and has put it in one of four locked boxes. The boxes are numbered from 1,2,3,4 in that order. There are four different keys that each has their own color. Use the clues below to figure out which key goes in which box and to find the box where Beethoven’s wig is being kept. 

1. The green key goes to the third or fourth box

2. The wig is to the left of the fourth box

3. The wig is to the right of the first box

4. The yellow key is to the left of the wig

5. The blue key is to the right of the yellow key and to the left of the green key

6. The red key goes to the first box


ANSWER: The wig is in the third box

The red key goes to the first box

The yellow key goes to the second box

The blue key goes to the third box

The green key goes to the fourth box 

 

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….

Inside each set of the following words, there are a pair of smaller words. By putting & between them, lo & behold, you’ll make a familiar phrase. For example, “Thighbone/Swallowtail” conceals “High & Low.”

1. Skyrocketing/Trolleyman 

2. Thermometer/Apoplexy 

3. Delaware/Bordering 

4. Surprised/Trashiness 

5. Throughout/Stumblebum

                                                  

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com.

Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Tuesday, February 23, 2016.   

A man’s translations….

(These translations are for all of you wonderful women out there, so that you will know what we really mean when we say…)

“IT’S A GUY THING” Translated:* “There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical.”

“CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?” Translated:* “Why isn’t it already on the table?”

“UH HUH,” “SURE, HONEY,” OR “YES, DEAR” Translated:* Absolutely nothing. It’s a conditioned response.

“IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN” Translated:* “I have no idea how it works.”

“TAKE A BREAK, HONEY. YOU’RE WORKING TOO HARD.” Translated:* “I can’t hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.”

“THAT’S INTERESTING, DEAR.” Translated:* “Are you still talking?”

“YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS.” Translated:* “I remember the theme song to ‘F Troop,’ the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I’ve ever owned… but I forgot your birthday.”

“OH, DON’T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF. IT’S NO BIG DEAL.” Translated:* “I have actually severed a limb but will bleed to death before I admit that I’m hurt.”

“HEY, I’VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I’M DOING.” Translated:* “And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon.”

“I CAN’T FIND IT.” Translated:* “It didn’t fall into my outstretched hands, so I’m completely clueless.”

“WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?” Translated:* “What did you catch me at?”

“I’M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE.”  Translated:* “No one will ever see us alive again.”

“WE SHARE THE HOUSEWORK.” Translated:* “I make the messes; she cleans them up.” 

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!     

 

DAILY QUOTES….    

“I admit that I get angry in traffic when driving to work. But it’s pointless. It’s much better to bottle up that anger and then unleash it when you get to work.” -Craig Ferguson

“A new study found that our happiness peaks in our late 80s. Mainly because all the people who annoyed you are dead by then.” -Jimmy Fallon

“A study showed that every hour of TV you watch after the age of 25 shortens your life by 22 minutes. That doesn’t sound too bad to me. You’d probably watch TV with that 22 minutes anyway.” -Jimmy Kimmel  

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

A woman said to her friend, “I don’t know what to do. My husband is such a mess maker that you can’t imagine. He doesn’t put anything in its place, I am always going around the house organizing things.” 

The friend says, “Take a tip from me. The first week after we were married I told my husband firmly, ‘Every glass and plate that you take, wash when you are done and put back in its place.'” 

The first woman asked, “Did it help?” 

Her friend said, “I don’t know. I haven’t seen him since.”  

 

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???“You’re getting wet right?”    

Answer: Dirty Dancing! This is when Johnny realized he locked his keys in the car. He breaks the window to open the door. Baby watches all this in awe. As he is holding the door open for her he says this because they are standing in the rain.  

Tuesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “I will bust you!”

 

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

Inside each set of the following words, there are a pair of smaller words. By putting & between them, lo & behold, you’ll make a familiar phrase. For example, “Thighbone/Swallowtail” conceals “High & Low.”

1. Gulliver/Clearness

2. Tragicomedy/Pentagon

3. Chinchilla/Magdalene

4. Terrestrial/Ecoterrorist

5. Thundershower/Intellectual 


ANSWER: 1. Live & Learn

2. Come & Go

3. Hill & Dale

4. Trial & Error

5. Show & Tell 

 

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….

Someone has stolen Beethoven’s Wig and has put it in one of four locked boxes. The boxes are numbered from 1,2,3,4 in that order. There are four different keys that each has their own color. Use the clues below to figure out which key goes in which box and to find the box where Beethoven’s wig is being kept. 

1. The green key goes to the third or fourth box

2. The wig is to the left of the fourth box

3. The wig is to the right of the first box

4. The yellow key is to the left of the wig

5. The blue key is to the right of the yellow key and to the left of the green key

6. The red key goes to the first box

 

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS FOR SUPER SOLVING! 

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LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com.

 

Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Monday, February 22, 2016.   

On The Job Wisdom…

1. If you do a good job and work hard, you may get a job with a better company someday.

2. The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.

3. Sure, you may not like working here, but we pay your rent.

4. Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings — they did it by killing all those who opposed them.

5. A person who smiles in the face of adversity probably has a scapegoat.

6. If at first you don’t succeed–try management.

7. Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.

8. Never quit until you have another job.

9. Hang in there: Retirement is only 30 years away!

10. Go the extra mile–It makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker.

11. Pride, commitment, teamwork–words we use to get you to work for free.

12. Work: It isn’t just for sleeping anymore.

13. There are two kinds of people in life: people who like their jobs, and people who don’t work here anymore. 

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!     

 

DAILY QUOTES….    

 “A cellist in Oregon was arrested after police found over 100 pounds of marijuana in his car trunk. Thankfully, when they pulled him over, he didn’t resort to violins.” -Seth Meyers

“Valentine’s Day: the day women all around the world wait eagerly to discover the new and wonderful ways their husbands and boyfriends will disappoint them.” -Jimmy Kimmel 

“Two hundred cows recently died in a field in Wisconsin. Nobody knows the cause of death, but they suspect boredom.” -Conan O’Brien

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

Two older, successful businessmen met at a resort. One who had recently retired was describing his life, “I get up late in the morning, have a light breakfast and then I lie down on my veranda for a few hours and relax. 

In the afternoon I go inside for lunch, have a great salad, fruits and cold fish, then I spend the rest of the afternoon boating or playing golf or tennis… 

When it starts to get dark I have a great dinner with the finest wines. I smoke a Cuban cigar. Then I go lie on my veranda again.” 

The other gentleman acknowledges that this is a life to be envied. Later he reported the conversation to his wife. She asked, “What’s his wife’s name?” 

Her husband said, “I’m not sure, but I think it’s Veranda.” (Dork!) 

 

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  “I don’t know nuthin’ ’bout birthin’ no babies!”

Answer:  Gone With The Wind! Prissy (Butterfly McQueen) says this when Melanie goes into labor, 

and they can not get her to a hospital. 

Monday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “You’re getting wet right?”

 

Friday’s Quizzler is……….

Justin Case and Auntie Bellum are fellow con artists who deliver coded messages to each other to communicate. Recently Auntie Bellum was put in jail for stealing a rare and expensive diamond. Only a few days after this, Justin Case sent her a friendly letter asking her how she was. On the inside of the envelope of the letter, he hid a code. Yesterday, Auntie Bellum escaped and left the envelope and the letter inside the jail cell. The police did some research and found the code on the inside of the envelope, but they haven’t been able to crack it. Could you help the police find out what the message is?

This is the code:

llwatchawtfeclocklnisksundialcirbetimersool 


ANSWER: The message was “loose bricks in left wall.” The message was put backward with words related to time in between.

This is how the message looks when separated:

ll watch awtfe clock lnisk sundial cirbe timer sool

If you take out watch, clock, sundial, and timer, this is what is left:

llawtfelniskcirbesool

Look at this backwards and this is what you have:

loose bricks in left wall

Auntie Bellum took out the bricks and escaped in the night. Then, she put the bricks back where they were. 

 

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

Inside each set of the following words, there are a pair of smaller words. By putting & between them, lo & behold, you’ll make a familiar phrase. For example, “Thighbone/Swallowtail” conceals “High & Low.”

1. Gulliver/Clearness

2. Tragicomedy/Pentagon

3. Chinchilla/Magdalene

4. Terrestrial/Ecoterrorist

5. Thundershower/Intellectual

 

 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com.

 

Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Friday, February 19, 2016.   

Weekend Punography…..

1. With organic whiskey, one may attain the stupornatural. 

2. Have you read the book about teleportation? It’s bound to get you somewhere.  

3. Using fish for currency can achieve an economy of scale. 

4. The punctual zombie was undead on time. 

5. During the Christmas shopping season the department store staff became bow legged 

after wrapping hundreds of gifts. 

6. The scientist had trouble reducing the liquid, he just couldn’t concentrate. 

7. I am always sad when I go to the dentist, so I put on music and listen through my blue tooth headphones. 

8. You use a lumberjack when your tree is flat. 

9. Before becoming a philosopher, Kant worked quality control on a vineyard. His most famous book is ‘The Critique of Pure Raisin.’ 

10. I am really getting tired of sleeping jokes!

11. Where do witches bake their cookies? In a coven. 

12. The man’s pants zipper broke, but he fixed it on the fly. 

13. Why did the cyclist not win the race? He wasn’t pumped up.  

14. What do you call keys born on the same day? Twinkies! 

15. Tire stores are highway rubbery. 

16. When the gastroenterologist retired, he threw in the bowel. 

17. Geometry shapes my life! 

18. The astronaut decided to give the aliens some space. 

19. I recycle. I just bought a used Harley. 

20. Some Missouri home designers are Ozark-itects.  

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great day people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!     

 

DAILY QUOTES….    

“A prop phaser gun from the Star Trek TV show recently sold for $231,000 at an auction making it the most expensive thing you can point at someone right before they beat the crap out of you.” -Jimmy Fallon

“Teachers at nine universities are using a new technology that can tell if students are actually reading their textbooks. Let me save you some time. They’re not.” -Jimmy Kimmel

“A new study came out that shows that the germiest place in your kitchen is the refrigerator’s vegetable drawer. After hearing this, most Americans said, ‘We have a vegetable drawer?'” -Conan O’Brien   

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

No one is more cautious than a first-time parent. After our daughter was big enough to ride on the back of my bicycle, I bought a special carrier with a seat belt and got her a little helmet.

The day of the first ride I put her in the seat, double-checked all the equipment, wheeled the bike to the end of the driveway, carefully looked both ways and, swinging my leg up over the crossbar, accidentally kicked her right in the chin.  

 

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “All I know is the choices we make dictate the life we lead. To thine own self be true!” 

Answer:  Renaissance Man! Danny DeVito stars in this wickedly funny movie about a down on his luck advertising executive, who ends up teaching a band of army misfits. He learns a thing or two as well. 

Friday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “I don’t know nuthin’ ’bout birthin’ no babies!”

 

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….

Kemal and his parents are part of an expedition that is going to settle a new planet, called Pluvia Three. Kemal knows that at the colony site on the planet, the average temperature is 45 degrees Centigrade, average wind speeds are 8,000 meters per hour, the planet rotates on its axis 431 times for every time it goes around its sun, and each rotation takes a third longer than Earth’s. Rainfall is 254 centimeters per year, and gravity is about 78% of Earth’s. Kemal is allowed to pack any four items from this list of his favorite belongings.

down-filled parka 

battery-powered portable refrigerator 

Asian fighting kite 

baseball bat 

Mickey Mouse® calendar watch 

inflatable raft 

hockey skates 

book collection 

Which four items should Kemal pack? 

ANSWER: Kemal should pack his inflatable raft, refrigerator, baseball bat, and books.

45 degrees Centigrade = 113 degrees Fahrenheit 

8,000 meters per hour = 8 km per hour = 5 miles per hour 

431 revolutions (days) > 365 days in an Earth year 

254 cm = 100 in. of rainfall 

You can use an encyclopedia, the World Wide Web, or a call to your local weather station to get weather information for the place where you live. You will see that the Pluvia Three colony is very hot, not at all windy, and very wet.

Clearly, it is too warm for the parka or the hockey skates, and there is not enough wind to fly the kite. The Mickey Mouse® watch won’t be much use since the planet has a different calendar from Earth’s 365 days per year and 24 hours per day.

On the other hand, with all that rainfall, there must be lakes and seas where a raft would come in handy. Kemal would want to keep his snacks cool, so the refrigerator would be useful. It would be possible (and probably fun) to play baseball on a planet with lower gravity, although Kemal and his friends might want to make the diamond bigger than it would be on Earth because the ball will fly farther. Finally, you can read books anywhere. That’s one of the nice things about them.  

 

Friday’s Quizzler is……….

Justin Case and Auntie Bellum are fellow con artists who deliver coded messages to each other to communicate. Recently Auntie Bellum was put in jail for stealing a rare and expensive diamond. Only a few days after this, Justin Case sent her a friendly letter asking her how she was. On the inside of the envelope of the letter, he hid a code. Yesterday, Auntie Bellum escaped and left the envelope and the letter inside the jail cell. The police did some research and found the code on the inside of the envelope, but they haven’t been able to crack it. Could you help the police find out what the message is?

This is the code:

llwatchawtfeclocklnisksundialcirbetimersool

 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com.

 

Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Thursday, February 18, 2016.  

Travel Punography…..

1. I like European food so I decided to Russia over there because I was Hungary. After Czech’ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter ‘Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite’. 

2. England doesn’t have a kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool  

3. It is tough to do inventories in Afghanistan because of the tally ban. 

4. It’s a lengthy article on Japanese Sword Fighters but I can Samurais it for you. 

5. Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.  

6. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.  

7. Visitors to Cuba are usually Havana good time.  

8. The Irish should be rich because their capital is always Dublin.  

9. I would like to go to Holland one day, wooden shoe?  

10. Never make fun of a Scotsman’s traditional garb. You could get kilt that way.

11. Show me someone in denial and I’ll show you a person in Egypt up to their ankles.  

12. When I go to West Africa I’m Ghana make sure Togo to Mali and then I can say I’ve Benin Timbuktu. 

13. If you said you were from South America, I would not Bolivia.  

14. Italian building inspectors in Pisa are leanient.  

15. Things made in Australia are high koala-ty.  

16. Britain is a wet place since the queen has had a long reign.  

17. The incontinent Scotsman had a wee accident.  

18. In a Scandinavian race the last Lapp crossed the Finnish line.  

19. While in Mexico, the chinese diplomat got a ticket for going the Wong way on the Juan Way street.  

20. Did you know that donuts were first made in Greece? 

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!     

 

DAILY QUOTES….    

 “Valentine’s Day was yesterday. So, if I look like I didn’t get much sleep, it’s because the couch was really uncomfortable.” -Seth Meyers 

“I make my choice for president based on how well each candidate would handle an alien invasion.” -Jimmy Kimmel 

“The former president of Trader Joe’s is opening a store that sells only expired food. The new store will be known as 7-Eleven.” -Conan O’Brien 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

Millions of years ago, there was no such thing as the wheel. One day, some primitive guys were watching their wives drag a dead mastodon to the food & fire area. It was exhausting work; the guys were getting tired just watching.

Then they noticed some large, smooth, rounded boulders and they had a great idea! They could sit on top of the boulders and get a better view of their wives working.

This was the first in a series of breakthroughs that ultimately led to television…and later to the remote control.  

 

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “We ain’t robbing stagecoaches up in here.” 

Answer:  Set It Off! Said by Cleo, to Dre while negotiating guns for the bank robbery.

Thursday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “All I know is the choices we make dictate the life we lead. To thine own self be true!”

 

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….

Inside each set of the following words, there is a pair of smaller words. By putting & between them, lo & behold, you’ll make a familiar phrase. For example, “Thighbone/Swallowtail” conceals “High & Low.” 

1. Firecracker/Misconstruing 

2. Blockbuster/Doohickey 

3. Shunting/Bespeckled 

4. Proliferation/Climbable 

5. Heartstrings/Consciences 

ANSWER: 1. Rack & Ruin   2. Lock & Key    3. Hunt & Peck   4. Life & Limb   5. Arts & Sciences  

 

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….

Kemal and his parents are part of an expedition that is going to settle a new planet, called Pluvia Three. Kemal knows that at the colony site on the planet, the average temperature is 45 degrees Centigrade, average wind speeds are 8,000 meters per hour, the planet rotates on its axis 431 times for every time it goes around its sun, and each rotation takes a third longer than Earth’s. Rainfall is 254 centimeters per year, and gravity is about 78% of Earth’s. Kemal is allowed to pack any four items from this list of his favorite belongings.

down-filled parka 

battery-powered portable refrigerator 

Asian fighting kite 

baseball bat 

Mickey Mouse® calendar watch 

inflatable raft 

hockey skates 

book collection 

Which four items should Kemal pack?

 

                                                              

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS FOR SUPER SOLVING! 

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LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com.