WELCOME to Friday, January 15, 2016.
Friday’s Funny English Language……..
A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When I warned him about it, he reckoned he could stop any time…..
I went to the cemetery to lay flowers on a grave. I noticed four grave diggers walking about with a coffin. Three hours later, they were still walking about with it. I thought to myself, ‘They’ve lost the plot.’
At a cash point yesterday, a little old lady asked me to check her balance. Not being one to disappoint, I pushed the old dear over.
My son’s been asking for a pet spider for his birthday, so I went to our pet shop and they were $70 each. I can get one cheaper off the web.
Statistically, six out of seven dwarves are not happy.
Just heard there’s been an explosion at a pie factory in Huddersfield;3.1415927 dead.
Went to a friend’s house today. His wife was there with their new-born baby. She asked if I’d like to wind it. I thought that was a bit cruel, so I gave it a dead leg instead.
I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.
I got some new aftershave today that smells like breadcrumbs. The birds love it.
I was driving this morning when I saw an RAC van parked up. The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to Myself, ‘That guy’s heading for a breakdown.’
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful weekend people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home. – Bill Cosby
I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five. – Stephen Wright
Sanity may be madness but the maddest of all is to see life as it is and not as it should be. – Don Quixote Salvador Dali
I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally. – W. C. Fields
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
A holy man was having a conversation with the Lord one day and said, ‘Lord, I would like to know what Heaven and Hell are like.’Thought for the day
The Lord led the holy man to two doors. He opened one of the doors and the holy man looked in. In the middle of the room was a large round table. In the middle of the table was a large pot of stew, which smelled delicious and made the holy man’s mouth water.
The people sitting around the table were thin and sickly. They appeared to be famished. They were holding spoons with very long handles that were strapped to their arms and each found it possible to reach into the pot of stew and take a spoonful. But because the handle was longer than their arms, they could not get the spoons back into their mouths. The holy man shuddered at the sight of their misery and suffering.
The Lord said, ‘You have seen Hell.’Spoon feeding
They went to the next room and opened the door. It was exactly the same as the first one.
There was the large round table with the large pot of stew which made the holy man’s mouth water. The people were equipped with the same long-handled spoons, but here the people were well nourished and plump, laughing and talking.
The holy man said, ‘I don’t understand.’
‘It is simple,’ said the Lord. ‘It requires but one skill. You see they have learned to feed each other, while the greedy think only of themselves.’
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘If you get this next note wrong we’ll all “B-Flat”!’
Answer: The Goonies ! Mikey said this during the piano scene.
Friday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘That’s no moon, it’s a space station!
Translate each word group into a phonetic sound, and then string them all together to form the name of a body of water. For example: polar or grizzly, finger jewelry, not curved Translation… Bear, Ring, Straight Answer… Bering Strait
1. Vehicle, curved bone, to exist, not yang, to look at
2. Circle segment, bloodsucking arachnid, to be in debt, tibia
3. Cat sound, dreidel letter, 18-hole sport
4. Unaffiliated film, Japanese currency, interjection, to eschew
5. Helper, flightless South American bird, clock sound, programming language
ANSWER: 1. Car – Rib – Be – Yin – See == Caribbean Sea
2. Arc – Tick – Owe – Shin == Arctic Ocean
3. Purr – Shin – Golf == Persian Gulf
4. Indie – Yen – Oh! – Shun == Indian Ocean
5. Aid – Rhea – Tick – C == Adriatic Sea
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
My work is based on give and take
I can make a difference by a hand shake
The older I get the smaller I grow
And my best friend is my worst foe
What am I?
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/