Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

12079198_840057062758947_8950805137916678444_nWELCOME to Wednesday, January 13, 2016.   

Marriage One Liners………….

We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.

There are two times a man does’nt understand a woman, before marriage and after marriage!

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about his future until he gets a wife!

A man will pay $2.00 for a $1.00 item he wants. A woman will pay $1.00 for a $2.00 item she does not want!

Married man live longer than a single man, but married man are lot more willing to die!

A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the begining of a new argument.

Any married man should forget his mistakes because there is no use in remembering two people the same thing.

Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the “y” becomes silent.

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all!

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he does’nt. A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change and she does.

Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor’s Degree and the woman gets her Masters.

A husband said to his wife, “No, I don’t hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine.”

The honeymoon is over when the husband calls home to say he’ll be late for dinner and the answering machine says it is in the microwave.

A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?” And the father replied, “I don’t know, son, I’m still paying for it.”

A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.

A man who muttered a few words in the church, found himself married. A year later he muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced!

Marriage is like a mousetrap. Those on the outside are trying to get in. Those on the inside are trying to get out.

Marriage puts a ring on a woman’s finger and two under the man’s eyes.

Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.

Don’t marry for money, you can borrow it cheaper.

May you grow so rich your widow’s second husband never has to worry about a living. – God forbid.

Marriage is a romantic story, in which hero dies in the first chapter.”

Every man should get married some time; after all, happiness is not the only thing in life!!

A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free.

Love is holding hands in the street. Marriage is holding arguments in the street.

TV has no place in love. Marriage is a fight for remote control.

Love is dinner in your favorite restaurant. Marriage is a take home packet.

Love is talking about having children. Marriage is talking about getting away from children.

Love is cuddling on a sofa. Marriage is one of them sleeping on a sofa.

In love you go to bed early. After marriage, you go to sleep early.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!     

 

DAILY QUOTES….    

“Peace cannot be kept by force. It can only be achieved by understanding.”

-Albert Einstein

“Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” -Albert Einstein

“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving”

-Albert Einstein

“Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.” -Albert Einstein

“In order to form an immaculate member of a flock of sheep one must, above all, be a sheep.” -Albert Einstein

“The most incomprehensible thing about the world is that it is comprehensible.” -Albert Einstein

“Do not worry about your difficulties in mathematics, I can assure you that mine are all greater” -Albert Einstein

“Imagination is more important than knowledge. For knowledge is limited, whereas imagination embraces the entire world, stimulating progress, giving birth to evolution.” -Albert Einstein 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple’s house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.

The two elderly gentlemen were talking, and one said, “Last night we went out to a new restaurant, and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.”

The other man said, “What’s the name of the restaurant?”

The first man knits his brow in obvious concentration, and finally said to his companion, “Aahh, What is the name of that red flower you give to someone you love?

His friends replies, “A Carnation??”

“No. No. The other one” the man says.

His friend offers another suggestion, “The Poppy?”

“Nahhhh, growls the man. You know the one that is red and has thorns.”

His friend said, “Do you mean a rose?”

“Yes, Yes that’s it. Thank you!” the first man says.

He then turns toward the kitchen and yells, “Rose, what’s the name of that restaurant we went to last night?” 

 

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘It’s all in the reflexes.’  

Answer:  ‘Big Trouble In Little China’! Very underrated movie, Kurt Russell and Kim Cattrell star. Made me glad I didn’t have green eyes.

Wednesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘We might as well call prison and make reservations.’

 
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….

A part of the body is hidden in each of the following sentences. The first sentence contains “head.” Can you find the rest?

1. The ad is for Monday’s sale.

2. The tour group can go to either country.

3. My car makes funny noises sometimes.

4. Sarah and Tony are getting married.

5. That casino seems shady.

6. Can’t you see that Hank needs help?

7. The sea is so calm out here.

8. Would you like to go surfing, Erin?  

ANSWER: 1. head  2. toe  3. arm  4. hand  5. nose  6. knee  7. mouth  8. finger  

 

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….

A man hijacks an aeroplane transporting both passengers and valuable cargo. After taking the cargo, the man demands two parachutes, puts one of them on, and jumps, leaving the other behind. Why did he want two?

 
 

 

WEDNESDAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! GREAT WORK BANKS! 

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LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com.

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