Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

12118989_840057056092281_2953358676710113001_nWELCOME to Wednesday, January 6, 2016.     

Reality Based New Year Resolutions for Pets…………. 

15. I will not eat other animals’ poop.
14. I will not lick my human’s face after eating animal poop.
13. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I’m lying under the coffee table.
12. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
11. I will no longer be beholden to the sound of the can opener.
10. Cats: Circulate a petition that sleeping become a juried competition in major animal shows.
9. Come to understand that cats are from Venus; dogs are from Mars.
8. Take time from busy schedule to stop and smell the behinds.
7. Hamster: Don’t let them figure out I’m just a rat on steroids, or they’ll flush me!
6. Get a bite in on that freak who gives me that shot every year.
5. Grow opposable thumb; break into pantry; decide for MYSELF how much food is *too* much.
4. Cats: Use new living room sofa as scratching post.
3. January 1st: Kill the sock! Must kill the sock! January 2nd – December 31: Re-live victory over the sock.
2. The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.
AND the Number 1 New Year’s Resolutions Made by Pets…
1. I will NOT chase the stick until I see it LEAVE THE IDIOT’S HAND

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!     

 

DAILY QUOTES….    

“They used to photograph Shirley Temple through gauze. They should photograph me through linoleum.” –Tallulah Bankhead 

“I know a lot about cars. I can look at a car’s headlights and tell you exactly which way it’s coming.” –Mitch Hedberg 

“What you risk reveals what you value.” –Jeanette Winterson   

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

Father O’Grady was saying his goodbyes to the parishioners after his Sunday morning service as he always does when Mary Clancey came up to him in tears. “What’s bothering you so, dear?” inquired Farther O’Grady. “Oh, father, I’ve got terrible news,” replied Mary. “Well what is it, Mary?” “Well, my husband, passed away last night, Father.” “Oh, Mary” said the father, “that’s terrible. Tell me Mary, did he have any last requests?” “Well, yes he did father,” replied Mary. “What did he ask, Mary?” Mary replied, “He said, ‘Please, Mary, put down the gun…'”  Emoji

 

 

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘These are high school girls? We got some underage hotties on our hands here.’ 

Answer:  Never Been Kissed! Drew Barrymore, Michael Vartan, David Arquette, Molly Shannon and Lee Lee Sobiesky round out the wonderful cast. 

Wednesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘Well, I don’t need a magic 8 ball to look into your future.’

 
 

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….

The following riddle was originally printed in 1867 in “London Society”.

On six feet, I am a noxious drink,

Of whose effects you shudder to think.

Change only my second foot, and then

You convert me into a horrible den

Where the culprit, who gave the noxious drink,

Awaits the fate of which you shudder to think.   

ANSWER: poison/prison! “On six feet” means a six letter word. The first two lines refer to poison. The next two lines refer to prison. The last two refers to where “the culprit” who gave you the poison would go — prison. 

 

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….

If E times ILE equals BANISH, and TE times T equals BOOK, what does TO times IN equal?

A. BREATH

B. TEASER

C. RUTABAGA

D. POISON

E. COPPER

 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAY Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com.

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