Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

12144932_840057059425614_765013038492935563_nWELCOME to Tuesday, January 5, 2016.     

Puns for the day…. 

I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned: couldn’t concentrate.
I wanna make a joke about sodium, but Na..
What was Forrest Gump’s email password? “1forrest1”
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
I hate insects puns, they really bug me.
I’d tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn’t get a reaction.
A hole was found in the wall of a nudist camp. The police are looking into it.
If anything is possible, is it possible for something to be impossible?
What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.
Last time I got caught stealing a calendar I got 12 months.
What do sea monsters eat for lunch? Fish and ships.
Did you hear about the Italian chef with a terminal illness? He pastaway.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Tuesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!     

 

DAILY QUOTES….    

 “A company is working on a new selfie stick shaped like a human arm so users won’t look like they’re alone in pictures. Instead you’ll just look like a completely normal person who’s carrying around a severed human arm.” -Seth Meyers

“A new report says that dogs can sniff out prostate cancer with almost 98 percent accuracy. The report also finds that cats can sniff it out with 100 percent accuracy but they prefer to watch you die.” -Conan O’Brien

“A new survey found that a growing number of millennials want to work from home and get more time off. They would have said more, but they had to pick up their gold star for participating in that survey.” -Jimmy Fallon 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

 After a long day of shopping, my daughter and I stopped at a grocery store. I ran in to pick up a few things, leaving her in the car. As I approached the checkout I was surprised to see my daughter there waiting for me. 

“Honey,” I said, “what are you doing in here? I left the motor running.” 

“It’s all right, Mom,” she replied reassuringly. “I locked the doors.” Emoji

 

 

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘I don’t love her, she kicked me in the face. I hate her…don’t I?’ 

Answer: Willow! Val Kilmer before I even knew who he was. (Except for ‘Real Genius’ of course)  

Tuesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘These are high school girls? We got some underage hotties on our hands here.’

 
 

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

 Each of the clues make up a type of flower, for example “small container + to allow” would be “vial + let”, or “violet.”

Can you figure out these five?

1. an implement + flesh around mouth

2. foppish + a large carnivorous wildcat

3. to wed + a soft yellow element

4. a false statement + be deficient in

5. indicates an alternative + child    

ANSWER: 1. Tulip (tool + lip)

2. Dandelion (dandy + lion)

3. Marigold (marry + gold)

4. Lilac (lie + lack)

5. Orchid (or + kid) 

 

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….

The following riddle was originally printed in 1867 in “London Society”.

On six feet, I am a noxious drink,

Of whose effects you shudder to think.

Change only my second foot, and then

You convert me into a horrible den

Where the culprit, who gave the noxious drink,

Awaits the fate of which you shudder to think.

  

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS FOR SUPER SOLVING! 

 EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAY Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com.

 

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