WELCOME to Friday, January 29, 2016.
Punography for the weekend…
Addition in a dark Chinese restaurant is “dim sum”.
Old students never die, they just get degraded.
What do you call a woman who stands between two goal posts? Annette.
The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
When the electricity went off during a storm at a school the students were de-lighted. Acupuncture is a jab well done.
How can sea captains use amphibians? As froghorns.
Reading while sunbathing makes you, well, red.
What Disney movie is about the tall-tale-telling champ? The Lyin’ King
What’s a three-season bed? One without a spring.
What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall? Dam.
I thought becoming a candle maker, but I wasn’t sure wick end was up.
How do you change tires on a duck? With a quackerjack.
What do you get when you drop a piano down a mineshaft? A flat miner.
Where does McDonald’s get its burgers from? Macau.
When does a boat show affection? When it hugs the shore.
They arrested the Chrysler salesman and he couldn’t a-Ford bail.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
I used to be a teacher, but found I didn’t have enough class.
I tried looking for gold, but it didn’t pan out.
Long fairy tales have a tendency to dragon.
Old milkmaids never die, they just lose their whey.
What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
Every calendar’s days are numbered.
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it, too.
What did Godzilla say after eating a four-cylinder Datsun? “Gosh, I could have had a V-8!”
The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.
What did the toy store sign say? Don’t feed the animals. They are already stuffed.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr…………
“Use me, God. Show me how to take who I am, who I want to be, and what I can do, and use it for a purpose greater than myself.”
“Find a voice in a whisper.”
“We shall overcome.”
“Not everybody can be famous but everybody can be great because greatness is determined by service…You only need a heart full of grace and a soul generated by love.”
“You are not only responsible for what you say, but also for what you do not say.”
“If you can’t fly, run. If you can’t run, walk. If you can’t walk, crawl. But by all means, keep moving.”
“To be a Christian without prayer is no more possible than to be alive without breathing.”’
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
A journalist had done a story on gender roles in Kuwait several years before
the Gulf War, and she noted then that women customarily walked about 10 feet
behind their husbands. She returned to Kuwait recently and observed that the
men now walked several yards behind their wives.
She approached one of the women for an explanation. “This is marvelous,”
said the journalist. “What enabled women here to achieve this reversal of
roles?” Replied the Kuwaiti woman: “Land mines.”
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘These are the rules, listen carefully: No smoking, no drinking, no drugs. No sex. No cheating. No lying, no gambling, no matches.’
Answer: Outside Providence! Mr. Funderberk was telling Timothy the rules when he got to school. Tim replied by saying ‘No Stuff!’ And Mr. Funderbeck replied by saying ‘No swearing.’ This movie is awesome. It has Shawn Hatosy (Stan in ‘The Faculty’) and Alec Baldwin.
Friday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘If bachelorette number one isn’t out here in half a tick I’m gonna ice bachelorette number two, got it?’
What has the head of a horse, the tail of a monkey, eyes like a chameleon, and the pouch of a kangaroo?
ANSWER: A seahorse (male)
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
Replace each word or words in parentheses with a one-word synonym to decipher a common phrase.
1. (Similar to) (male parent), (relating to) (male child).
2. (Everything) that (sparkles) is not (Au).
3. (Awful) (information) (moves) (lickety-split).
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! NICE MOVES BANKS
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/