Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Monday, December 14, 2015. 

Witticisms………….

I started out with nothing…I still have most of it.

Some days you’re the dog, some days the hydrant.

I finally got my head together, now my body is falling apart.

Funny, I don’t remember being absent minded.

If all is not lost, where is it?

It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.

If at first you do succeed, try not to look too astonished.

The first rule of holes: If you are in one, stop digging.

I went to school to become a wit, only got halfway through.

It was all so different before everything changed.

Nostalgia isn’t what is used to be.

Old programmers never die. They just terminate and stay resident.

A day without sunshine is like a day in Seattle.

I wish the buck stopped here. I could use a few.

It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.

Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip round the sun.

The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you’re in the bathroom.

If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.

Lead me not into temptation (I can find the way myself).

If you’re living on the edge, make sure you’re wearing your seat belt.

An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.

It’s not hard to meet expenses…they’re everywhere.

Jury: Twelve people who determine which client has the better attorney.

Old people shouldn’t eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Friday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!     

 

DAILY QUOTES….    

“United Airlines announced they are bringing back free snacks for the first time since 2008. Unfortunately, the snacks are also from 2008.” -Conan O’Brien

“Russia is planning to build a base on the moon where astronauts will live permanently. When asked if they really wanted to spend the rest of their lives in a barren, lifeless landscape, the Russians said, ‘No, that’s why we want to go to the moon.'” -Jimmy Fallon

“A California man miraculously escaped unharmed when he went through two compaction cycles in a garbage truck after sleeping in a trash can. When asked how he’s doing, he said, ‘Not that great. I sleep in a trash can.'” -Seth Meyers

  

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

A businessman had a tiring day on the road. He checked into a hotel and, because he was concerned that the dining room might close soon, left his luggage at the front desk and went immediately to eat. 

After a leisurely dinner, he reclaimed his luggage and realized that he had forgotten his room number. He went back to the desk and told the clerk on duty, “My name is Henry Davis, can you please tell me what room I am in?”

“Certainly,” said the clerk. “You’re in the lobby.”  

 

 

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘You find me degenerate–or worse even, French.’    

Answer: Castle Keep! Don’t know the movie, but the quotation is cool.

Monday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???‘Picked up the dagger…runs down the hall!’

 

Friday’s Quizzler is……….

I can be as blue as the sky or have a white top. I roll through my world and crash into yours. I can be as gentle as a newborn puppy or as vicious as an angered bull, ripping through anything I find. I will topple anything you put in my way if I am strong enough.

What am I? 

ANSWER: A wave.  A wave can have what is called a white cap.  A wave will roll through the ocean and crash into the beach.  It can be a small wake or a roaring tsunami.  It can topple almost any boat.  

 

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

Can you decipher this phrase:

O_er_t_o_

 

 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com.

 

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