Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

12141547_840057176092269_5055864650312302363_nWELCOME to Thursday, December 31, 2015.     

Here’s the last story for this year……

Once upon a time, there were four people; Their names were Everybody, Somebody, Nobody and Anybody.
Whenever there was an important job to be done, Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it.
When Nobody did it, Everybody got angry because it was Everybody’s job.
Everybody thought that Somebody would do it, but Nobody realized that Nobody would do it.
So consequently Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done in the first place.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great New Years Eve people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!     

 

DAILY QUOTES….    

I was recently talking with a friend who bemoaned her family’s lack of holiday rituals. “My family doesn’t have any traditions,” she complained. “We just do the same thing year after year after year.” 

After browsing the restaurant menu, I had a question for the waitress. “About the salmon entree, is that a steak or a fillet?”  “Neither,” she said. “It’s a fish.”Emoji

The letters T and G are very close to each other on a key- board. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase “Regards” again. 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

 On our way to the ski hill, my friend’s children decided to “find me a man” by the end of the day.

The kids did their best to let it be known I was unmarried and to introduce me to anyone who was skiing alone and therefore, in their minds, single.

To my great relief they finally got bored with their mission and charged off on their own. I then made my way to the chair lift. As I moved near the front of the line, a gentleman close to my age said “Excuse me, but are you single?”

Groaning inwardly, I said, “Yes, but despite what you may have heard, I’m really not looking to get married.”

He looked at me oddly. “All I want is someone to share the chair lift with.” 

 

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘That needle goes anywhere near Wendall’s leg, I swear to God on my momma’s grave, I will rip your arms off and beat you to death with them.’ 

Answer: Varsity Blues! Hugely underrated.   

Thursday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘Dancing is just a conversation between two people. Talk to me.’

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….

 In this teaser, you have to find the odd ones out in the groups of words. BUT WAIT! There’s a catch. Each group of words has TWO words which do not belong. Can you find them both?

EXAMPLE: 

Lily – Jane – Tulip – Rose

Jane does not belong as it’s the only one which is not a flower.

Tulip also does not belong because it’s the only one which is not a girl’s name.

You’re on your own for the rest!

1. Aqua – Hazel – Willow – Cherry

2. Cat – Sword – Hamster – Dog

3. Prince – Double – Queen – King  

ANSWER: 1. Aqua does not belong as it’s the only one which is not a tree. Willow does not belong as it’s the only one which is not a colour. 

2. Sword does not belong as it’s the only one which is not a family pet. Hamster does not belong as it’s the only one which is not a type of fish. 

3. Double does not belong as it’s the only one which is not a person of royalty. Prince does not belong as it’s the only one which is not a bed size.  

 

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….

1-2-3-4-5-6

I am a 6 letter word.

Letters 6-5-2 spell out a drink.

Letters 4-5-2-3 spell out a fruit.

Letters 1-2-6 spell out a pet.

Letters 3-2-6 spell out a pest, which often gets eaten by 1-2-6.

What am I?

            

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER AWARD GOES TO OUR RESIDENT GENIUS, MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! NICE WORK BANKS, CU NEXT YEAR!  EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in NEXT  YEARS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com.

 

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Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

12141516_840057042758949_8579259849524989466_nWELCOME to Wednesday, December 30, 2015.     

Today’s Punography….. 

The person who invented the door knock won the No-bell prize.

When I get naked in the bathroom, the shower usually gets turned on.

I couldn’t work out how to fasten my seatbelt. Then it clicked.

Never trust atoms, they make up everything.

If Apple made a car, would it have Windows?

I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory.  All I did was take a day off.

To the guy who invented Zero: Thanks for nothing!

I have a few jokes about unemployed people, but it doesn’t matter none of them work

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth, then it just becomes a soap opera.

 

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!     

 

DAILY QUOTES….    

“Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.” –Groucho Marx 

“Misery no longer loves company. Nowadays it insists on it.” –Russell Baker 

“Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them.” –Bill Vaughan  

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

 He was an inventor of note. He created a big shoe with a phone in the heel. Now, he thought, he could use a phone whenever he wanted. He made several more so that he could have several shoes with phones in the house. One day, an emergency came up and he needed a phone bad. Would you believe it, he couldn’t find a single phone boot.  

 

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘We were looking for it.’

‘AAAHHH!” 

Answer: Monty Python and the Holy Grail! The Knights of Ni can’t hear the word ‘it’.  

Wednesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘That needle goes anywhere near Wendall’s leg, I swear to God on my momma’s grave, I will rip your arms off and beat you to death with them.’

 

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….

If I were to bleed from a wound or two,

You’d note in amazement, my blood is blue.

I’m found as a fossil in ancient stone,

Yet living today, I’m almost a clone.

My eyes will adjust a great many fold,

To see by the moonlight, who I can hold.

If I could tell my mate, I would say it is true,

These wonderful eyes are only for you.

I’m one of the last to die from pollution,

A living exception to evolution.    

ANSWER: A horseshoe crab. As an adult, some may reach about 20 inches and if wounded indeed their blood is copper based and blue unlike most other blood. The Horseshoe crabs that swim ashore each year to mate are almost exactly the same as those found in the fossil record dating back an estimated 300 million years or more according to scientists. That’s 100 million years before the dinosaurs!  Studies of their unusual eyes have shown that they become much more receptive at night regulated by their own internal clock. One article even stated a million times more receptive! Even studied for years in total darkness, the eyes continue to adjust back and forth for night and day. Since they locate food primarily by chemical scent, the only useful purpose for the amazing eyes seems to be their use to locate mates during their short breeding cycle. Hence, they could honestly tell their mate (if they could speak) “I only have eyes for you.” 

Very hardy, they are almost impervious to pollution and are often the last living creatures in polluted bays. Staying unchanged over millions of years makes this creature an enigma to evolutionists who must try to explain why they did not evolve or change over such a long period. Not really closely related to a crab, these creatures are more like spiders and scorpions.

The hint? .. the shoe you probably got, and beauty refers to the classical horse adventure story “Black Beauty”. 

 

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….

In this teaser, you have to find the odd ones out in the groups of words. BUT WAIT! There’s a catch. Each group of words has TWO words which do not belong. Can you find them both?

EXAMPLE: 

Lily – Jane – Tulip – Rose

Jane does not belong as it’s the only one which is not a flower.

Tulip also does not belong because it’s the only one which is not a girl’s name.

You’re on your own for the rest!

1. Aqua – Hazel – Willow – Cherry

2. Cat – Sword – Hamster – Dog

3. Prince – Double – Queen – King

 

            

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com.

 

Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Tuesday, December 29, 2015.     

THE DRAWBACKS OF WORKING IN A CUBICLE…………….

* Not being able to check E-mail attachments without first seeing who’s behind you. 

* Fabric walls offer little protection from gunfire. 

* The walls are too close together for the hammock to work right. 

* Prison cells are not only bigger, they have beds. 

* When you quit and walk out, there’s no door to slam. 

* Being told to “think outside the box” when you’re in a freakin’ box all day long. 

* 23 power cords – 1 outlet. 

* The carpet has been there since 1976 (or older) and shows more signs of life than your coworkers. 

* If you talk to yourself it causes all the surrounding cubicle inhabitants to pop their heads over the wall and say, “What? I didn’t hear you.” 

* You always have the feeling that someone is watching you, but by the time you turn to look they’re gone. 

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!     

 

DAILY QUOTES….    

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. – Mark Twain  

The journey to happiness involves finding the courage to go down into ourselves and take responsibility for what’s there: all of it. – Richard Rohr 

By learning you will teach; by teaching you will understand. – Latin Proverb

Age considers; youth ventures. – Rabindranath Tagore

One moment of patience may ward off great disaster.  One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life. – Chinese Proverb Cracked Pot

Peace: It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart. – Author unknown

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

 We had just finished eating a beautiful dinner that my mother had prepared for our family. As I glanced up at the chandelier over the table, I was mesmerized by the creative handiwork a spider had woven around the prisms and light bulbs. “Don’t look up there!” my mother screamed. “It’s the one thing I was too tired to clean!” 

“Don’t look where?” my brother asked. 

“There!” my mother pointed. “It’s my own personal web sight!”  

 

 

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘It’s a revolution, darn it! We have to offend somebody!’ 

Answer:  1776: The Movie. It was a play in the ’60s, but became a movie in the ’70s.

Tuesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘We were looking for it.’

‘AAAHHH!’

 

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

Below is a (very) short story with 10 capitalized words or phrases which are anagrams of words that all fit in a certain category. Can you find the anagrams and determine the category?

NOTE: One of the answers contains two words.

A recently PAROLED man named Ari was going to ROB A PEARL boat of all of its FIG FARE. The boat was just off of the SHORE. He put on his BALM and donned his TOGA to SNEAK aboard. ARI GOT ALL of the NEAT HELP he needed from a safety pin that kept his toga IN PLACE.   

ANSWER: LEOPARD, POLAR BEAR, GIRAFFE, HORSE, LAMB, GOAT, SNAKE, ALLIGATOR, ELEPHANT, PELICAN

Category: Animals 

 

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….

If I were to bleed from a wound or two,

You’d note in amazement, my blood is blue.

I’m found as a fossil in ancient stone,

Yet living today, I’m almost a clone.

My eyes will adjust a great many fold,

To see by the moonlight, who I can hold.

If I could tell my mate, I would say it is true,

These wonderful eyes are only for you.

I’m one of the last to die from pollution,

A living exception to evolution.

 

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! GENIUS WORK BANKS! 

EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji               

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com.

 

Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

AAepdjEWELCOME to Monday, December 28, 2015.     

Here’s the story……. 

It was the day after Christmas at a church in San Francisco. The pastor of the church was looking over the cradle when he noticed that the baby Jesus was missing from among the figures. Immediately he turned and went outside and saw a little boy with a red wagon, and in the wagon was the figure of the little infant, Jesus. 

So he walked up to the boy and said, “Well, where did you get Him, my little friend?” 

The little boy replied, “I got him from the church.” 

“And why did you take him?” 

The boy said, “Well, about a week before Christmas I prayed to the little Lord Jesus and I told him if he would bring me a red wagon for Christmas I would give him a ride around the block in it.”

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!     

 

DAILY QUOTES….    

“Scientists are saying that an asteroid over a mile wide is going to pass by Earth on Christmas Eve, but they say it PROBABLY won’t hit the Earth. Then the scientists were like, ‘Anyway, happy holidays, everyone!'” -Jimmy Fallon

“Christmas is that magical time of the year when we’re forced to spend money we don’t want to spend to travel to places we don’t want to go to see the people we really don’t want to see.” -Jimmy Kimmel 

 “A new poll revealed that 44 percent of Americans think Santa is a Democrat and 28 percent believe he is a Republican. And the other 28 percent said to please stop bothering me with stupid questions.” -Jimmy Kimmel

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

I wondered if I could get my husband to address Christmas cards, as I had so much to do. I arranged everything we needed, then hopefully pulled up a chair and said, “Come on, Dear, let’s get these out of the way.” 

He glanced at the array on the table, turned away and went into the den, only to return moments later with a high stack of cards, stamped, sealed, and addressed. 

“They’re last year’s,” he said. “I forgot to mail them. Now let’s go out to dinner and relax.”  

 

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘Run, florest, run!’  

Answer: Mafia! A movie making fun of the ‘Godfather’ (parts I, II and III).  

Monday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘It’s a revolution, darn it! We have to offend somebody!’

 

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….

Can you decipher this:

issues
issues
issues
issues
issues
issues
issues
issues
issues

issues   

ANSWER: Tennis shoes.  

 

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

Below is a (very) short story with 10 capitalized words or phrases which are anagrams of words that all fit in a certain category. Can you find the anagrams and determine the category?

NOTE: One of the answers contains two words.

A recently PAROLED man named Ari was going to ROB A PEARL boat of all of its FIG FARE. The boat was just off of the SHORE. He put on his BALM and donned his TOGA to SNEAK aboard. ARI GOT ALL of the NEAT HELP he needed from a safety pin that kept his toga IN PLACE. 

 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com.

 

Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

c664b6a0691bdebec079fab8204403ac

WELCOME to Wednesday, December 23, 2015.   

The Little Rules of Life…

Sing in the shower.

Treat everyone you meet like you want to be treated.

Watch a sunrise at least once a year.

Leave the toilet seat in the down position.

Never refuse homemade brownies.

Strive for excellence, not perfection.

Plant a tree on your birthday.

Learn 3 clean jokes.

Return borrowed vehicles with the gas tank full.

Compliment 3 people every day.

Never waste an opportunity to tell someone you love them.

Leave everything a little better than you found it.

Keep it simple.

Think big thoughts but relish small pleasures.

Become the most positive and enthusiastic person you know.

Floss your teeth.

Ask for a raise when you think you’ve earned it.

Overtip breakfast waitresses.

Be forgiving of yourself and others.

Say, “Thank you” a lot.

Say, “Please” a lot.

Avoid negative people.

Buy whatever kids are selling on card tables in their front yards.

Wear polished shoes.

Remember other people’s birthdays.

Commit yourself to constant improvement.

Carry jumper cables in your truck.

Have a firm handshake.

Send lots of Valentine cards.

Sign them, “Someone who thinks you’re terrific.”

Look people in the eye.

Be the first to say hello. 

Use the good silver.

Return all things you borrow.

Make new friends, but cherish the old ones.

Keep a few secrets.

Sing in a choir.

Plant flowers every spring.

Have a dog. (Or cat)

Always accept an outstretched hand.

Stop blaming others.

Take responsibility for every area of your life.

Wave at kids on school buses.

Be there when people need you.

Feed a stranger’s expired parking meter.

Don’t expect life to be fair.

Never underestimate the power of love.

Drink champagne for no reason at all.

Live your life as an exclamation, not an explanation.

Don’t be afraid to say, “I made a mistake.”

Don’t be afraid to say, “I don’t know.”

Compliment even small improvements.

Keep your promises no matter what.

Marry for love.

Rekindle old friendships.

Count your blessings.

Call your mother. 

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!     

 

DAILY QUOTES….    

“An idea is salvation by imagination.”  –Frank Lloyd Wright 

“[Water is] the only drink for a wise man.” –Henry David Thoreau 

“Beautiful young people are accidents of nature, but beautiful old people are works of art.” –Eleanor Roosevelt    

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

The day’s lesson in Mr Thomas’s kindergarten class was numbers. He wrote a “1” on the board.

“Who knows what number this is?” he said. Several hands went up.

“Michael?” he said.

“That’s a “1,” Michael replied.

“Very Good. And who knows what comes after 1?” Fewer hands went up.

“Margaret?” Margaret replied “2.”

“Very good. And what comes after 2?” Only a couple hands were raised. “Yvonne?”

“3,” Yvonne replied. “Very Good,” said Mr Thomas.

“Now, what comes after 3?” she continued. Only Pat’s hand was raised. “Pat?”

“4 comes after 3!” she said, enthusiastically.

“Very good.” Mr Thomas replied. Pat continued, “And after that comes 5, 6 and 7.”

“That’s right. Very good, Pat!”

“And after that, 8, 9 and 10!”

“Impressive!” said Mr Thomas. “Where did you learn your numbers?”

“My father taught me,” Pat answered.

“Well, you have a very caring and attentive father,” Mr Thomas said.

“Yes, he’s the best!” was Pat’s reply.

“Did he teach you what comes after 10?”

“Yes,” Pat said. “Jack, Queen, King and Ace.”  

 

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘Let’s lollygaggin’ get the lollygaggin’ outta here!’  

Answer:  In the Army Now! Another Pauly Shore quote.

Thursday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘Run, florest, run!’ 

 

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….

Find the synonymous word for each word in the following pair. For each pair, the words you find should rhyme with each other, the first word being an adjective and the second a noun. Some of these are easy, others are more challenging. Good luck!

For example: angry father= mad dad

sneaky insect

humorous rabbit

happy boy

muscular tune

close fright    

ANSWER: sneaky insect= sly fly

humorous rabbit= funny bunny

happy boy= glad lad

muscular tune= strong song

close fright= near fear 

 

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….

Can you decipher this:

issues
issues
issues
issues
issues
issues
issues
issues
issues
issues

 

 

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com.

Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Tuesday, December 22, 2015.       

Holiday Eating Tips…….

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they’re serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it’s rare. In fact, it’s even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can’t find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that has 10,000 calories in every sip? It’s not as if you’re going to turn into an eggnog-aholic or something. It’s a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It’s later than you think. It’s Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That’s the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they’re made with skim milk or whole milk. If it’s skim, pass. Why bother? It’s like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people’s food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year’s. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you’ll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don’t budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They’re like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you’re never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or, if you don’t like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it’s loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don’t feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven’t been paying attention.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!     

 

DAILY QUOTES….    

“A London architect has come up with a concept for a floating hotel that is self-sustaining and could potentially move around the world. Great job, architect. You just invented the cruise ship.” -Seth Meyers

“A new study shows that elected leaders don’t live as long as their defeated opponents. So if there’s a candidate you really don’t like, vote for them.” -Stephen Colbert

“Researchers at the Center for Tobacco Control at Scotland University are working on an invention: Talking packs of cigarettes that warn smokers about the side effects of tobacco. I don’t know; that actually might make me START smoking.” -Jimmy Kimmel 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

One friend complained to another, “All my husband and I do anymore is fight. I’ve been so upset, I’ve lost 20 pounds.” 

“If it’s that bad, why don’t you just leave him?” asked the second friend. 

“I’m seriously considering it, but I’d like to lose another 15 pounds first.”Emoji 

 

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘I don’t know what that is but I’ll lick it anyway!’   

Answer: Scary Movie 2! Hanson said this when he licks the turkey.  

Tuesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???  ‘Let’s lollygaggin’ get the lollygaggin’ outta here!’ 

 

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

Find the synonymous word for each word in the following pair. For each pair, the words you find should rhyme with each other, the first word being an adjective and the second a noun. Some of these are easy, others are more challenging. Good luck!

For example: angry father= mad dad

Depressed circus entertainer 

Not living center of a pencil 

Cool film

Not soft protector  

ANSWER: Depressed circus entertainer =Down Clown

Not living center of a pencil = Dead Lead

Cool film= Groovy Movie

Not soft protector= Hard Guard 

 

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….

Find the synonymous word for each word in the following pair. For each pair, the words you find should rhyme with each other, the first word being an adjective and the second a noun. Some of these are easy, others are more challenging. Good luck!

For example: angry father= mad dad

sneaky insect

humorous rabbit

happy boy

muscular tune

close fright

 

 

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com.

Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Monday, December 21, 2015.     

Motivational Thoughts for the Day……….  

Man’s commonest fault is not knowing what he doesn’t know.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

Everyone should have a spouse, because there are a number of things that go wrong that one can’t blame on the government.

Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.

If you can’t be a good example, then you’ll just have to serve as a horrible warning.

Life is an endless struggle full of frustrations and challenges, but eventually you find a hair stylist you like.

One of the life’s mysteries is how a two pound box of candy can make a person gain five pounds.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!     

 

DAILY QUOTES….    

“There are only a few days left until Christmas. I tell you, it’s really amazing how popular baby Jesus was able to become without his mother posting a single picture of him on Facebook.” -Jimmy Kimmel

“They’re saying that this could be one of the warmest Christmases in 30 years. Last Christmas, Santa made a list of who’s naughty or nice. This Christmas, Santa made a list of who has central air and who doesn’t.” -Jimmy Fallon

“There’s a new Internet start-up called Swanluv that will give you $10,000 to help pay for your wedding. However, if you get divorced, you must pay the money back, plus interest. I think this company is underestimating a couple’s ability to stay in a terrible relationship. I once didn’t break up with a woman for two years because she owned a washer/dryer combo.” -James Corden  

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

A lady is having a bad day at the roulette tables in Vegas. She’s down to her last $50. Exasperated, she exclaims, “What rotten luck I’ve had today! What in the world should I do now?” 

A man standing next to her suggests, “I don’t know… why don’t you play your age?” 

He walks away. Moments later, his attention is grabbed by a great commotion at the roulette table. Maybe she won! He rushes back to the table and pushes his way through the crowd. The lady is lying limp on the floor, with the table operator kneeling over her. The man is stunned. He asks, “What happened? Is she all right?” 

The operator replies, “I don’t know. She put all her money on 29, and 36 came up. Then she just fainted!”Emoji 

 

 

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  ‘Old McWalter had a farm, E-I-E-I-O!’ 

Answer: Son-in-Law! After a day of hard work, Crawl tried being a farmer and said this. 

Monday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???  ‘I don’t know what that is but I’ll lick it anyway!’

 

Friday’s Quizzler is……….

I am where the sky is orange;

I am where the grass is red;

I am the land of violet bananas

and the home to blue oranges.

What am I?   

ANSWER: I am a film negative.

On a negative, everything is its complementary color (red and green complement each other, as do yellow and violet, and blue and orange)  

 

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

Find the synonymous word for each word in the following pair. For each pair, the words you find should rhyme with each other, the first word being an adjective and the second a noun. Some of these are easy, others are more challenging. Good luck!

For example: angry father= mad dad

Depressed circus entertainer 

Not living center of a pencil 

Cool film

Not soft protector

 

 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com.