Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Tuesday, November 17, 2015.   

Funny Metaphors…….

The toddlers looked at each other as if they had just been told their mutual funds had taken a complete nosedive.

She was a couch potato in the gravy boat of life, flopping dejectedly on the sofa.

It will take a big tractor to plow the fertile fields of his mind.

Suddenly, she was pinned by the spotlight, a struggling fish caught in a spider’s web

All at once he was alone in this noisy hive with no place to roost.

The beautiful child was the center of attention, with his golden curls and tuna fish complexion.

There is no difference between a forced bachelor and an involuntarily herbivorous lion.

Do you have to ape Peter Pan in every aspect of your life?

A colony of E.coli growing on room temperature Canadian beef could not match their affection for each other.

Standing at the corner cubicle, suddenly the two of them heard a growing sound of barely hushed giggles. At the root of it was the little girl who called them the twin towers of the office.

Her face was a perfect oval with two sides of a circle gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

Underpants in a dryer and thoughts in his head displayed the same degree of making and breaking alliances.

The revelation of infidelity in a 30 years marriage and surcharge at a formerly surcharge 

free ATM can be equally shocking.

Even in his last years, Granddad had a steel trap mind, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

Her eyes were limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH cleanser. 

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday and whatever you do,  

don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!    

 

 

DAILY QUOTES….    

“Apple announced a plan to create 1,000 new jobs in Ireland. Irish people were excited, until Apple told them, ‘It’s a Genius Bar, not a Guinness Bar.'” -Conan O’Brien

“We all know being an adult is hard. When you were a kid, having your mom around made things a lot easier. Which is why one woman in Brooklyn is offering her services for $40 an hour as a rent-a-mom – sewing buttons on your shirts, baking your favorite dessert, and calling you at 6 a.m. on a Saturday because she can’t remember how to set the DVR. It’s got to be uncomfortable when your real mom notices all your shirts are ironed and your bed is made and goes, ‘Wait a minute…have you been seeing other moms?'” -James Corden

“Walmart will be open at 6 p.m. on Thanksgiving this year, as will most of the major retailers. And let’s be honest, the truth is we don’t really want to shop on Thanksgiving. We just want an excuse to get away from our families immediately after the pie.” -Jimmy Kimmel  

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

Heading down the interstate, our car passed through a huge swarm of gnats so dense that their bodies made popping noises as they hit the windshield. “I can’t get over how loud they are,” my wife said. 

“Well, we are hitting them at 65 miles an hour,” I pointed out. 

Her reply left me speechless. “There’s no way bugs can fly that fast!” Emoji

 

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘Why don’t we just wait here for a while… see what happens.’

Answer:   The Thing! A classic science fiction movie.

Tuesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘I’m not into politics. I’m into survival.’

 

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

My first is double twenty-one but twice of twenty-two,

Decipher it and you will see that statement is quite true.

My next two are just three apart, or, looking at the link,

You’ll have the answer easily and will not have to think.

My fourth is so more ways than one, so long as you can spell,

While my fifth splits first and second, so what is it? Can you tell?

It may seem like these words of rhyme are nonsense things to say,

Though the five together are right here (two ways) so what are they? 

 

ANSWER: The answer that you seek to find, in words, is now shown here,

To understand the clues read on, I’ll try to make it clear.

The twenty-first of letters is U in the alphabet,

Double it, W is the letter you would then get.

Now the twenty-second letter of the alphabet is V,

When written twice together a W it could be.

I hope I’ve explained the clues to give W as letter one,

Now let’s move on, there’s four more letters to be done.

The second and third letters are three from each other,

But to scour the alphabet to find them, you needn’t bother.

If you were looking carefully you’d have seen in the third line,

The linking word, OR, fits this criteria just fine.

This makes the second O, and R would be the third,

Which gives us W, O and R as letters of this word.

The fourth letter in the alphabet is fourth in the answer too,

Which makes the fourth one D, only one more left to do!

Finally the fifth lies between the first and second,

In the alphabet, S splits W and O, that’s what I reckoned.

Combine the five, see that they’ve been used here a lot?

And in the seventh line, sixth word, the answer even got a spot!

So now you know the answer and those clues are less absurd,

It’s amazing what you can do with a word, oops, I mean WORDS! 

 

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….

A young boy went to a Catholic school. During school he started goofing around, so the teacher called him out and sent him to the Pastor. Since this was a traditional school the boy would be spanked, but the Pastor believed in giving people a chance. He said, “If you can ask me a question about something you learned and I don’t know the answer on the spot you will go free.” 

The boy may have been lazy, but he was very witty. He asked, “What is it that you can see and I can see, usually every day, but God cannot see.” The Pastor stood there, stumped. He couldn’t figure it out because he strongly believed that God sees and knows all, and that there is only one God. The boy smiled and told him.

What was it?

 
 
 

 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ 

 

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com.

 

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