Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

mother_mouth

WELCOME to Monday, October 30, 2015.   

No wonder the English language is so very difficult to learn:

We polish the Polish furniture.

He could lead if he would get the lead out.

A farm can produce produce.

The dump was so full it had to refuse refuse.

The soldier decided to desert in the desert.

The present is a good time to present the present to the President.

At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head of a bass drum.

The dove dove into the bushes.

I did not object to the object.

The insurance for the invalid was invalid.

The bandage was wound around the wound.

There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

They were too close to the door to close it.

The buck does funny things when the does are present.

They sent a sewer down to stitch the tear in the sewer line.

To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

After a number of Novocaine injections, my jaw got number.

I shed a tear when I saw the tear in my clothes.

I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

I spent last evening evening out a pile of dirt.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday and whatever you do,  

don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!    

 

 

DAILY QUOTES….    

“I miss the days when Halloween was a simple holiday about making ritual sacrifices to evil spirits to ensure a plentiful harvest.” -Jimmy Kimmel

“I love it when people dress up their dogs in Halloween costumes. But I don’t like it when I tell someone how cute their dog looks, and they’re like ‘Hey, that’s my child.'” -Jimmy Fallon

“I don’t have a lot of experience with vampires, but I have hunted werewolves. I shot one once, but by the time I got to it, it had turned back into my neighbor’s dog.” -Dwight Schrute, The Office 

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

You’ve all heard of the Air Force’s ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as “Area 51?” 

Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their “secret” base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room. 

The pilot’s story was that he took off from Vegas, got lost, and spotted the Base just as he was about to run out of fuel. The Air Force started a full FBI background check on the pilot and held him overnight during the investigation. 

By the next day, they were finally convinced that the pilot really was lost and wasn’t a spy. They gassed up his airplane, gave him a terrifying “you-did-not-see-a-base” briefing, told him Vegas was that-a-way and sent him on his way. 

The next day, to the total disbelief of the Air Force, the same Cessna showed up again. Once again, the MP’s surrounded the plane…only this time there were two people in the plane. 

The same pilot jumped out and said, “Do anything you want to me, but my wife is in the plane and you have to tell her where I was last night.”  

 

 

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  “There are two guys carrying a coffin out there.”

Answer: Fright Night! While Amy is sitting on the bed waiting for Charley to come to her, he gets side-tracked by what looks like a coffin being carried into the house next door.

Monday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “We’ve been forgiven.”

 

Friday’s Quizzler is……….

Use the syllables in the sylalist to complete the clues below. Each clue gives how many syllables the answer of it has. Can you complete every question?

Sylalist: al, ag, er, ful, ga, hope, ig, im, ine, ize, loo, rand, re, rus, sa, wal

1. Arctic marine mammal (2)

2. Eskimo Home (2)

3. Optimistic (2)

4. Understand Clearly (3)

5. Chore (2)

6. Suppose (3)

7. Long Narrative (2)   

ANSWER: 1. Walrus (wal rus)  2. Igloo (ig loo)  3. Hopeful (hope ful)  4. Realize (re al ize)  5. Errand (er rand)

6. Imagine (im ag ine)  7. Saga (sa ga)

 

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

What is the meaning of this rebus?

ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQUSTRVWXYZ

 

 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com.

 

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