Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏

dogtiredWELCOME to Monday, November 30, 2015.     

Ponderings after thanksgiving….

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.

Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.

For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

No one is listening until you make a mistake.

Two wrongs are only the beginning.

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you’ll have to catch up.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

A fool and his money are soon partying.

Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it’s the scenic route.

It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.

It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats.

Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.

 

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday and whatever you do,  

don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!     

 

DAILY QUOTES….    

“A new poll found that 54 percent of Americans say it’s too early to be playing Christmas music. I couldn’t agree more. Now let’s talk about the 2016 presidential race.” -Seth Meyers

“The good people at Butterball have been running a toll-free hotline for turkey-cooking tips since 1981. Every year the turkey talk line receives more than 100,000 phone calls, but sadly, they have not once been able to save a turkey’s life.” -Stephen Colbert

“For the first time in 32 years, Butterball is adding male staffers to their Thanksgiving turkey talk line, the phone number you can call if you are having trouble cooking your turkey. One of the guys just yells questions to his wife in the other room.” -Jimmy Kimmel 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

My family traditionally begins the evening meal with a prayer of thanks. When they were old enough, we began letting our children say the meal prayer. Of course at first they would ask for a pony, a new bike, etc. They soon learned the more important things which should be included in the prayer. 

At Thanksgiving we had the whole family over. My nine year old wanted to say the prayer. It went like this: “Heavenly Father, we thank Thee for the turkey, the rolls, the mashed potatoes, the red jiggly stuff, and the bread stuff even though I don’t like it. We ask that You not let us choke on this food.” 

  

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  ‘My girlfriend still doesn’t know why her sweaters are always stretched out.’

Answer: Ed Wood! A great movie, with a great cast.

Monday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘You know there’s nothing to steal from my mom and Craig!’

 

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….

Which is the odd one out?

Boundaries

Cancerous

Librarian

Scorpions

Chameleon

Keyboards  

ANSWER: “Keyboards”. All the other words contain names from the 12 signs of the zodiac: bound-Aries, Cancer-ous, Libra-rian, Scorpio-ns, chame-Leo-n 

 

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

Unscramble these four word jumbles and use the instructions given below them to form the name of a country which is a jumble of those letters.

1. KERWC. Take the 1st and 2nd letter.

2. LZEA. Take the 1st, 2nd and the 4th letter.

3. KURNT. Take the 1st and the 4th letter.

4. IASB. Take the 2nd and 3rd letter.

5. SUKD. Take the 1st and 3rd letter.

 
                         

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ 

 

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com.

  

Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏

Funny-Pictures-31WELCOME to Wednesday, November 25, 2015.     

A List of Collective Nouns..

An absence of professors 

An aggregate of geologists 

An ambush of tigers

An army of frogs

An asylum of programmers 

A blessing of unicorns

A bloat of bureaucrats 

A brace of orthodontists 

A circus of monkeys 

A clowder of cats

A clutch of mechanics 

A complex of psychiatrists  

A crash of rhinoceroses

A corps of morticians 

A dilation of pupils  

A flush of plumbers     

A flutter of cardiologists  

A gaze of raccoons

A horde of savers 

An indifference of waitresses    

A labour of moles

A lot of second-hand car dealers 

A murder of crows

A nucleus of physicists 

A raffle of turkeys

A rake of mules

A tribe of goats

A thirst of Irish

An unkindness of ravens

A wake of buzzards

A walk of snails

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thanksgiving holiday and whatever you do,  

don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!    

 

 

DAILY QUOTES….    

Thanksgiving, after all, is a word of action. – Thanksgiving Quote by W. J. Cameron

Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence. – Thanksgiving Quote by Erma Bombeck  

  

Pride slays thanksgiving, but an humble mind is the soil out of which thanks naturally grow. A proud man is seldom a grateful man, for he never thinks he gets as much as he deserves. – Thanksgiving Quote by Henry Ward Beecher

Thanksgiving Day comes, by statute, once a year; to the honest man it comes as frequently as the heart of gratitude will allow. – Thanksgiving Quote by Edward Sandford Martin

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

A turkey farmer was always experimenting with breeding to perfect a better turkey. His family was fond of the leg portion for dinner and there were never enough legs for everyone. After many frustrating attempts, the farmer was relating the results of his efforts to his friends at the general store get together. “Well I finally did it! I bred a turkey that has 6 legs!”

They all asked the farmer how it tasted.

“I don’t know” said the farmer. “I never could catch the darn thing!”

 

 

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘Until you are able to commit a simple act of terror, I strongly advise you to avoid anything as complex as murder.’ 

Answer: The Seven Year Itch! A classic comedy. 

Wednesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘My girlfriend still doesn’t know why her sweaters are always stretched out.’

 

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….

Below are ten clues, each of which relates to the first line of a different Christmas carol or song. Unlike the title of the teaser, these clues only have the first letters of each of the words.

Can you figure out what songs they are?

1. CROAOF

2. IDOAWC

3. RTRNRHAVSN

4. GGROBAR

5. IHABCWY

6. ISMKSC

7. OTFDOCMTLGTM

8. FTSWAJHS

9. IBMBOJHSSOM

10. JBJBJBR 

 

 

ANSWER: 1. A Christmas Song (Chestnuts roasting on an open fire…)

2. White Christmas (I’m dreaming of a white Christmas…)

3. Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer (Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer, had a very shiny nose…)

4. Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer (Grandma got run over by a reindeer…)

5. Blue Christmas (I’ll have a blue Christmas without you…)

6. I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus (I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus…)

7. The 12 Days of Christmas (On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…)

8. Frosty, the Snowman (Frosty, the snowman, was a jolly, happy soul…)

9. I’m Gettin’ Nothin’ for Christmas (I broke my bat on Johnny’s head, somebody snitched on me…)

10. Jingle Bell Rock (Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock…)  

 

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….

Which is the odd one out?

Boundaries

Cancerous

Librarian

Scorpions

Chameleon

Keyboards

                         

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ 

 

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com.

  

Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Tuesday, November 24, 2015.    

THE MODERN TOOLBOX: 

Hammer – In ancient times a hammer was used to inflict pain on ones enemies. Modern hammers are used to inflict pain on oneself.

Screwdriver – The drink ordered at the local bar after you call in a professional repairman to undo the $500 in damage you did while trying to change out a light socket with your handy screwdriver.

Phillips Screwdriver – The bar drink that you order when the damage estimate is over $1,000. Contains twice the vodka.

Pliers – A device used to extend your reach the necessary few inches when you drop a one-of-a-kind screw down behind the new wall it took you two weeks to install.

Multi-Pliers – Contain a handy assortment of sharp and dangerous tools. Best left in its leather sheath and worn on a homeowners belt to increase testosterone levels.

Electronic Stud Finder – An annoying device that never goes off when you point it at yourself.

Halogen Light – A worklight that lights up your backyard with the incandescence of a football stadium, causing you to cast a heavy shadow over the area you’re working on so that you need to use a flashlight anyway.

Cordless Drill – A device that lessens your chance of electrocution 90% over a standard plug-in tool.

Cordless Telephone – The handyman’s 911.

Air Compressor – A mechanical device similar in principal to harnessing the power of your mother-in-laws nagging complaints and using the resulting airflow to blast old paint off the side of the house.

Chainsaw – Allows you to cut your way out of the shed that you accidentally built completely around yourself.

Vise Grips – A pair of helping hands that doesn’t critique the job you’re doing or offer advice.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday and whatever you do,  

don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!    

 

 

DAILY QUOTES….    

 “I saw that one hundred years ago this month, Albert Einstein presented his theory of General Relativity, which explains how gravity works. And it also marks the last time someone actually meant it when they said, ‘Way to go, Einstein.'” -Jimmy Fallon

“According to a new report, America’s teenagers are 30th in the world in math. Luckily, America’s teenagers will never understand the report because they’re 85th in reading.” -Conan O’Brien

“Big news from the Oxford English Dictionary. For all of you kids who don’t know what a dictionary is, it’s a small portion of the Internet, printed out, kept on a shelf, and opened once every three years during a Scrabble game.” -Jimmy Kimmel 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

I’d been working on my business degree for about a year when I finally got to take a popular finance course. I went to the bookstore to buy the text and was shocked to find out that it would cost me $96. I asked how much it was worth if I sold it back at the end of the semester. 

“You’ll get $24,” said the clerk.

“This is insane,” I protested as I wrote out the check. 

“I know,” replied the clerk sympathetically. “I’ve always thought that a person who buys a finance book for $96 and then sells it back for $24 should fail the course.”Emoji 

 

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘So what are you saying? That there’s no God, but there’s you?’ 

Answer: Fearless! Starring Benicio Del Toro and John Turturro.  

Tuesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘Until you are able to commit a simple act of terror, I strongly advise you to avoid anything as complex as murder.’

 

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

As you are reading this message, you will notice some spelling errors. Do not be frigtened, however. This is how you must anelyze: 

First, find al of the missing, repeated, or incorrect letters.

Second, alow yurself to look at these and look at the wword that is represinted.

Finally, tell me a numbur that most commonnly is associated with the word.

Good luck.   

ANSWER:  Missing, Repeated, and Incorrect Letters:

H-A-L-L-O-W-E-E-N

Word: Halloween

Number: 31 (Halloween is the 31st of October)

 

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….

Below are ten clues, each of which relates to the first line of a different Christmas carol or song. Unlike the title of the teaser, these clues only have the first letters of each of the words.

Can you figure out what songs they are?

1. CROAOF

2. IDOAWC

3. RTRNRHAVSN

4. GGROBAR

5. IHABCWY

6. ISMKSC

7. OTFDOCMTLGTM

8. FTSWAJHS

9. IBMBOJHSSOM

10. JBJBJBR

                         

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ 

 

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com.

  

Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏

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WELCOME to Monday, November 23, 2015.   

10 Weird, Wonderful and Unusual Words in Other Languages…..

1. The French have the phrase ‘l’esprit d’escalier’, which translates to spirit of the staircase. This is used to describe the precise moment a person comes up with a clever retort to an embarrassing insult.  

2. In Chinese if you tell a man they are ‘dai lu maozi’, meaning “he wears the green hat”, it means that his wife is sleeping with someone else.

3. It’s weird that English doesn’t have words for the German ‘vorgestern’ [the day before yesterday] and ‘ubermorgen’ [the day after tomorrow].

4. A favorite word, and not for its literal meaning, is the Spanish ‘puente’ meaning bridge. Unlike ourselves, the Spanish hold their bank holidays on a Tuesday so that Monday will, on most occasions, be treated as a bridge day [an extra day of holiday] ensuring a four day weekend.

5. Another favourite is ‘faire du leche-vitrines’ which literally means ‘to lick the windows’ and translates as window-shopping in France.

6. The German word ‘luftkissenfahrzeug’. The literal translation being ‘air cushion vehicle’, but to you and I it is the simple ‘hovercraft’.  

7. In Cyprus, the instrument used to remove staples from paper is termed a ‘petalouda’, literally translated into ‘butterfly’.

8. In Japanese, ‘amakudari’, literally translates as descent from heaven, describes the phenomenon of being employed by a firm in an industry one has previously, as a government bureaucrat, been involved in regulating.

9. The Spanish for handcuffs: ‘esposas’, mi esposa means ‘my wife’. So ‘mi esposa, mis esposas’ means ‘my wife, my handcuffs’.

10. There are a few more interesting German words such as ‘handschuhschneeballwerfer’, which literally means somebody, who wears gloves to throw snow balls. It is used in general for all cowards.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday and whatever you do,  

don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!    

 

 

DAILY QUOTES….    

“During the debate the other night, Marco Rubio said, ‘We need more welders and less philosophers.’ Graduates with a philosophy degree were so furious, they got on their parents’ computers and wrote angry emails.” -Conan O’Brien

“A new study came out this week, which showed that the cities of Portland and Seattle have the highest percentage of single women over 40 living with cats. It goes without saying that they also lead the nation in frozen yogurt shops, Zumba classes, and crying.” -James Corden

“After one of Google’s self-driving cars was pulled over this weekend, the company released a statement touting that the cars have the human equivalent of 90 years behind the wheel. Which also explains why the left blinker was on for 17 miles.” -Seth Meyers 

  

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

Now that the metric system is in wide use all over the world, we can see why American have not adopted it: 

A miss is as good as 1.6 kilometers. 

Put your best .3 of a meter forward. 

Spare the 5.03 meters and spoil the child. 

Twenty-eight grams of prevention is worth 453 grams of cure. 

Give a man 2.5 centimeters and he’ll take 1.6 kilometers. 

Peter Piper picked 8.8 liters of pickled peppers. 

 

 

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘Thou art a subject of the divine, created in the image of man, by the masses, for the masses.” 

Answer:  THX 1138! Produced by Francis Ford Coppola and written and directed by George Lucas. 

Monday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘So what are you saying? That there’s no God, but there’s you?’

 

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….

 Can you determine the professions/jobs described below? Each clue is an anagram of the answer.

One Word

1. Stamp on

2. For trees

3. Remit sin

4. Menial cop

5. Court poser

Two Words (first word is “a” or “the”)

6. Dints teeth

7. He tots income

8. Sit, chat, pay, sir

9. I seen at birth cot

10. Their art’s caustic

Two Words

11. Spirit shaper

12. Poles gather a report

Bonus (two jobs, middle word is “and”)

13. Mass dress alteration 

ANSWER: 1. Postman  2. Forester  3. Minister  4. Policeman  5. Prosecutor  6. The dentist  7. The economist  8. A psychiatrist

9. The obstetrician  10. The caricaturists  11. Parish priest 12. Telegraph operators  13. Seamstress and tailor

 

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

As you are reading this message, you will notice some spelling errors. Do not be frigtened, however. This is how you must anelyze: 

First, find al of the missing, repeated, or incorrect letters.

Second, alow yurself to look at these and look at the wword that is represinted.

Finally, tell me a numbur that most commonnly is associated with the word.

Good luck.

                         

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ 

 

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com.

  

Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏

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WELCOME to Thursday, November 19, 2015.  

Pondering again……………

What’s another word for thesaurus? 

What would we have called the color orange if it wasn’t a fruit? 

After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water? 

How can there be self-help “groups”? 

If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi? 

If a mute swears, does his mother make him wash his hands with soap? 

If someone has a mid-life crises while playing hide & seek, does he automatically lose because he can’t find himself?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? 

Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled at them would they still grow, but only to be troubled and insecure? 

Is there another word for synonym? 

Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”? 

Just “before” someone gets nervous, do they experience cocoons in their stomach? 

It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.

We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there’s a 90% probability you’ll get it wrong.

It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.

Laughing stock – cattle with a sense of humor.

You can’t have everything, where would you put it?

Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world’s population.

If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday and whatever you do,  

don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!    

 

DAILY QUOTES….    

“It was reported that the Republican candidates said Hillary Clinton’s name more than 40 times during the debate. Though usually you only have to say it three times before she appears.” -Seth Meyers

“A new study found that government employees are the happiest workers. The study was not conducted at the DMV.” -Conan O’Brien

“Researchers in Japan are working on a new drug that could treat gambling addiction. But I’ll bet you 2-to-1 it doesn’t work.” -Jimmy Fallon  

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

A customer moves away from a bank window, counts his change, and then goes back and says to the cashier, “Hey, you gave me the wrong change!”

“Sir, you stepped away from the counter,” said the cashier. “We don’t make corrections after you leave. There’s nothing I can do about it now. That’s the policy of this bank.”

“Well, ok,” answered the customer. “Just thought you’d like to know that you gave me an extra twenty. Bye.” 

 

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘If I win, I get to take you home. If you win, you can go home with me.’ 

Answer: Trees Lounge! 

Thursday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘Thou art a subject of the divine, created in the image of man, by the masses, for the masses.’

 

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….

 What does this rebus represent?

1.Bob drowned Frosted Flakes

2.Joe buried Cap’n Crunch

3.Sarah threw Rice Krispies off a cliff

4.Emily shot Cocoa Puffs 

ANSWER: Serial Killers  (Cereal Killers) 

 

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….

Can you determine the professions/jobs described below? Each clue is an anagram of the answer.

One Word

1. Stamp on

2. For trees

3. Remit sin

4. Menial cop

5. Court poser

Two Words (first word is “a” or “the”)

6. Dints teeth

7. He tots income

8. Sit, chat, pay, sir

9. I seen at birth cot

10. Their art’s caustic

Two Words

11. Spirit shaper

12. Poles gather a report

Bonus (two jobs, middle word is “and”)

13. Mass dress alteration

 
 
 

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. KIM HILLYARD! NICE SOLVING JOB KIM. 

EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji                               

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ 

 

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com.

  

Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

funny-puns-this-whole-post-is-going-to-be-one-cheap-trick1WELCOME to Wednesday, November 18, 2015.   

Stop redundancy……….. 

The Committee for the Reduction of Redundancy and the Antiproliferation of Repetition has decided not to meet until they have their first meeting and thus will not be meeting until the first time.

Their Pre-meeting Statement wanted to make this clear before they had their first meeting, so that it would not be unor confusing.

So their first meeting will actually be their first meeting and they will not have a meeting before the first meeting.

This should avoid having people show up for their first meeting before it is held, since to do so would be confusing to those who did so and this is what they want to avoid by reducing the confusion and lessening the repetition.The Committee for the Reduction of Redundancy and the Antiproliferation of Repetition has decided not to meet until they have their first meeting and thus will not be meeting until the first time.

Their Pre-meeting Statement wanted to make this clear before they had their first meeting, so that it would not be unor confusing.

So their first meeting will actually be their first meeting and they will not have a meeting before the first meeting.

This should avoid having people show up for their first meeting before it is held, since to do so would be confusing to those who did so and this is what they want to avoid by reducing the confusion and lessening the repetition.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday and whatever you do,  

don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!    

 

 

DAILY QUOTES….    

“I don’t like to commit myself about heaven and hell-you see, I have friends in both places.” 

–Mark Twain 

“A hero is no braver than an ordinary man, but he is braver five minutes longer.” 

–Ralph Waldo Emerson 

“When they discover the center of the universe, a lot of people will be disappointed to discover they are not it.” 

–Bernard Bailey    

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day. “In English,” he said, “A double negative forms a positive.

In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative.”

A voice from the back of the room piped up, ‘Yeah, right.’ 

 

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘I’m not into politics. I’m into survival.’ 

Answer: The Running Man!   

Wednesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘If I win, I get to take you home. If you win, you can go home with me.’

 

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….

A young boy went to a Catholic school. During school he started goofing around, so the teacher called him out and sent him to the Pastor. Since this was a traditional school the boy would be spanked, but the Pastor believed in giving people a chance. He said, “If you can ask me a question about something you learned and I don’t know the answer on the spot you will go free.” 

The boy may have been lazy, but he was very witty. He asked, “What is it that you can see and I can see, usually every day, but God cannot see.” The Pastor stood there, stumped. He couldn’t figure it out because he strongly believed that God sees and knows all, and that there is only one God. The boy smiled and told him.

What was it?   

ANSWER: His own equal! We see our equals everyday, but since there is one God, he cannot see someone equal to himself. 

 

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….

What does this rebus represent?

1.Bob drowned Frosted Flakes

2.Joe buried Cap’n Crunch

3.Sarah threw Rice Krispies off a cliff

4.Emily shot Cocoa Puffs

 
 

 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ 

 

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com.

 

Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Tuesday, November 17, 2015.   

Funny Metaphors…….

The toddlers looked at each other as if they had just been told their mutual funds had taken a complete nosedive.

She was a couch potato in the gravy boat of life, flopping dejectedly on the sofa.

It will take a big tractor to plow the fertile fields of his mind.

Suddenly, she was pinned by the spotlight, a struggling fish caught in a spider’s web

All at once he was alone in this noisy hive with no place to roost.

The beautiful child was the center of attention, with his golden curls and tuna fish complexion.

There is no difference between a forced bachelor and an involuntarily herbivorous lion.

Do you have to ape Peter Pan in every aspect of your life?

A colony of E.coli growing on room temperature Canadian beef could not match their affection for each other.

Standing at the corner cubicle, suddenly the two of them heard a growing sound of barely hushed giggles. At the root of it was the little girl who called them the twin towers of the office.

Her face was a perfect oval with two sides of a circle gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

Underpants in a dryer and thoughts in his head displayed the same degree of making and breaking alliances.

The revelation of infidelity in a 30 years marriage and surcharge at a formerly surcharge 

free ATM can be equally shocking.

Even in his last years, Granddad had a steel trap mind, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

Her eyes were limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH cleanser. 

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday and whatever you do,  

don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!    

 

 

DAILY QUOTES….    

“Apple announced a plan to create 1,000 new jobs in Ireland. Irish people were excited, until Apple told them, ‘It’s a Genius Bar, not a Guinness Bar.'” -Conan O’Brien

“We all know being an adult is hard. When you were a kid, having your mom around made things a lot easier. Which is why one woman in Brooklyn is offering her services for $40 an hour as a rent-a-mom – sewing buttons on your shirts, baking your favorite dessert, and calling you at 6 a.m. on a Saturday because she can’t remember how to set the DVR. It’s got to be uncomfortable when your real mom notices all your shirts are ironed and your bed is made and goes, ‘Wait a minute…have you been seeing other moms?'” -James Corden

“Walmart will be open at 6 p.m. on Thanksgiving this year, as will most of the major retailers. And let’s be honest, the truth is we don’t really want to shop on Thanksgiving. We just want an excuse to get away from our families immediately after the pie.” -Jimmy Kimmel  

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

Heading down the interstate, our car passed through a huge swarm of gnats so dense that their bodies made popping noises as they hit the windshield. “I can’t get over how loud they are,” my wife said. 

“Well, we are hitting them at 65 miles an hour,” I pointed out. 

Her reply left me speechless. “There’s no way bugs can fly that fast!” Emoji

 

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘Why don’t we just wait here for a while… see what happens.’

Answer:   The Thing! A classic science fiction movie.

Tuesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘I’m not into politics. I’m into survival.’

 

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

My first is double twenty-one but twice of twenty-two,

Decipher it and you will see that statement is quite true.

My next two are just three apart, or, looking at the link,

You’ll have the answer easily and will not have to think.

My fourth is so more ways than one, so long as you can spell,

While my fifth splits first and second, so what is it? Can you tell?

It may seem like these words of rhyme are nonsense things to say,

Though the five together are right here (two ways) so what are they? 

 

ANSWER: The answer that you seek to find, in words, is now shown here,

To understand the clues read on, I’ll try to make it clear.

The twenty-first of letters is U in the alphabet,

Double it, W is the letter you would then get.

Now the twenty-second letter of the alphabet is V,

When written twice together a W it could be.

I hope I’ve explained the clues to give W as letter one,

Now let’s move on, there’s four more letters to be done.

The second and third letters are three from each other,

But to scour the alphabet to find them, you needn’t bother.

If you were looking carefully you’d have seen in the third line,

The linking word, OR, fits this criteria just fine.

This makes the second O, and R would be the third,

Which gives us W, O and R as letters of this word.

The fourth letter in the alphabet is fourth in the answer too,

Which makes the fourth one D, only one more left to do!

Finally the fifth lies between the first and second,

In the alphabet, S splits W and O, that’s what I reckoned.

Combine the five, see that they’ve been used here a lot?

And in the seventh line, sixth word, the answer even got a spot!

So now you know the answer and those clues are less absurd,

It’s amazing what you can do with a word, oops, I mean WORDS! 

 

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….

A young boy went to a Catholic school. During school he started goofing around, so the teacher called him out and sent him to the Pastor. Since this was a traditional school the boy would be spanked, but the Pastor believed in giving people a chance. He said, “If you can ask me a question about something you learned and I don’t know the answer on the spot you will go free.” 

The boy may have been lazy, but he was very witty. He asked, “What is it that you can see and I can see, usually every day, but God cannot see.” The Pastor stood there, stumped. He couldn’t figure it out because he strongly believed that God sees and knows all, and that there is only one God. The boy smiled and told him.

What was it?

 
 
 

 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ 

 

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com.