Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Tuesday, October 27, 2015.   

Playing with a Funny Word or Two – The Illogical English Language

  • Why do performers recite a play, yet play at a recital?
  • When the stars are out they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
  • Dessie decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
  • The city tip was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
  • In the boat, a row erupted amongst the oarsmen about how to row.
  • Chloe was too close to the door to close it.
  • Sherrie shed her shoes in the shed.
  • Why do our noses run but our feet smell?
  • Freddie filled in his form by filling it out.

Funny Collective Nouns

  1. A sentence of judges
  2. A load of cobblers
  3. An expectation of midwives
  4. A conflagration of arsonists
  5. An illusion of magicians
  6. A horde of misers
  7. An exaggeration of fishermen
  8. A flush of plumbers
  9. A scoop of journalists
  10. A decanter of publicans

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday and whatever you do,  

don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!    

 

 

DAILY QUOTES….    

“Tom Brady just did an interview where he called Coca-Cola ‘poison for kids’ and said he didn’t think Frosted Flakes is actually food. That story again: Do NOT go trick-or-treating at Tom Brady’s house! ‘Who wants some raisins and toothbrushes?!'” -Jimmy Fallon

“I have a strict policy. I will not and do not publicize unsubstantiated rumors about anyone unless they’re very funny.” -Jimmy Kimmel

“Oprah Winfrey is buying a 10 percent stake in Weight Watchers. Oprah’s financial advisor asked her if she wanted to buy a large stake and Oprah said, ‘Oh, yeah!'” -Conan O’Brien  

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

A couple are sitting in their living room, sipping wine. Out of the blue, the wife murmurs, “I love you.”

“Is that you or the wine talking?” asks the husband.

“It’s me,” says the wife, “talking to the wine.” 

 

 

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “I want no quarrel with him.” “No, no, it’s already begun!” 

Answer:  Interview with the Vampire! Louis is speaking to Armand of Santiago.

Tuesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Psychos don’t explode when sunlight hits them, I don’t care how crazy they are!”

 

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

The blanks in the following sentences will be filled in with three different homonyms (words that are spelled differently but sound alike) to make valid sentences. The dashes indicate the number of letters in the words. Can you fill in the blanks?

1. The cut on his _ _ _ _ won’t _ _ _ _ in time for the race, so _ _ ‘_ _ have to drop out.

2. The man was so upset about being _ _ _ _ that he regularly _ _ _ _ _ _ himself up on the bed and _ _ _ _ _ _ his eyes out.

3. I couldn’t _ _ _ _ _ any of the _ _ _ _ _ _ in the flower shop, because for some strange reason I had 50 _ _ _ _ _ crammed up my nose.

4. A bloodthirsty pirate will wander the _ _ _ _ and essentially _ _ _ _ _ everything he _ _ _ _.  

ANSWER: 1. The cut on his HEEL won’t HEAL in time for the race, so HE’LL have to drop out.

2. The man was so upset about being BALD that he regularly BALLED himself up on the bed and BAWLED his eyes out.

3. I couldn’t SENSE any of the SCENTS in the flower shop, because for some strange reason I had 50 CENTS crammed up my nose.

4. A bloodthirsty pirate will wander the SEAS and essentially SEIZE everything he SEES. 

 

 

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….

Recently, Snow White’s seven dwarfs met up with three of their friends and went to the cinema to see Bambi. From the clues below, can you determine the order in which they stood in the ticket queue? 

Grumpy was in front of Dopey. Stumpy was behind Sneezy and Doc. Doc was in front of Droopy and Happy. 

Sleepy was behind Stumpy, Smelly and Happy. 

Happy was in front of Sleepy, Smelly and Bashful. 

Bashful was behind Smelly, Droopy and Sleepy.

Sneezy was in front of Dopey. Smelly was in front of Grumpy, Stumpy and Sneezy. 

Dopey was in front of Droopy. 

Sleepy was in front of Grumpy and Bashful. 

Dopey was behind Sneezy, Doc and Sleepy. 

Stumpy was in front of Dopey. Smelly was behind Doc.

  

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! GREAT JOB BANKS! 

 EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com.

 

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