WELCOME to Friday, October 23, 2015.
You’re asleep, but others worry that you’re dead.
You can live without sex, but not without glasses.
Your back goes out more than you do.
You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
You buy a compass for the dash of your car.
You are proud of your lawn mower.
Your best friend is dating someone half their age… And isn’t breaking any laws.
Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.
You sing along with the elevator music.
You would rather go to work than stay home sick.
You constantly talk about the price of gasoline.
You enjoy hearing about other people’s operations.
You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.
You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
You have a dream about prunes.
You answer a question with “Because I said so!”
You send money to PBS.
You take a metal detector to the beach.
You wear black socks with sandals.
You know what the word equity means.
You can’t remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch television.
Your ears are hairier than your head.
You talk about “good grass” and you’re referring to someone’s lawn.
You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
You got cable for the weather channel.
You can go bowling without drinking.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Friday and whatever you do,
don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
Failure will never overtake me if my determination to succeed is strong enough. Og Mandino
Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Willing is not enough; we must do. – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
What you do today can improve all your tomorrows. – Ralph Marston
In order to succeed, we must first believe that we can. – Nikos Kazantzakis
Always do your best. What you plant now, you will harvest later. – Og Mandino
Aim for the moon. If you miss, you may hit a star. – W. Clement Stone
A creative man is motivated by the desire to achieve, not by the desire to beat others. – Ayn Rand
The will to win, the desire to succeed, the urge to reach your full potential… these are the keys that will unlock the door to personal excellence. Confucius
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird’s chest.
After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said; “I’m sorry, your duck (Cuddles) has passed away.” The distressed woman wailed; “Are you sure?” “Yes, I am sure. The duck is dead.” replied the vet. “How can you be so sure?” she protested. “I mean you haven’t done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something.”
The vet rolled his eyes, turned around, and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck’s owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table, and sniffed the duck from top to bottom.
He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot.
The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly, and strolled out of the room. The vet looked at the woman and said; “I’m sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck.” The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.
The duck’s owner, still in shock, took the bill. “$150!” she cried; “$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!?” The vet shrugged; “I’m sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but… with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it’s now $150.”
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “You haven’t been feeding her.”
Answer: Dracula 2000! Solina then poceeds to grab the detective through the glass while sexy Dracula feeds on a rather hysterical doctor.
Friday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “There isn’t any magic.”
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
Each of the following sentences has three missing words. The first missing word of each sentence is 6 letters long, the second missing word is 5 letters long, and the third missing word is 4 letters long. All the 6 letter words are anagrams of each other, as are all the 5 letter words, and all the 4 letter words. Can you fill in the blanks?
1) Nobody would ______ to the old pirate any more, because his _____ were far too ____.
2) The fans were ______ as the opposition managed to _____ the game from the home ____.
3) When he decided to ______, he did not expect _____ bread with his ____ every meal.
4) On many of the lake’s ______ in the Spring, _____ will be out looking for a ____.
ANSWER: 1) Nobody would LISTEN to the old pirate any more, because his TALES were far too TAME.
2) The fans were SILENT as the opposition managed to STEAL the game from the home TEAM.
3) When he decided to ENLIST, he did not expect STALE bread with his MEAT every meal.
4) On many of the lake’s INLETS in the Spring, TEALS will be out looking for a MATE.
6 Letters: LISTEN, SILENT, ENLIST, INLETS.
5 Letters: TALES, STEAL, STALE, TEALS.
4 Letters: TAME, TEAM, MEAT, MATE.
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
I have two arms and a back,
Supported by four legs.
But there is something I do lack,
Actually, I have no eyes to see.
I also cannot move around,
Or at least, not on my own.
Unfortunately I can make no sound,
Except perhaps a squeak.
If you chop off my head,
You are left with a hair.
If you chop off my tail,
Only tea is left there.
One more clue I will add,
Is that you often use me.
Yet you barely ever notice,
In fact I’d much rather be a tree.
What am I?
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/