WELCOME to Monday, October 19, 2015.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
I believe for every drop of rain that falls, a flower grows. And a foundation leaks and a ball game gets rained out and a car rusts and…
If you don’t like my driving, don’t call anyone. Just take another road. That’s why the highway department made so many of them.
When I’m feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor’s dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.
Try a little kindness. As little as possible. Into every life some rain must fall. Usually when your car windows are down.
I love playing cards with children. They can’t tell you’re dealing off the bottom of the deck.
Remember: you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar… Of course, how you spend your leisure time is your business.
A man’s best friend is his dog. That’s assuming you want a friend who messes on your carpet and drools on your newspaper.
If I won the lottery, I wouldn’t be one of those people who immediately quit their jobs. I’d make my boss’s life a living hell for a week or two first.
A rose by any other name would stick you just as bad and draw just as much blood when you grab a thorn.
I believe five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, “Quit while you’re ahead?”
What hair color do they put on the driver’s licenses of bald men?
I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
Why not modern Latin: VENI, VEDI, VISA – I came, I saw, I shopped.
If it’s true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday and whatever you do,
don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
“A new analysis of recent political speeches found that George W. Bush actually used longer and more complex words in his speeches than President Obama does. Granted none of those words were actually in the dictionary. ‘Don’t be condescencious. My vocablulation is completely misunderestimated.'” -Jimmy Fallon
They were keeping a spare podium open for Joe Biden at the Democratic presidential debate in case he decided to enter the race at the last minute, as if he’s going to walk in and shock everyone like a Spanish soap opera or something.” -Jimmy Kimmel
“On this day in 1912, President Teddy Roosevelt was shot, declined to go to the hospital, and gave a 90-minute speech with a bullet in his chest. Then on this day, I spent the whole day on WebMD because my eyelid wouldn’t stop twitching.” -Seth Meyers
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
A director is screen testing Sylvestor Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger for a new film about classic composers. Not having figured out who to give which part to, he asks Sly who he would like to be.
Stallone says “I like Mozart. I want to be Mozart”
So the Director says, “Very well, you can be Mozart” Then he turns to Arnie and says “Arnie, who would you like to play ?”
And Arnie says “Ah’ll be Bach!”
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘Do you recycle?’
Answer: Serial Mom! Kathleen Turner was the serial killing mom in this funny, albeit sick, flick.
Monday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘I made a funny. Ha ha ha ha.’
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
Every clue below can be answered with a two word phrase in which each word contains OR. Your job is to figure out what they are. Good luck.
1. Person on an assembly line
2. Whiskey made from ears of a certain vegetable
3. Vet with an equine practice
4. 1970s-’80s tennis champ from Sweden
5. Listing in the Guinness Book
6. Home of Texas Christian University
7. Person who gives a kidney or liver
8. Piece of fiction not as long as a novel
ANSWER: 1. Factory Worker 2. Corn Liquor 3. Horse Doctor 4. Bjorn Borg 5. World Record 6. Fort Worth 7. Organ Donor 8. Short Story
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
What expression is represented below?
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! NICE SOLVING JOB BANKS!
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/