WELCOME to Thursday, October 15, 2015.
Alternate Ways of Calling
The following are some creative ways of saying someone’s stupid. Use with discretion,
especially in reference to employers and/or mothers-in-law.
A brain like a BB in a boxcar.
A couple of slates short of a full roof.
A couplet short of a sonnet.
A few beads short in her rosary.
A few beers short of a six-pack.
A few birds shy of a flock.
A few bombs short of a full load.
A few bricks short of a wall.
A few clowns short of a circus.
A few clues shy of a solution.
A few ears short of a bushel.
A few feathers short of a duck.
A few fish short of a string.
A few guppies short of an aquarium.
A few inches short of a foot.
A few kernels short of an ear.
A few links shy of a chain.
A few open splices.
A few peas short of a casserole.
A few pickles short of a jar.
A few pies short of a holiday.
A few points short of a polygon.
A few ants short of a picnic.
A few tiles missing from his space shuttle.
A few too many lights out in his Christmas tree.
A flower short of an arrangement.
A few french fries short of a Happy Meal.
A lap behind the field.
A modest little person, with much to be modest about.
A Neanderthal brain in a Cro-Magnon body.
A photographic memory, but the lens cover is glued on.
A prime candidate for natural deselection.
A room temperature IQ.
A signature short of a book.
A square with only three sides.
A titanic intellect…in a world full of icebergs.
A tower short of a castle.
A vacuum-tube brain in a microchip world.
A violin minus the bow.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday and whatever you do,
don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
In honor of Christopher Columbus, I went to a grocery store and got lost looking for spices.” -Seth Meyers
“A California mom is being sued because her son told everyone at school that Santa Claus isn’t real. Yeah. What makes the story even worse is that her son goes to UCLA. He’s a physics major.” -Conan O’Brien
“There’s an event company that specializes in fake weddings. The idea is that many young people don’t want to get married but they do want a wedding, so the company puts on a fake ceremony and a fake reception. I can’t imagine writing ‘Will attend’ on an RSVP for a fake wedding. There are already weddings for people who don’t want to get married – they’re called weddings.” -Jimmy Kimmel
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
Wayne, a friend of mine, owns an auto-repair business. One day a woman called to inquire when he could work on her car. “I’m not busy now,” he replied. “bring it right in.”
A short time later, the woman pulled into the service bay, stopping her small car perfectly over the wide, deep grease pit.
“Wow!” Remarked Wayne. “That’s great driving. Your wheels only have a couple of inches to spare on each side of the pit.”
She looked blankly at him and asked, “What pit?”
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘I really loved you in ‘The Wizard of Oz’.’ ‘
Answer: A League of Their Own! Tom Hanks is so funny in this!
Thursday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘We called the dog Indiana!’
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
Follow these steps and see if you can figure this out.
1) Get a brown, cardboard box.
2) Get purple, orange, and turquoise paints.
3) Paint the box orange.
4) Paint on purple spots.
5) Paint on turquoise stripes.
7) Turn it upside down.
8) Lie on your side.
What is missing from this sequence?
ANSWER: Step 6!
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
Once upon a time there was a dad and 3 kids. When the kids were adults, the dad was old and Death came to take the dad. The first son, who became a lawyer, begged Death to let the dad live a few more years. Death agreed. When Death came back, the second son, who became a doctor begged Death to let his father live a few more days. Death agreed. When Death came back the third son, who became a priest begged Death to let the dad live till that candle wick burned out and he pointed to a candle. Death agreed. The third son knew Death wouldn’t come back, and he didn’t. Why not?
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/