What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft? – A flat minor.
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire – Frostbite.
What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long? – Polaroids.
Why is a pig’s tail like getting up at three op’clock in the morning? – It’s twirly.
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist’s Novocain during root canal work? – He wanted to transcend dental medication.
If you are American when you go into a toilet and you are American when you come out of the toilet, what are you while you are in the toilet? – European, of course.
What do you call an unemployed jester? – Nobody’s fool.
Two peanuts were walking down a sidewalk. One was assaulted…..
What’s a Hindu? – Lays eggs.
What is a bigamist? – An Italian fog.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Friday and whatever you do,
don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
Hillary Clinton’s 68th birthday is coming up this month, and to celebrate, Hillary is planning to hold a big fundraiser here in New York City. You gotta give it to Hillary — she’s the only grandmother who hears about a birthday and expects the checks to come to HER. Jimmy Fallon
I read that Hillary’s staff is starting to worry that her campaign still doesn’t have an official theme. Then Hillary said, “Yes it does — revenge.”Jimmy Fallon
A new study of the candidates’ Facebook fans found that Donald Trump’s fans have the worst grammar. Which isn’t surprising, since Trump’s whole campaign has been one, big run-on sentence. “We need to build a wall and fix the economy and get back at China and Rosie O’Donnell and I’m very rich and here’s a red hat and…”Jimmy Fallon
Vladimir Putin celebrated his 63rd birthday today. He had a nice party, but it got awkward when two of his friends got him the same country. Jimmy Fallon
Scientists are getting close to creating the first-ever male birth control pill. They’re not sure how the pill is gonna work, but if you’re a guy and you get pregnant, it definitely DIDN’T work. Jimmy Fallon
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
A guy from Czechslovakia was visiting his cousin the lawyer in California, and they went for a hike in Yellowstone Park.
While they were hiking they were attacked by 2 bears, one male and one female. The male bear dismembered and ate the Czechslovakian guy, but the lawyer managed to escape.
He ran straight to the nearest Rangers station, and told them what had happened, and they sent out a group of rangers to see what was going on.
Sure enough, the Rangers arrived at the place that the lawyer mentioned, and there were the female and the male bears. So one of the Rangers took his rifle and shot the female.
So the other Rangers asked “why did you shoot the female? he said that the male ate his friend” So the Ranger answers “Would you believe a lawyer if he told you that the Czech is in the male?”
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘What’s a Nubian?’
Answer: Chasing Amy! The great Jason Lee uttered this line, which should’ve been easy for all you Kevin Smith fans out there!
Friday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘Do you know you have incredible bone structure?’
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
Insert a word from group B into a word from group A to form a larger word. (Try & Eat = Treaty)
Slight Bless King Pain Hock Shed Rue Hen Wing
One Now Lad Eight Tar Even Cat Itch Add
ANSWER: 1. Starlight 2. Boneless 3. Knowing 4. Paladin 5. Haddock 6. Scathed
7. Revenue 8. Heighten 9. Witching
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
Find a rhyme for each word below so you end up with a familiar three-word phrase in the form “__, __, and __”
Clue = “Took, Sign, Blinker”
Answer = “Hook, Line, and Sinker”
1. Flop, Crook, Glisten
2. Pin, Brace, Though
3. Versed, Beckoned, Heard
4. Leg, Sorrow, Wheel
5. Bawl, Park, Ransom
6. Sprawl, Tedium, Barge
7. Trap, Shackle, Top
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/